Movie scenes adapted to Cantr

[caged_bird_sings]

K so.... I saw this and couldn't resist. Here's my feeble attempt:

Tyler says: I don't know about this.*looks worried*
Tyler says: I don't either. Who gives a shit? *looks around* Everyone is sleeping. What do you care?
Tyler says: This is crazy. You want me to -hit- you? *glances down at the Laws on the ground, holding his breath*
Tyler says: *nods* That's right.
Tyler says: What, like in the face?
Tyler says: Surprise me. *grins*
Tyler says: This is so fucking stupid...*takes a breath and balls his hand into a fist*
You see Tyler hit Tyler using a bare fist.
Tyler says: *grabs the side of his head, biting his lip and cursing quietly* Motherfucker! You hit me in the ear!

I think I might work on an epic one

Edit: This is Fight Club, to let the folks who don't get it know

[Alladinsane]

I'm too sleepy to edit this right now, Do I really need to name the movie? This scene is pretty famous, in fact, there is a 'historic marker' at the exact place it was filmed.

===============================================================
[ Items]
4598g wheat flour
1026g Dried Dung
3022g wood
Millstone
Oven
Oven

[ people ]
A. Wanda Snog
Wilson snickett
Sal Monella
E. Coli
Lister eeyah
Bott Chewlism
Bacc Teria

[ Buildings and Doors ]
à Door to Blackrock Forest
à Door to Grain silo
à Door to somewhere you don’t wanna go


You say: “There is no way that has ever happened to me. Besides, I would be able to tell.
A. Wanda Snog says: “I bet you wouldn’t”
You say: “I am telling you that there is no way, its not even possible.”
You ate 200mg of your bread
A. Wanda Snog says: “*starts to look uncomfortable*”
You say: “Are you okay?”
A. Wanda Snog says: “*gives a slight whimper*”
A. Wanda Snog says: “*Moans a little* Oh…*gasps* That’s it. Right there”
You say: *starts to look around uneasily*
A. Wanda Snog says: *Moans a bit louder* Oh! Oh! Sooo good! Oh my josh!
A. Wanda Snog says: *Begins to thrash side to side* Yes, baby! Yes! *whips her hair to and fro*
You say to A. Wanda Snog: “Please stop this…people are looking” *Worried expression*
A. Wanda Snog Says: “Yes! Yes! *voice grows higher in timbre* Yes! Yes! *begins pounding hands on Millstone* YES! YES! YEEEESSSSS! * slows down slowly panting as her breathing begins to return to normal. Smiles condescendingly*”
You say: “* Takes a moment to note that all work in room has stopped and looks around at the assembled audience*
You say to A. Wanda Snog: “I could still tell you were faking”
You overhear Lister eeyah talking to Bacc Teria: " I told you this bread tastes funny"


Scene at the Blackrock Delicatessen and Tea Room.

[Snickie]

I hope you know there are, in fact, minors reading this, Laddie.

But it did make me laugh.

I'm trying to think of a good one to do. Hmmmmm… *ponders*

[EchoMan]

Yeah... in my experience that kind of content should be X-rated or otherwise hidden from minors...

[Alladinsane]

Darn, I thought it was all allusion.

I might say as much or more about the reader than the writer. But if there is a single obscene word written there, please forgive me and I will delete (or the powers that be can do so).

Knowing that the scene was controversial still only got a PG-13 rating in the USA (anyone here not 13?) and none of the same words that actually identify the central concept were used. We discuss alot of much more risque things here and quite openly at that.


Be well

[Snickie]

I only thought of that because my mom likes to watch that movie and pretty much watches it once a month or something along the lines of that.

Eh. Whatever.

There's too much talk of that kind of stuff at school anyway. Okay, it's not actually very bad, but it's most certainly there.

[Alladinsane]

Fine! Then tell your mom that I said that she is weird.

[Snickie]

(Anybody think we're getting just a little off-topic here? )
(I seriously need to think of something relevant here....)

Fine! Then tell your mom that I said that she is weird.

Fine! I will!

Well he picks his nose and eats it

[Chroma Key]

He eats his nose???!!! He is weird!
Okay, the forum police can arrest me now.
Good one, by the way, Alladinsane.

[_Slayer]

Well he picks his nose and eats it

A bit off topic myself, but I must:

OHHH, BURNED!

Edited twice already because of typo's and spelling, damn I'm tired..

[Alladinsane]

Story of my life.

I guess I will have to regale you with my controversial interpretations again. Shame...you had your chance to stop me.

[Snickie]

Story of my life.

I guess I will have to regale you with my controversial interpretations again. Shame...you had your chance to stop me.

I'm going to put some Snick sprinkles on his ice cream.

[Addicted]

A woman in her twenties says: Farm boy, polish my shield. I want to see my face shining in it by morning.
A man in his twenties says: *he bows* As you wish.
A woman in her twenties says: Farm boy, fetch me that bucket.
A man in his twenties says: *he bows* As you wish.

