Communities or character types Cantr might be missing?

[Snowdrop]

One of my characters is in a relationship where they're completely besotted with each other. I squee behind the screen from the cuteness sometimes
They're still young but they've been together about 6 years now and I'm sure death would be the only way they would ever split. I have bad dreams in real life about my character's partner dying...they'd be completely crushed. I would be too

[Melodianme13]

One of my characters is in a relationship where they're completely besotted with each other. I squee behind the screen from the cuteness sometimes
They're still young but they've been together about 6 years now and I'm sure death would be the only way they would ever split. I have bad dreams in real life about my character's partner dying...they'd be completely crushed. I would be too

One of mine is in that same exact position. The characters are completely head over heels for one another and it is completely adorable. They haven't been together long either but it is the only relationship that I am positive on an ooc level that it will last a really, really long time. Though I do sometimes feel sorry for the people around them...

[SekoETC]

I'd also like to play a battered wife. I think one of my characters would have the perfect personality for that because she would do anything to keep people alive. Seen too many people die.

The closest I've ever gotten to that was when one character was in a relationship where the man liked sex rougher than the woman, and she didn't dare to tell him that it scared her. But he was a very nice guy overall and wouldn't have hurt her if he had known it scared her.

[Otherside]

I'm sure I have a character that could.. he's bottled way too much up in the past, somehow manages to channel it when it's needed, though it has surfaced at the wrong times before. The girlfriend that he lost was strong willed and a fighter and he misses her terribly.. he's currently back in his shell and getting irritated by something that he really shouldn't be in modern society.. but that hasn't surfaced yet. He's always battled with himself, all he needs is a certain trigger.

But... I'm pretty sure I would have to battle myself to play a character like that.

[miirkaelisaar]

I wouldn't mind playing an abusive relationship, I wouldn't be good at playing an abuser but I have many character who would take abuse without question for someone they think loves them, they already have taken emotional and mental abuse from people so much, and some have even self-harmed over people they loved so it's not like they wouldn't let their lover hurt them if they would hurt themselves. Most people in Cantr seem to enjoy toying with emotions and playing mind games more than engaging in physical abuse. I would actually prefer physical abuse to what some of my characters have to go through in their attempts at "relationships". If my character was with someone who beat them all day but was always there and never left for someone else, and was possessive of them, I'd consider it a success. Much better than getting a boyfriend who likes them and then has sex with them and then gets bored and flirts with everyone until he falls asleep and dies, I'm so sick of that... And I know from experience, it's easier being smacked around than being treated like you're worthless, or being abandoned by someone who said they would never leave you, like so many characters in Cantr have no problem doing to each other.. I don't know how people don't battle with themselves being as harsh as the characters are on their lovers, walking away one day while you're sleeping and never coming back? Going on vacation and sleeping with a bunch of people behind your lover's back? But it's hitting someone that people have issues with? I never minded my characters getting hit, they always healed from that, emotionally as well as physically, it's the way characters treat love and romance and relationships in cantr that disturbs me, personally, the way they play games with each other, that kills my characters' ability to ever trust again. If people just smacked each other around things might actually get worked out easier... just saying =P

[SumBum]

Sorry, totally not a humorous topic, but I was laughing reading your post, Miirk. I don't think I've ever read an argument like that in favor of domestic abuse.

I'm sure I would have a very difficult time playing an abusive char but I'd be willing to try just for the challenge. I'd have to approach it like an actor playing a role. Which, really that's how much of playing varying chars works anyway. I don't like playing chars that are too similar to myself but it's much easier to let them fall into that. Only one of my current chars really has the personality to become abusive. One of them I keep hoping will end up in a situation where he's taken advantage of in some way. Most chars are too nice and those that aren't nice are more likely to just kill another. Maybe one of my female chars should find a weak man to slap around.

[miirkaelisaar]

If it makes people feel better about playing an abusive role, I've been a victim of domestic abuse and I would never, ever assume someone's character being abusive was a reflection of them as a player, and wouldn't be offended if my characters were abused, because that's all it is - an acting role. You shouldn't have to feel guilty. I've played abusive (and abused) characters in roleplays outside of cantr, it was difficult because it's hard to get in the mind of an abuser when you would never abuse someone yourself, but I didn't feel guilty, because it was only fiction, in fact it was a little bit of a vent from being abused in real life, for it to be pretend instead, and within my control. I've even played characters who were an abuser who was also being abused, and in those situations it actually feels understandable, playing someone who hurts someone because they're being hurt themselves. So I, for one, wouldn't judge any players if abusive characters start popping up, Cantr is a simulation of real life, it's actually kind of weird how stoic some relationships are in the game.

I just feel that in Cantr, it would lend more to the reality and the plot of most story-lines, where people just up and vanishing or suddenly not loving someone anymore is just disappointing and anticlimactic, and a little annoying when I put a lot into the character relationship hoping for something real. Sometimes it's even that the other character isn't consistent. "Oh I love you so much let's be together forever!" For years and then suddenly "I'm bored *sneaks away on a ship while boyfriend is sleeping*" Like what, you can't even keep your characters the same, they suddenly become robots? That's sad. Characters having heated emotions with their partner is realistic and human. It's not nice, but it's human, and I like seeing human characters and not cold, soulless robots that sleep with people and disappear. Like ouch. It's already a slap to the face figuratively, so why not just literally slap them and stay instead? =P

[SekoETC]

Miirk, it's a relief to hear at least one person doesn't take roleplayed abuse personally. I often feel guilty roleplaying questionable non-consensual things because people usually don't know I'm a 5-foot-2 girl with glasses instead of a scary big guy irl.

