Monty Python!

[trage]

Bring me a shrubbery and I'll tell you.

Yes, I must start a Monty Python and the Search for the Holy Grail topic now! Firefly and Angel shall no longer be the only plague!

And of course we must start with the most famous of the classic Black Knight sayings.

KA: You have no bloody arms!
BK: Merely a flesh wound.

[rklenseth]

Monty Python already has a few threads though I think they are rather old.

Anyways, it is only a flesh wound.

[Meh]

Nawty Newt. Bad. Bad. Newt. She must be punished.

[Mavsfan911]

Knight of Ni: Yes, it is a good shrubbery. I like the laurels particularly.

But there is one small problem....

Arthur: What is that?

Knight of Ni: We are now *no longer* the Knights Who Say "Ni"!

Other Knights of Ni: Ni! Shh! Shh!

Knight of Ni: We are now the Knights who say "Ekky-ekky-ekky-ekky-z'Bang,

zoom-Boing, z'nourrrwringmm".

Other Knight of Ni: Ni!

Knight of Ni: Therefore, we must give you a test.

Arthur: What is this test, o Knights of.....

Knights who 'til recently said "Ni"?

Knight of Ni: Firstly, you must find....



ANOTHER SHRUBBERY!!!

Arthur: Oh not *another* shrubbery!!

Knight of Ni: (excitedly) THEN... Then, when you have found the shrubbery,

you must place it here, beside this shrubbery, only slightly

higher, so we get the two-level effect with a little path

running down the middle.

Other Knights of Ni: A path! A path! A path! Shh, shhh. Ni! Ni!

Knight of Ni: Then, when you have found the shrubbery, you must cut down the

mightiest tree in the forest...

Wiiiiiithh.... A HERRING!

[Mavsfan911]

of course, part of the french taunt :

S: Of course not! You are English types.

A: Well, what are you then?

S: (Indignant) Ah'm French! Why do you think I have this out-rrrageous

accent, you silly king?!

Galahad: What are you doing in *England*?

S: Mind your own business!

A: If you will not show us the Grail, we shall take your castle by force!

S: You don't frighten us, English pig-dogs! Go and boil your bottoms, son of a

silly person! Ah blow my nose at you, so-called "Arthur Keeeng"! You and

all your silly English Knnnnnnnn-ighuts!!!



(the soldier proceeds to bang on his helmet with his hands and stick out his

tongue at the knights, making strange noises.)



Galahad: What a strange person.

A: (getting mad) Now look here, my good ma--

S: Ah don' wanna talk to you no more, you empty-headed animal food-trough

wiper! Ah fart in your general direction! Your mother was a hamster, and

your father smelt of elderberries!

Galahad: Is there someone else up there we can talk to?

S: No!! Now go away, or I shall taunt you a second time!

[Mavsfan911]

the Camelot song is funny too:

Arthur: Knights, to your new home. Let us ride...to ...
CAMELOT!


We're knights of the round table, we dance whene're we're able.
We do routines, and border scenes, and footwork imp-e-cable;
We dine well here in Camelot, we eat ham and jam and spamalot.

We're knights of the round table, our shows are for-mid-able
The many times, we're given rhymes, that are quite un-sing-able
We're often mad in Camelot, we sing from the lie of hamalot!

Though we're tough and able,
Quite in-de-fa-ti-gable,
Between our quests, we seek incest and impersonate Clark Gable,
It's a busy life in Camelot:

(Bass-Solo): I have to push the pram-a-lot!

Arthur: On second thought, let's not go to Camelot. It is a silly place.

[Mavsfan911]

castle anthrax? is that what its called? i was pretty sure but couldnt hear em clearly
was it Zute or Newt?

Woman: Theres only one punishment for turning on the Holy Grail shaped beacon! You must tie her to the bed, and spank her. After that you may do what you please. Then you must spank me.
Other Women: And me! And me!
Woman: Yes, you must give us all a good spanking. After that, comes the oral sex!
Other women: Oral sex!!!!

and then Lancelot comes and saves him from "peril"

[Mavsfan911]

Bring out ya dead!

Guard 1: <repeating> Not to leave the room, even if you come and get 'im.