-----
A man in his twenties says:*He lies still on the bed*
A woman in her twenties says: *She sits on the bed*
A man in his thirties says: *He stands in the doorway* First things first, to the death. *He draws his steel rapier and throws down his gloves*
A man in his twenties says: No. To the pain.
A man in his thirties says: I don't think I'm quite familiar with that phrase.
A man in his twenties says: I'll explain and I'll use small words so that you'll be sure to understand, you warthog faced buffoon.
A man in his thirties says: That may be the first time in my life a man has dared insult me.
A man in his twenties says: It won't be the last. To the pain means the first thing you will lose will be your feet below the ankles. Then your hands at the wrists. Next your nose.
A man in his thirties says: And then my tongue I suppose, I killed you too quickly the last time. A mistake I don't mean to duplicate tonight. *he steps forward*
A man in his twenties says: *He raises his voice* I wasn't finished. The next thing you will lose will be your left eye followed by your right.
A man in his thirties says: And then my ears, I understand let's get on with it.
A man in his twenties says: WRONG. Your ears you keep and I'll tell you why. So that every shriek of every child at seeing your hideousness will be yours to cherish. Every babe that weeps at your approach, every woman who cries out, "Dear Jos! What is that thing," will echo in your perfect ears. That is what to the pain means. It means I leave you in anguish, wallowing in freakish misery forever.
A man in his thirties says: I think you're bluffing.
A man in his twenties says: It's possible pig. I might be bluffing. It's conceivable, you miserable vomittous mass, I'm only lying here because I lack the strength to stand. But then again, perhaps I have the strength after all. *He raises his head off the bed and slowly stands, takes a step towards the man and raises his steel bastard sword towards him, arm outstretched* Drop - your - sword!
You see a man in his thirties drop his steel rapier.
A man in his thirties says: *He drops his sword*

[Doug R.]

Inigo says: Where is the man in black? *points to the wheelbarrow* You get that from this grove, yes? Fezzik, jog his memory.
You see Fezzik expertly kill Albino Minion with a fist.
Fezzik says: I'm sorry, Inigo. I didn't mean to jog him so hard.

==============================

Fezzik: Inigo! Inigo! Where are you? Oh, there you are.
Inigo, I went through the prince's belongings, and there they
were, keys to four bicycles. And I thought, there are
four of us, if we ever find the lady. *waves* Hello, lady!
So I took them with me, in case we ever bumped into
each other. I guess we just did.

[Snickie]

This isn't a movie scene, but it's not a song either, so I honestly had no idea where to put this. Needless to say, I decided to post it here.
This is a joke I read recently, which I decided to Cantr-fy (or -ize or -date or whatever suffix is appropriate). Top-to-bottom, because I'm lazy like that.


If WWI was a Bar Fight...