I think maybe one reason Cantr doesn't have much physical abuse is the lack of childhood. Pretty much everybody gets handed a shield from spawning, so they aren't spending 18 years of their lives vulnerable and beaten by their parents. So a 20-year-old is a clean slate instead of a traumatized victim ready to lash out. Also, there's no programmed intoxication, while irl the majority of abuse is most likely committed while drunk.

[Melodianme13]

I agree with this. It's pretty petty when you have a character in a committed relationship and then all of a sudden the other character is gone. And your character isn't even told... And then find out from someone else they left, or left with another woman. Thanks... I'm so glad my months of roleplaying with you was so well liked that my character couldn't even be given enough respect to be told she is being abandoned. And then has to wait for their return for who knows how long to not look bad by everyone else when ooc I already know the character is never coming back. And I see it happening quite often, often by the same players.

But that being said... I've rped in other places. And things like rape or abuse is rather common there. I don't think characters putting up with abusive relationships, mental or physical, is healthy though. I have a few that would probably take it. But I have others that definitely wouldn't and would probably kick the other characters' ass for even lifting a hand towards her.

Also I think it is a fine line. Like rape, if a character starts abusing another and that player isn't okay with it, they should speak up ooc and report it if it isn't stopped. Some things could be too much for some. And that is probably one of the bigger reasons it isn't seen much. You never know how far the other player is willing to let the rp go.

[kicking jay]

I agree with this. It's pretty petty when you have a character in a committed relationship and then all of a sudden the other character is gone. And your character isn't even told... And then find out from someone else they left, or left with another woman. Thanks... I'm so glad my months of roleplaying with you was so well liked that my character couldn't even be given enough respect to be told she is being abandoned. And then has to wait for their return for who knows how long to not look bad by everyone else when ooc I already know the character is never coming back. And I see it happening quite often, often by the same players.

You were in Hawks' Port, no?

[Melodianme13]

Um.. I'm not sure. Where is that? I don't often make a note of where my characters are unless they are welcomed and told specifically. It's a bad habit. Especially when sometimes you get to a place that doesn't go by the name on the map. I get confused and decide not to place a name at all or name it based on its resources.

[ColormeGreen]

If it makes people feel better about playing an abusive role,.... so why not just literally slap them and stay instead? =P

I agree with you almost completely once again.

I think all of my characters would take an abusive significant other, versus nobody at all or someone that cheats and runs around. A character being physically harmed has much less of an impact on me, than one whose heart is toyed with. I don't take it personally and I'd love things to be played out a little more realistically, myself. Not everyone can have the liberty of just running off and finding another girl/guy.

I play all girls, and most of them would much rather take someone that loses their temper from time to time.... than a sleeping partner who doesn't care about them or feels obligated to be around them/ a person who will abandon them because someone rp's sex more often/ creatively.

[miirkaelisaar]

Yeah that's happening to one of mine now and I'm wondering the same thing, is my character so boring you can't say "I'm breaking up with you for [reason]", you have to just pretend to sleep and then vanish? It's irritating, and a little insulting...

And yeah, exactly, it's up to the players to be responsible, honestly, I can't see how someone could be uncomfortable with playing abuse if they're not uncomfortable playing rape because rape is so much worse and it's already a form of abuse. If we can be mature about roleplaying rape and not disturbing others with it, we can be responsible with how we handle playing abuse in the same way, and making sure someone's okay with that type of interaction just like with a rape situation. That's always been very important. As long as people are still following guidelines and respecting OOC boundaries there shouldn't be an issue, if you're worried just ask someone OOC if your character being abusive will offend them OOC before you go through with it, same with rape, also you don't know if a player is 30 or 12, so should people really be running around raping character without some kind of warning? I would never, ever be able to play a rapist but if I even tried I would insist on asking any victims OOC if it would bother them, I would never want to subject someone to playing a rape scene with me when they don't want to because they're too polite to say it scares them or hurts them, it's safer to just communicate if you're not sure.

And yeah that's how I feel too, I would take getting hit over having my emotions played with any day. And abandonment is one of the hardest things to deal with, someone making you feel like you matter and then make you feel worthless, and characters pull that way too much in this game, it's painful to watch. And a lot of my characters feel like they would literally do anything for a person to love them and actually stay with them, including letting that person physically assault them, if accepting that would make the person stay and be loyal. And think of an abuse where the abuser demands that the victim always be in their sight, at their side, etc., maybe for some strange delusion (they'll cheat if I don't keep them in my sight, they'll try to escape my abuse if I let them out of this room) my characters would give anything for someone to want them in sight all the time. One of mine had a boyfriend who wasn't abusive but any time mine left like for a mission since he was a soldier, and not inform his boyfriend, he'd come back to a boyfriend covered in blood and surrounded by animal carcasses because he snapped thinking my character disappeared, and that made mine feel really wanted and needed and important, he didn't care that the guy was psycho and covered in blood, he thought it was the most romantic thing =\

[hyrle]

As long as people are still following guidelines and respecting OOC boundaries there shouldn't be an issue, if you're worried just ask someone OOC if your character being abusive will offend them OOC before you go through with it, same with rape, also you don't know if a player is 30 or 12, so should people really be running around raping character without some kind of warning?

This isn't just a guideline... it's a rule. Before any kind of sexual interaction... consensual/romantic or rough... it's required by the game rules that you verify that the player is over 18 and consents to intimate RP. I make sure I do it the first time I've interacted on that level with a character, even if I know who their player is OOC.

[Otherside]

Everything happens for a reason, and sometimes the reasons aren't always straight forward.

I have had chars leave before for RL personal reasons, usually to die, sometimes RP'd fully, sometimes a breakdown, others just go in silence. It depends on their life, how they've lived and their partners.

To be honest with you, I would rather someone just upped and left rather than watch someone else wait for years only to die in front of me, having my character feed them, whisper to them and almost start grieving before they've even gone.