Less than real life, but far more than a game.

[computaertist]

You may still need to quit for other reasons like being too attached, but I wouldn't call the community a bunch of people who love killing. In reality there's really only a dozen English players or so that contribute to the forum, so even if all those players like the killing (which not all do) it's still a small portion of the Cantr community. I wouldn't try to group everyone into that same lot.

You are right of course.

It doesn't help my mental state at all.

[saztronic]

An actor can go home knowing the play is finished.

No. An actor can go home knowing that the play is a play.

[computaertist]

An actor can go home knowing the play is finished.

No. An actor can go home knowing that the play is a play.

Both.

It's easier to say it's just a game when I'm not living it.

[hyrle]

Not all actors can seperate role from reality. Rest in peace, Heath Ledger.

[saztronic]

A perfect case in point for why taking a break may be a more effective coping mechanism for this problem than, say, taking a cocktail of mismatched medications to catch a few hours' sleep and quell the emotional firestorm.

[computaertist]

Just so long as everyone understands how astronomically unlikely it is I'll ever come back from taking a break and they're okay with that, I may try taking one.

[Aurora]

I believe, firmly, that people that praised Cassandra, did not praised Cassandra as a character, but as a situation. I had no part on this matter, and my chars were safe, though they heard about it, of this tragedy. The Cantr world was shaken, stirred by this brutality. A lot of characters were touched, disgusted, moved or angry. The players of the victims... well I can only imagine what they felt. But Still, I do not believe the people is actually praising Cassandra (I repeat, Cassandra, THE CHARACTER), but the situation. If they did, it would be like praising Hitler for what he did, or praising Charles Manson for what he did.

I understand Cantr needed some stirring, but if we praise all those murderers for "stirring the game", I am afraid, truly afraid, that great roleplayers like computaertist will vanish, and all that will be left are the cybering roleplayers, and those who don't actually know how to bring the char to life. There's NOTHING wrong to taking the character seriously. That is what brings depths into this game.

That is MY opinion.

I think that if murderers had the decency of roleplaying the death of the characters, now that we have NDS, at least players would have a sense of closure and less great roleplayers would think of leaving.

I've always thought of this community as a welcoming, nice community, a place I can be a part of, despite the comments of the contrary by a person very dear to my heart. I always thought them as people who support one another, and my duty as part of this community is that. To support a player I personally admire, and I look up to.

To me there are few that can compare to the depth, emotion and description of this player's characters. They don't have to be evil, murderers, or bad people to make other players engage in roleplay. And to me THAT type of characters is what this Cantr world needs.

And to the player: You already know what I think of you. And I will support you in any decision you make, as long as you know what a terrible loss your characters and you, as a player, will be to the Cantr world.

[Shaudawn]

I understand what it means to be emotionally involved. Many can say that this is "just a game" but what does that really mean? It has been said that one of the ways to understand a people and a culture is to see what games they play.

As much as each of us would like to think that our characters are "just" figures, even those who are able to maintain a degree of compartmentalization have even just a bit of their soul...even just a seed...implanted in each character. I want to acknowledge your feelings, computaertist, as valid and understandable--as someone who is highly empathetic and emotional himself. That you feel anger and sadness, and cannot make sense of the senselessness of it all--that is not a flaw, but a strength.

Life itself makes no sense. In real life, people disappear and are never heard from ever again--their family forever wondering what happened to them. People without empathy do many horrible things. The evil go unpunished. The good suffer and are victimized. And the ignorant celebrate the wickedness in the world...contribute to it without even realizing that they do. This game is a mirror, not "just a game." And to give it up only removes yourself from looking into that mirror.

So, if you have made up your mind, then there is nothing anyone can say about it. But if you do, you must ask yourself: "If this is a mirror to life, then how do I approach life?" Do you give up? Do you seek escape so that you do not have to suffer by looking into its harsh face? I know way too many who turn to alcohol and drugs for such an escape.

