It was More Than a Feeling

[nitefyre]

Cantr gave me a state of mind, which I'm confident many of us shared in their time in playing this society simulator/roleplaying/strategy game, as I know I have in the last 18 months, experiencing it numerous times. It is a sensation that is most definitely hard to describe, but I'll try my best in explaining it. There probably is a word that fits this 'feel' that Cantr gives me, motivating me to check my character in eager excitement of an unraveling event, going out of my way to find access to the game and even pressing upon what should be considered more pressing in real life issues. I know I've experienced this when chasing my first armed suspect as a Guard, to creating a well organized town from scratch, having an in character marraige, or simply the day to day interaction that motivated me to push my roleplay vocabulary and structure beyond what it was already; the adventures, the expeditions, which're found in autobiographies and other's tales for me to both read and write about, along with the poems and short anecdotes I found to have added to the whole deal, being proud of cunning scams in the modest trades and well orchestrated operations, or on the other side of things: cold blooded murder, the deaths and at times, the guilt of betrayal. From little forbidden love affairs to the suspicions of Regional Leaders to a well deserved In Character promotion yielding from the competitive, tenacious and almost annoyingly persistent spirits of a certain character of mine, or seeing a larger than life Emperor who I can honestly say, wasn't even worth the time when His lack of effort cut short my imagination. Nonetheless, all these things, these experiences, with their tension, pressure and imaginative payoff made Cantr enjoyable and quenching, and for more than just a few days, I've jumped straight out of bed onto my computer for Cantr- it has been compared with an addiction many a time, and I do not wish to make it cliche, but I am hard pressed to find a better metaphor. In reminscing about these events, these ventures, these times, I have found that even if I am coming across near parallel ones all over again, I do not feel as if I have the obligation to care or be proud or have it send the foolish grin to my face as it once has done. [And the Forums aren't to be neglected as part of the entire experience, as well] It's a bit more than a past time, nor a short term fad for me, so I'll put the 'feeling' in terms of this favorite Boston song of mine, "More than a feeling," which I feel as if I have lost touch with. It comes parallel to the loss or absense of many players that I have been accustomed to have played with (and I feel as if the quality vacuum is slow at being refilled, or maybe the age of my characters has just instilled a sense of grumpiness and stubborness into me) and it is saddening. However, I will not admit that it makes me cry, but it definitely strikes emotion of yearning of that time that seems to be long past, when it was such a novelty to me, but I will not make this topic into a rant, though I must mention that the iron>hematite, deterioration change, skills/tiredness changes all seem to be detracting from the experience. In recent months, I have thought often of quitting, and how Cantr becomes more of a chore and obligation than a pleasurable and enjoyable experience. Reading the journals and stories of the days that I have experienced (620 onward, hell, I was very much a newb when I joined, but I don't hold myself in the same regard no longer) makes me wish that I had saturated them out for all their worth...and really gone at it with roleplay. So as I draw towards a concluding sentence to a rather broad topic based on your feelings towards Cantr, I'd like to reiterate how fun it has been playing with many of the players here, though it's not the same. How, I ask myself, do I renew this feeling, for I feel as if I've exhausted Cantr...?

Disclaimer: Despite the tone of this post, I am not quitting in the forseeable future, though at the end of it, if roughing it out still leaves a lack of fulfillment, that will be the last option left to take.

And now that I look at the post itself, it still does not seem to be longer than my longest written piece of roleplay, which is surprising, and yet just another example of what I was getting at, at what exactly, beats me now as my tiredness takes hold. Another surprise is how shockingly unoften I do make my own topics, but I found this one original enough to push on through.

[Black Canyon]

[SekoETC]

Upon my latest arrival to Sjoftich I was devastated to notice how the town had shrunken, there used to be more people, and it was always full of action. With the clutter of well-rp:d people there it has always felt like a sanctuary. But now I saw only a dozen people and for a moment I felt like, the hope is lost. Cantr is dead. No matter how hard we keep on fighting to keep it alive, the battle is already lost. But then, one person talking changes it all. Only one person was needed to let me know the town is still alive, awake, and to ignite the spark in me again. After that, trying to take back the silence that took place after the downtime, when I was struggling to keep my characters active, to write some reply if someone even bothers to talk to them. Rp'ing like crazy, never mind if anyone's awake to read, they're my children those characters, I must keep them alive.
Loneliness can be a terrible thing. When you spend days, years working on dull projects in a place where there's no one to talk to, you start thinking what's the point in all this, why do I even bother? Especially in the Swedish area with the terrible gorillas, and the lion country (Zhift, Baaak and surrounding areas), the hardness of survival is threatening to kill the joy in life. But if you have friends then it turns all backwards, if someone gets hurt by a lion we bash down the beast and keep collecting healing foods, no matter how many scratches that costs. Go Mulof north! I've seen it there and I've seen it in Zhift forest, where we once used to pass around the bow when the skill of making new ones had been lost. Now they're led wisely by Zaro Aster, whom I first saw as a weird sneaky character in MacGregor library, and would he had been silent a bit longer then, he would have found himself dragged out, maybe even bashed with an axe. Now so lucky we didn't act too hastly on that little scholar, and he can use the things learned from those writings to help the savage people.