You leave unknown location, entering Bar where you see 12 people. (Germany, Austria, Italy, Britain, Russia, France, Turkey, Belgium, Japan, Australia, America, Bartender). Germany, Austria, and Italy are standing together.
You see Serbia entering Bar, coming from unknown location.
Serbia says: "*accidentally bumps into Austria and spills Austria's pint*"
Austria says: "You idiot! There are splash marks on my trouser leg. You owe me a complete new suit."
You see Austria give suit pants to Serbia.
Austria says: "SEE?! It's ruined!"
You see Serbia give suit pants to Austria.
Serbia says: "What do I do about that?"
Austria says: "*raises suit trousers for all to see* Serbia owes me a new suit! These are ruined!"
Germany says: "Austria has a great point. You owe it a new suit, Serbia."
Serbia says: "It was an accident! You think I'd do this on purpose?!"
Britain says: "Alright, everybody, just calm down...please....."
Serbia says: "I can't even afford a new suit. But I can pay for the cleaning of your trousers... *looks at Austria*"
Russia says: "*looks at Austria*"
Austria says: "Yo, Serbia. Who're you lookin' at?"
Russia says: "Austria, leave my little brother alone. *glares at Austria while moving towards Serbia*"
Austria says: "Oh yeah? And whose army will assist you in compelling me to do so?"
Russia says: "*swallows uneasily*"
You overhear Germany say to Britain: "*curtly* Are you aware that France has been looking at me? This is sufficiently out of order. You really shouldn't intervene, else other people might start looking."
Britain says: "France can look at whoever the heck it wants to."
Britain says: "I'm looking at you, anyway, Germany. What are you going to do about it?"
Germany says: "Russia, STOP LOOKING AT AUSTRIA, or I'll render you incapable of such an action. *punches fist*"
You overhear Britain say to Germany: "Are you looking at Belgium?"
You overhear France say to Germany: "You'd better not be looking at Belgium."
Germany says: "*shifty eyes*"
You see Germany pointing at Turkey.
Germany says: "*motions Turkey to follow, and goes off into a corner*"
Turkey says: "*follows Germany into corner*"
You see Germany talking to Turkey.
You see Turkey talking to Germany.
You see Germany talking to Turkey.
You see Turkey talking to Germany.
You see Turkey talking to Germany.
You see Germany talking to Turkey.
You see Turkey talking to Germany.
Turkey says: "*comes back and stares between people and at the ceiling*"
Germany says: "*comes back and rolls up sleeves, looking at France*"
You see Germany expertly hurt Belgium using a bare fist.
Britain says: "You're not getting away with that."
You see France skillfully hurt Germany using a bare fist.
Turkey says: "*not looking at anybody*"
You see Britain expertly hurt Germany using a bare fist.
You see Austria expertly punch Russia using a bare fist.
You see Germany expertly punch Britain using a bare fist.
You see Germany expertly punch France using a bare fist.
Turkey says: "*makes eye contact with nobody*"
You see Germany expertly punch Russia using a bare fist.
You see Russia miss a punch directed towards Germany.
Russia says: "*nearly falls over*"
Turkey says: "*still not making eye contact with anybody*"
Japan says: "*calls from across the room* I'm with Britain on this! *sips drink, sitting idly*"
You see Italy efficiently punch Austria using a bare fist.
Austria says: "*stares incredulously at Italy*"
France says: "*is clearly surprised when Italy punches Austria*"
Turkey says: "*whistles, staring at an invisible speck on the ceiling*"
You overhear Britain say to Australia: "Go punch Turkey, the little pansy."
You see Australia novicely hurt Turkey using a bare fist.
You see Turkey novicely hurt Australia using a bare fist.
You overhear Turkey say to Australia: "*hisses* No harsh feelings, since Britain made you do it."
Germany says: "Help me drag France out this plate glass window."
You see France being dragged from Bar to plate glass window 1 (Germany, Austria).
You see France entering Bar, coming from plate glass window 1.
You see France skillfully hurt Germany using a bare fist.
You see Austria expertly hurt Russia using a bare fist.
You see Germany expertly knock out Russia using a bare fist.
You see the unconscious body of Russia being dragged into Plate glass window 2 (Germany, Austria).
You see France skillfully hurt Germany using a bare fist.
You see Britain expertly hurt Germany using a bare fist.
You see France skillfully hurt Germany using a bare fist.
You see Russia entering Bar, coming from plate glass window 2.
Russia says: "Whoa..... *stares around, clearly not what it was before*"
You see Italy miss a punch directed towards Austria.
Austria says: "Can't....fight......anymore...... *falls over*"
Italy says: "WOOOO! *raises arms in the air and runs in circles chanting*"
You see Britain expertly hurt Germany using a bare fist.
America says: "*stares towards them all idly*"
You see France skillfully hurt Germany using a bare fist.
You see Britain expertly hurt Germany using a bare fist.
You see France skillfully hurt Germany using a bare fist.
Germany says: "I can't take it anymore! *cowers*"
America says: "*looks interested*"
You see Britain expertly hurt Germany using a bare fist.
You see France skillfully hurt Germany using a bare fist.
You see Britain expertly hurt Germany using a bare fist.
America says: "*idly wanders towards the fight and picks up a barstool*"
You see France skillfully hurt Germany using a bare fist.
You see America efficiently knock out Germany using a barstool.
America says: "Yay, I won the fight!"
France says: "WE won the fight."
America says: "I won the fight because I'm awesome. I did it all by myself."
Britain says: "*rolls eyes*"
Britain says: "Germany threw the first punch, if I'm not mistaken."
America says: "GERMANY THREW THE FIRST PUNCH, IT'S ALL THEIR FAULT."
France says: "But if it wasn't--"
America says: "IT WAS GERMANY."
Britain says: "Well, Serbia did spill the beer...."
America says: "IT'S ALL GERMANY'S FAULT. They threw the first punch, it's all their fault."
Britain says: "*sighs and agrees*"
France says: "Fine...."
You see America pick up gold coin from the unconscious body of Germany.
America says: "Look! Money! Drinks on Germany!"
You see America pick up silver coin from the unconscious body of Germany.
You see Britain pick up gold coin from the unconscious body of Germany.
You see France pick up nickel coin from the unconscious body of Germany.
You see France pick up gold coin from the unconscious body of Germany.
You overhear France say to Bartender: "Five pints, sil vous plait."
You overhear Britain say to Bartender: "Some for me also, please."
You overhear America say to Bartender: "And give me some too."
You see France give gold coin to Bartender.
You see America give gold coin to Bartender.
You see Britain give gold coin to Bartender.
You see Bartender give some beer to France.
You see Bartender give some beer to America.
You see Bartender give some beer to Britain.
America says: "*turns around* DRINKS FOR ALL!"
Austria says: "For me? *lifts head hopefully*"
America says: "Correction. DRINKS FOR ALL MY BUDDIES!"
All except Germany, Austria, and Turkey: "*toasts*"

--the end--