Guard 2: *Hic*

King: Nono.... *Until* I come and get him.

Guard 1: Until you come and get him, we're not to enter the room.

King: <stops> Nono, no... You *stay* in the room, and make sure *he*

doesn't leave.

Guard 1: And you'll come and get him.

Guard 2: *Hic*

King: Right.

Guard 1: We don't need to do anything, apart from just stop him, entering the

room.

King: Nono. *Leaving* the room.

Guard 1: Leaving the room, yes.

King: All right?

Guard 1: 'Right.

King: Right. <goes out the door>

Guard 1: Oh! If if if uhhhh.... if if uhhhhh.... If if if we......

King: <coming back in> Yes, what is it?

Guard 1: Oh. I-if....... Oh....

King: Look, it's quite simple.

Guard 1: Uh.....

King: You just stay here, and make sure 'e doesn't leave the room.

All right?

Guard 2: *hic*

Guard 1: Oh, I remember! Uhhhh, can he leave the room with us?

King: No...nono, no. You just keep him in 'ere, and make sure...

Guard 1: Oh yes, we'll keep him in here, obviously, but if he *had*

to leave, and we *were* with him...

King: nononono just KEEP HIM IN HERE

Guard 1: ...Until you or anyone else...

King: No, not anyone else, just me...

Guard 1: ...Just you...

Guard 2: *hic*

King: Get back.

Guard 1: Get back.

King: All right?

Guard 1: Right, we'll stay here until you get back.

Guard 2: *hic*

King: <pause> And, uh... make sure 'e doesn't leave.

Guard 1: What?

King: <pause> Make sure 'e doesn't leave!

Guard 1: The prince??????

King: Yes, MAKE SURE 'E DOESN'T LEAVE...

Guard 2: *hic*

Guard 1: Oh, yes, of course!! I thought you meant him! <motions towards

the second guard> You know, it seemed a bit daft me having to guard

him when 'e's a guard...

King: <pause> Is that clear?

Guard 1: Oh, quite clear, no problems!

Guard 2: *hic*

King: Right. <starts to leave. The guards follow him>

Where are *you* going?

Guard 1: We're coming with you!

King: Nono, I want you to *stay* here and MAKE SURE 'E DOESN'T LEAVE!

Guard 1: Oh, I see, right!

Son: <plaintively> but father...

King: Shut your noise, you! And get that suit on. <leaves>



<music up>

<king re-enters>

AND NO SINGING!

Guard 2: *hic*

King: Oh, go and get a glass of water. (leaves)


some of this is from a monty python script site

[Mavsfan911]

Bedevere: What also floats in water?

Villager: Bread!

Another Villager: Apples!

Another Villager: Uh...very small rocks!

Another Villager: Cider!

Another Villager: Uh...great gravy!

Another Villager: Cherries!

Another Villager: Mud!

Another Villager: Churches! Churches!

Another Villager: Lead! Lead!

[Mavsfan911]

WHAT is your name?
Arthur, King of the Britons.

WHAT is your quest?
To seek the Holy Grail.

WHAT is the airspeed velocity of an unladen swallow?
Well, what kind? An African swallow or a European swallow?

Uh, hey! I dont know that!
*the bridgekeeper flies off into in the canyon*

[Meh]

These are indeed grave time when bandits can say "Ni" to an old women. Even those who making there means by the selling shrubbery have hit hard times.

You sell shurbbery?

I do. I am Phil. Phil the shubber.

(I suspect a CR breach there but haven't reported it. It was just to convientant)

[rklenseth]

Ooh, now we will have another thread quoting Monty Python. I have competition for Firefly quotes.

[Meh]

::mandolin plays::

...when danger reared it's ugly head
he bravely turned his tail and fled.
Brave. Brave. Brave Sir Robin...

[Meh]

Something to do with all those extra large bones.

Kill every animal save one rabbit and leave the large bones on the ground.

"Look at the bones"
"That rabba isa killa I tellya"

[Mavsfan911]

thats funny
ever notice sir robin has a picture of a chicken on his shield?
heh RK i doubt im anywhere close to you and angelus's reign of quotingness