If you can't keep your characters active, they might as well be dead. Take a break people, we know you will come back and then we'll get to call you newbies. The ones of us that remain get stronger and better and will have loads of fun. And other feelings too. I often can't sleep worrying over my characters but if I wouldn't, that would mean their destinies would mean nothing to me. They all have their place in the world, though sometimes I get a bit hopeless and think about killing some off, but the ones I could really let go of are rare. What am I trying to say here..? I was going to sleep long but instead I woke up in the evening, went to play Cantr until I ran out of minutes and then it was too late to sleep. It's morning now. I've had a really great night and I wish I had one minute more so that I could post the line I wrote only to notice there's no time left.

[Sunni Daez]

I certainly understand these "feelings" you both describe. Although, due to a mass murder, I had to start all over with new "children" to raise.. The intensity is the same. I have even found a computer at work that I can use on my lunch hour for a few minutes!!! I feel that my RP abilities have definitely improved with this new litter of Cantrians... I have respawned to a few areas I was in before, for one charrie, she met the same people as she was connected with before...of course, she was not treated as friendly and she had to leave the town....as it made ME to sad to know them, and not have my charrie know them. Happily she moved on and is doing much better now. I have others who again are involved with the same charries as before, and it is fun to see how some have changed and others remain the same. My new charries have expierienced alot more death, (around them) one has even lost someone she was so very attatched to, she is heart broken, and her poetry reflects that. Sooo to all of you who continue with the good roleplay and interact with others THANK YOU, and to those of you who play without interaction, you know who you are... you keep your charries busy, never speak, are only out to see how much wealth your charries can aquire........whats the point? I have one charrie who gives everything she aquires away, she works for free, gives NuB's gifts...knives...shields and such. she still find time to collect her own food and she speaks with many different people, has experienced a wide range of emotion...but she is happy... ok nuff-said cept thanks again to those who enjoy "role play" and do it well, and don't treat it like a game.....Games have endings....Cantr is ongoing ...

[Pirog]

nitefyre>

It is quite common that your "passion" burns out with games like this. For me it hasn't happened, but I have have felt it for other games in the past. Like a manager game where I was totally consumed by the team I was leading, always taking the time to make interesting press releases, making up stories about my players to give them a personality etc., but nowdays it certainly feels more like a chore to keep the team going...and indeed, after winning the league this year I might get the old inspired feeling back for them. So don't give up...perhaps your characters are just in a rut at the moment.

Seko>



Sunni Daez>

The good RPers are definately the ones keeping Cantr interesting for me. The structure of the game is excellent, but it is just like a good rule book for the convenctional paper & pen RPGs...

It is interesting what you mentioned about starting over...you may have a good point in that. The younger characters still struggling are often more interesting than the ones that have settled down and spending a lot of time producing things etc.

[nitefyre]

nitefyre>

It is quite common that your "passion" burns out with games like this. For me it hasn't happened, but I have have felt it for other games in the past. Like a manager game where I was totally consumed by the team I was leading, always taking the time to make interesting press releases, making up stories about my players to give them a personality etc., but nowdays it certainly feels more like a chore to keep the team going...and indeed, after winning the league this year I might get the old inspired feeling back for them. So don't give up...perhaps your characters are just in a rut at the moment.

It has been ongoing, though I try to find IC ways to mix it up, anything from changing locations to introducing concepts thrown away by my char's friends. No matter how many teams I lead or a part of in character, their goals seemed to have stalled and even the ones that are actively progressing, they are pushed back by Seko's comments on the need to survive.

@Sunni, and I have one character who generously gives away longbows and wooden shields just for the littlest bit of activity, since the fight for survival is not as hard on them.

Sunni Daez>

It is interesting what you mentioned about starting over...you may have a good point in that. The younger characters still struggling are often more interesting than the ones that have settled down and spending a lot of time producing things etc.