Or do you not go gently into that goodnight? http://www.poets.org/viewmedia.php/prmMID/15377

How do you face the brutality and the evil? How do you face the senselessness? Because, make no mistake, it is out there everywhere. Do you give up? Throw in the ultimate towel? Or do you make a stand? Do you become the light in the darkness? Do you say, "This is not right and I will prove by my being and my action that I choose Life over death"? Is severing friendships going to help you do this? Or are we all just fellow addicts that you must distance yourself from in order to get the healing you need? Are we to lose one light into the green mist? Or is that light better served in the real world where there is real oxygen?

I find no fascination with serial killers, nor with Hitler. I will not praise either. But I will choose to make whatever I touch better. I will encounter every person I meet with integrity, respect, joy, and welcome. I will allow myself anger when I see injustice, and sadness when I see pain. I will also allow myself happiness when I encounter joy and laughter when I encounter mirth. When everything else turns inhuman, I will face it with nothing but my own humanity and prove, even with my life, that you cannot take my dignity away.

You must decide for yourself, computaertist, how you can best express that humanity. And if you leave, I, for one, shall grieve your going--not your characters--you. But I will understand, if that is the healthiest thing for you to do.

I thank you for listening to me, and I hope, first and foremost, that you find the healing you need. You are correct. Our brains do not know game sadness from real saddness...or anger...or happiness. So, I wish your healing above all else. I salute you for making a stand, and whether you continue to do so here or out there, I hope that you continue to grow and make a stand for what is right and good in the world.

[Tangential]

After reading through most of these posts.. to the OP, here's just my two cents. Agree with it or not, at least the purpose of this post is to shed some light on one possible writer of this community you had so much faith in.

Cantr can be a lot of things. Sure, at face value, it's categorized as a "game", but for me, I see it as art. And I'm sure a lot of others out there see it as such too. Each writer has the opportunity to create a character who can potentially build and bolster a storyline or even change it completely. And as one of those writers who invests a lot of time and effort into shaping characters, yes - of course I am fond of them... Each one because they are my creations and I have poured that time and effort into contributing, in someway, to the world. That sort of dedication has no price so I sympathize for the loss of your characters to a cause that seems to lack any sort of reason.

From personal experience, this is my second go around. I had left Cantr four years ago and didn't think I'd ever come back. But, even after all that time, I remembered the art Cantr allowed me to create. I remembered the close friendships I had developed with other talented writers/players. And I remembered why I loved devoting my time and energy into Cantr. To the OP, I hope the things you do enjoy most about Cantr keeps you going. You've got solid friends here that really care for you. And I'm sure you have many well-loved Characters in Cantr as well.

Just to touch on at least the subject, I understand that the OP is upset because a certain mindless character, of which I won't even mention, because, to me, I don't think that character deserves the recognition, had murdered his own character. I believe the pursuers are the ones who should be mentioned instead because they are the ones who truly stimulated the "gathering" of other characters and the "cherished experiences" they encountered with the thrill of the chase. But without the Calvary, corpses tell no tales.

[bnlphan]

Almost a bit jealous. I wish I could be more attached to my characters, perhaps I'd be more of a better role player and not so much of a robot player.

[Otherside]

I agree that it's more than a game, it's a society simulator... and many of the events that shake us in the real world do in Cantr. I guess this was part of the experiment. Unfortunately, there is no limit to the careless destruction caused by human greed. When driven by it, no thoughts are given to the victims or the repercussions by the pirates, murderers and opportunists. In real life, we find it easy to blame the corporations, the governments, the leaders.. but all of the people at the top making all the decisions are only human too.

Unfortunately not everyone has the same outlook on life, the world, and society, as you. But if we all lose faith in the whole idea that there are many good people in the world, that we can achieve anything if we work together, that everything -can- be saved, that life is worth living, that our human rights are worth fighting for and that the sum of all the good times far out-ways the difficult times that we will all go through eventually, then we lose our humanity..

