Thought or Rant of the day!!!

[*Wiro]

fuck. I just realized that I left my mp3 over at the place where my sister had her stupid musical. Not only did I have to watch all the crap, but now I lost that, too. >.> DAMMIT

[Piscator]

I really wish I would live closer to you, Dust Puppy.

[Dudel]

That really sucks Dust Puppy. I hope everything is/gets better... some how.

[SekoETC]

Something that annoys me: People who post pictures that are bigger than my screen. Don't they know how to resize them?

[Ryaga]

Something that annoys me: People who post pictures that are bigger than my screen. Don't they know how to resize them?

I can see posting things up to about 1440xXXXX but anything larger and it's stupid, almost no one has a screen that larger. I am pretty sure support for resolutions stops around there too for video cards >_>

[Ryaga]

Rant: My video card sucks :S it bluescreens with Windows 7 and is unsupported by NVidia

[QueenofBlades]

*hugs*
Hugs, Puppy, and stop reading my diary. Seriousness though, huggles deary. *hughughughughug*

[Caesar]

I´m scared. It´s getting worse. If I ever had a fleeting hope of pulling through, it´s gone. Even the person who gets paid to help me with the smaller part of the problem has decided to tell me "I could help you, but it has to come from within yourself" (what the hell? If I could solve the problem alone I wouldn´t be sitting here!) She then went on to point out that the best way of solving my problems would be not having any problems, or by having a huge social network. She made it sound as if I could have one in an instand if I just felt like it. No, I don´t live in a kind of mind-numbing solitary confinement by choice. I lack the ability to create a social network, I never had one. I have no relatives, at least none who´d lift a finger to help me (yes, I know that. From experience). The only friends I have live miles and miles away, and that I´m using the plural is artistic license. It´s actually one friend, maybe two, and two more if I use the term "friend" very very loosely. The only time I get to see "real" people is when I go to the supermarket or the job centre, and since I lost weight people don´t look away anymore but stare and mutter "fat cow". Yes, that really encourages me to "just walk up to people and talk to them". And that´s on top of some significantly worse stuff I don´t even want to think about, let alone put it in words. If I hadn´t been insane before I´d go insane now. It used to get better (i.e. to almost bearable levels) from time to time but the bad times are becoming more frequent and exhausting and there´s no way to stop it. I´d put myself in the looney bin if I believed for a moment that a few weeks of taking drugs and talking to other nutjobs and then going back to having no life could change anything about 27 years of not having a life.

I give up.

I am not sure how to be able to help you.. But perhaps you should tell the one you pay to help you exactly what you told us...?

[*Wiro]

Well if you don't get along with those talking people, then get another. No use talking with people you don't feel comfortable talking with.

[rconley]

I´m scared. It´s getting worse. If I ever had a fleeting hope of pulling through, it´s gone. Even the person who gets paid to help me with the smaller part of the problem has decided to tell me "I could help you, but it has to come from within yourself" (what the hell? If I could solve the problem alone I wouldn´t be sitting here!) She then went on to point out that the best way of solving my problems would be not having any problems, or by having a huge social network. She made it sound as if I could have one in an instand if I just felt like it. No, I don´t live in a kind of mind-numbing solitary confinement by choice. I lack the ability to create a social network, I never had one. I have no relatives, at least none who´d lift a finger to help me (yes, I know that. From experience). The only friends I have live miles and miles away, and that I´m using the plural is artistic license. It´s actually one friend, maybe two, and two more if I use the term "friend" very very loosely. The only time I get to see "real" people is when I go to the supermarket or the job centre, and since I lost weight people don´t look away anymore but stare and mutter "fat cow". Yes, that really encourages me to "just walk up to people and talk to them". And that´s on top of some significantly worse stuff I don´t even want to think about, let alone put it in words. If I hadn´t been insane before I´d go insane now. It used to get better (i.e. to almost bearable levels) from time to time but the bad times are becoming more frequent and exhausting and there´s no way to stop it. I´d put myself in the looney bin if I believed for a moment that a few weeks of taking drugs and talking to other nutjobs and then going back to having no life could change anything about 27 years of not having a life.

I give up.

I can relate...more than you know. *hugs* I know what it's like and it sucks. I read this and just thought how much it could be and is my own life.

[Diego]

I don't know what to do with this girl, or what I am doing with her, or what she'll do with me. I don't know if I'll relapse my cocaine habit, because I've used, but avoiding the addict patterns, but yesterday felt a lot like the old days, on my own in my room, nothing but the next line on my mind and the aftertaste of self-disgust masked by chemical euphoria. I don't know how long it's been since I showed up for my psychologist's appointment, I've put it off at least several weeks. I don't know how I'll tell him that I tried heroin, resumed occasional cocaine use and got my heart broken without him thinking I'm unstable. I don't know if I am stable, as a matter of fact.

I hate not knowing.

It's been eleven days. I think all my characters are going to die, because I was mugged on a bus while drunk and on acid and no longer have my phone, and I don't sit down in the studio frequently enough to maintain a character. I'll miss a couple of them. I turned nineteen on July 8. The festivities extended from July 6 until the 13. I did more LSD than I thought possible, too much blow, some ecstacy, enough pot, too much alcohol, way too many prescription pills. No heroin. She didn't do any, either. In fact, she detoxed and burned off the withdrawal partying with me for my birthday. We slept in each other's arms every time we caught any sleep that week. Which wasn't that much, truth be told. But now we're dating, and God, I couldn't be more overjoyed. This is my first sincere, regular relationship. She's almost 24, a gifted artist and photographer and designer. A muse. So much has evaporated in the past few weeks. I've been in a sort of hypomanic state for so long. Creativity is burning, steaming, exploding. I can't stop writing once I start. I can't stop painting or drawing. Inhale the world, exhale the beauty. I'm leaving for a month this summer, I don't know where we're going, but wherever it is, I'm sure it'll be improvised on the go and absurdly awesome. In the meantime she continues to attend her photography classes and I'm about to start a short course on writing screenplays, working on polishing my French, working on my drawing technique. I've no idea where my life will be six months from now, a year from now, five years from now. And I'm very, very excited.

[Litchin_flip]

How many people are there playing cantr these days?

[Dudel]

How many people are there playing cantr these days?

Awfully quiet today, yes?

...well I'm not "helping" much in that matter today.

[Mr. Black]

I just wish one of my characters' trial would be oveeeer......in a good way, I don't want him to get executed!

[Litchin_flip]

It really is quiet today. That blows mr. Black.