I've tried creating new characters over a period of time, not too close to each other so I can't take in what each new character is doing or creating or getting at, if you know what I mean, but soon enough in between so that I can have fun with them. It's kinda odd that my 'new' character seems to be 30 already (in Sjoftich) and that's kinda old in of itself. Fortunately, there's some sort of activity there with Solan, Alexander and Maline. But hell, even my newest character, which had made it a goal to flirt with every damn woman he came across is damned bored (or I am) of doing that, and I found that to be a very enticing goal, so he no longer does that, but sits in wait of his leader to awaken from the depths of his sleep.

[Neelix]

Nitefyre, your post is pretty good, but you really should learn to use more whitespacing when posting. It's bad to read a continuous stream of words on paper and it is even worse to see this stream of words on a computer screen.

Press that "enter" key every now and then. Press it twice to leave some whitespace. Please!

[Pirog]

nitefyre>

If the possiblity to find a partner and have a family would exist I think life for the Cantrians would be a lot more interesting. The older characters I have that aren't involved in large groups or governments or working on special projects are beginning to feel kind of worthless since they have achieved a lot of what they wanted originally...

Neelix>

You have a good point there...

[nitefyre]

Well,

it's one paragraph.

But if you insist

I'll leave some extra white space.

Though I should mention due to

the format I chose, it

looks more like light blue space.

And what's not to say I didn't do

that in one whole, intimidating,

run on paragraph for a legitimate

reason in corresponding the structure

of the paragraph in conjunctions with

a streaming, continuous thought that

was coming to the paper as I typed it,

and I really didn't want to divide ideas

down into paragraphs, and found it best

to keep it as one whole damn paragraph

and annoy you as you lose your spot,

as I did many a time as I edited that post.

Hmm, but I agree, my posting skills aren't

that developed, but do consider this is one

of the few topics I have ever made, in any

forum of any website of any internet.

[Anthony Roberts]

So...

What Jon...?

Are you trying to say...

...That...

...Cantr...

...Makes you Horny?

I don't understand.

[Sunni Daez]

Sunni Daez>

The good RPers are definately the ones keeping Cantr interesting for me. The structure of the game is excellent, but it is just like a good rule book for the convenctional paper & pen RPGs...

It is interesting what you mentioned about starting over...you may have a good point in that. The younger characters still struggling are often more interesting than the ones that have settled down and spending a lot of time producing things etc.

There are a couple of other charries that I enjoy RP with. The good role players can give you a feel for what thier charrie is all about. You can get an image of them in your head, and its more than just "a man in his sixties"..(oops heres my spaces)

But I disagree that only the new and young charries are interesting. If the older ones speak enough, which, I have met at least one, They add the "history" that the younger ones (atleast mine) enjoy to hear.. rather than read... Either way, good RP is good RP (more spaces)


ALSO....
Ohhh Anthony, you know how to convert every topic into the same conversation !!!! *laughs hysterically*

[Lumin]

Last time I played Cantr intensively I wound up burning out on it, and it was easy to get caught up in other things because managing my chars had begun to feel like a "chore" to me too. Of course, I was sad when I checked my email and found that two of them starved to death within days of each other. (looking back I think this must have been right around when the changes to hunger were introduced, because it suprised me that they died so quickly) Actually, I was sort of surprised at how much their deaths upset me; I had only been briefly logging in for the last month and not really keeping up with events, but I guess I still hoped on reviving them at some point. Even worse, it was my two favorite characters, Anli Snow and Vayle Hartfield. (may they rest in peace... *sniffle*) After that it was pretty easy to quit and forget about the rest.

Now that I've come back (mostly due to the new semester starting and me having an hour to kill in the library between classes) I've decided to keep things simple, and not have more than three characters at a time. Despite disliking the way a lot of the changes have been handled, I'm finding that on the whole it's good to be back. Plus, with fewer characters I have more time to focus on roleplay, and if I ever get tired of Cantr again it only takes a couple of minutes to make sure they stay fed until I'm in the mood to play some more.

Annnd, I don't know what the point of this was, just rambling about my own experiences.

[Litchin_flip]

I was playing about 2 years ago and am just now getting back into the groove of things...but at this point I kind of feel like I'm not playing my charreis like I should...for example one of my characters who started off very strong and loud and boistrous and watnot is now beggining to slack off and just be ignored...and I only just started playing again...I'm honestly becoming more agravated with myself than the game though...I think this is easily one of the best rp's I've ever played and I honestly hope that all of the programmers keep up the good work and attract more ppl...