Yes there are mechanics that can be abused to reach a goal, but they pale in comparison to the horrific things that can happen in real life. In a way we're sheltered in Cantr... but yes, it still hurts to lose an extension of yourself. Grieving is hard, especially if you're lucky enough to not have been through it yet.. Life is hard, society is complex and humans can be horrible creatures. Things are no different in a simulation. But nothing worth doing is easy...

[Doug R.]

Just so long as everyone understands how astronomically unlikely it is I'll ever come back from taking a break and they're okay with that, I may try taking one.

To be blunt, that's no one's business other than yours. If you don't come back and people don't like that, they can lump it.

[Joshuamonkey]

For a long time I've considered Cantr as..even though it's a game, we are all real people, and that's what I like about it. It has a lot more meaning than a game where all the other characters are non player characters. It has real history of real conversations, and you could say actions, between real people, even though they're just roleplaying together. It's true however that Cantr shouldn't cause such depression that it affects your ability to live and function in real life. It does seriously affect me when a character dies, especially when the character is old (and all my characters are old). It didn't affect me as much as it could have when I came back after two years to find 5 characters dead, perhaps because I was ready for it, though the death that affected me the most was the one actualy killed in their sleep. I definitely would be depressed, I don't know to what point, if my last 7 characters were to die, and after that I would probably just make 1 English character and 1 Spanish one and stay at that. I don't feel that it would affect my ability to function though. Remember that death happens in real life as well, though perhaps not as frequently for most people (and assuming that we're not the one actually dying). Similarly we have to find a way to move on and be grateful for what we have.
Anyway, I guess my point is that everything needs it's limits. And I think what affects me about having a character die is the lost memory. Leaving notes are good for lessening this affect, but it's sad not being able to remember in any other character what that lost character knew, all of those experiences that they had. However, YOU the character remember, so why be depressed? You gain from this experience if you choose to move on and just learn from the experience. That's why I'm still playing Cantr, because I feel like I learn about people, and how to live, and die, and lead, and other things.

[computaertist]

Just so long as everyone understands how astronomically unlikely it is I'll ever come back from taking a break and they're okay with that, I may try taking one.

To be blunt, that's no one's business other than yours. If you don't come back and people don't like that, they can lump it.

Oh that I could say that and not feel like it was simply absurd

Thank you everyone who posted, whether you agreed with me or not, for listening. I felt much, much better when I awoke this morning, so maybe much of what I needed was just to talk it out. I'll remember that next time.

Thank you especially Optimus Christ, Uma, hyrle, Aurora, Shaudawn, Tangential, Otherside, Joshuamonkey, and again to those who PM'd me, for making me feel much less alone. The posts here now upon my waking (from Aurora's on) with me already in a good mood have made my day even brighter. As ManyVoices pointed out, I can't have any real idea what the whole Cantr community is like based on the posts in the English forum, but it's the only clue I've got to work with. And based on what I've read now I don't feel near so alone.

Shaudawn... beautiful post... Last nigh I would have probably said my light is worth too much to waste in an arena people will insist is just a game, because it won't be taken seriously. It can't be taken seriously, it's just a game. But now I see there are enough people taking it at least just seriously enough to accept the light as worth something; I'll gladly stay and shine.

Finally, whoever you are that played Cassandra, I feel I should let you know I feel no ill toward you. I think I owe you an apology for any metaphorical daggers turned toward you and I hope you continue to enjoy the game. I can acknowledge that for a purely abstract chess-like game, it was impressive how many pieces you managed to remove from the location you were in. I only hope it's clear now we don't all see Cantr as a game where such a goal is itself praise worthy without a really good story around it. Some do though, and I don't wish any of you anything bad, only the best. I can accept that some who play do consider this just a game. I only hope you all can accept you're playing along with those who must see it as more than just that.

[sherman]

If play a pirate or dictator or madman killing is pretty much essentially