Lets here some funny jokes. I don't really have to many anymore.
Chuck Norris doesn't sleep he waits.
Edit: This thread is for "Cantr-related" jokes now.
-Joshuamonkey
Cantr-Related Jokes
Moderators: Public Relations Department, Players Department
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Litchin_flip
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Cantr-Related Jokes
SIMMONS--SNOWWIS--hmmm interesting don't you think
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SekoETC
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- Location: Finland
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A guy went to see a doctor since his elbow was hurting. The doctor told him to pee in a cup. The guy was puzzled, "what does my urine have anything to do with my elbow?" The doctor said that they have a new machine that can diagnose anything out of urine. So the guy peed in a cup and they let the machine analyze it and it said "you have a tennis elbow".
The guy started wondering if he could fool the machine somehow and he asked for another cup so that he could take another sample back home and bring it to be analyzed the next day. When he got home, he asked a urine sample from his wife and daughter, even took one from his dog, a bit of oil from his car and finally jizzed in the cup, stirred it and took it to the doctor's office the next morning. The machine started beeping and clanking and the lights were flashing, the man was chuckling to himself thinking it's going to blow up trying to analyze this cocktail! But finally the machine spit out a sheet of paper that said "Your wife has gonorrhea, your daughter is pregnant, your dog has fleas, your car is a piece of junk and if you don't stop jerking off, your tennis elbow will never heal".
(There are plenty of other versions, sometimes the machine is at the drugstore and said to be cheaper than a visit to a doctor, sometimes it was developed by scientists who want to put it to a test. Sometimes the machine is very blunt and accurate, sometimes it also offers instructions like soaking the arm in warm water. Also it can say that the wife is pregnant with twins and they're not yours, get a lawyer, while the daughter is a cocaine addict, and so forth.)
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A couple went to see a doctor because they haven't managed to make any children. The doctor asked them all sorts of questions about family history and such, found out they were both healthy. Then finally he got around to asking "how have you tried to make the baby?" And they said "oh we just sleep together in the same bed and our parents always used to say that it would happen naturally". Turns out they had never actually had intercourse.
The guy started wondering if he could fool the machine somehow and he asked for another cup so that he could take another sample back home and bring it to be analyzed the next day. When he got home, he asked a urine sample from his wife and daughter, even took one from his dog, a bit of oil from his car and finally jizzed in the cup, stirred it and took it to the doctor's office the next morning. The machine started beeping and clanking and the lights were flashing, the man was chuckling to himself thinking it's going to blow up trying to analyze this cocktail! But finally the machine spit out a sheet of paper that said "Your wife has gonorrhea, your daughter is pregnant, your dog has fleas, your car is a piece of junk and if you don't stop jerking off, your tennis elbow will never heal".
(There are plenty of other versions, sometimes the machine is at the drugstore and said to be cheaper than a visit to a doctor, sometimes it was developed by scientists who want to put it to a test. Sometimes the machine is very blunt and accurate, sometimes it also offers instructions like soaking the arm in warm water. Also it can say that the wife is pregnant with twins and they're not yours, get a lawyer, while the daughter is a cocaine addict, and so forth.)
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A couple went to see a doctor because they haven't managed to make any children. The doctor asked them all sorts of questions about family history and such, found out they were both healthy. Then finally he got around to asking "how have you tried to make the baby?" And they said "oh we just sleep together in the same bed and our parents always used to say that it would happen naturally". Turns out they had never actually had intercourse.
Not-so-sad panda
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Piscator
- Administrator Emeritus
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- Joined: Sun Jul 02, 2006 4:06 pm
- Location: Known Space
How many Cantrians does it take to change a lightbulb?
Four.
One to pretend it's dark inside buildings and complain about it. A second one to pretend inventing and building a lightbulb. Another one to pretend to build a ladder and hold it steady for the second one and finally a fourth one to roleplay powering the lightbulb with a human-sized hamster wheel generator.
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Why does the red-tailed hawk walk along the road?
Because you can't cross roads and there are no chickens.
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How did Cantr get its name?
It's short for "Can't really think of a name".
Four.
One to pretend it's dark inside buildings and complain about it. A second one to pretend inventing and building a lightbulb. Another one to pretend to build a ladder and hold it steady for the second one and finally a fourth one to roleplay powering the lightbulb with a human-sized hamster wheel generator.
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Why does the red-tailed hawk walk along the road?
Because you can't cross roads and there are no chickens.
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How did Cantr get its name?
It's short for "Can't really think of a name".
Pretty in pink.
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Doug R.
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chase02
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Piscator wrote:How many Cantrians does it take to change a lightbulb?
Four.
One to pretend it's dark inside buildings and complain about it. A second one to pretend inventing and building a lightbulb. Another one to pretend to build a ladder and hold it steady for the second one and finally a fourth one to roleplay powering the lightbulb with a human-sized hamster wheel generator
..and one to roleplay stealing the lightbulb (five!)
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SekoETC
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- Location: Finland
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Dust Puppy
- Posts: 512
- Joined: Tue Jun 20, 2006 5:35 pm
Re: Jokes
Litchin_flip wrote:Chuck Norris doesn't sleep, he waits for his Cantr characters to light up.
Fixed.
More Chuck Norris Facts:
Chuck Norris uses all his 2000 Cantr minutes each day - before breakfast. He then roundhouse kicks the game into giving him another 2000 minutes.
If a character played by Chuck Norris has 1000 grams of iron and one of your characters has 1000 grams of iron, Chuck Norris´ character has more iron than yours.
Characters played by Chuck Norris can hunt the same pack of animals twice a day.
Characters played by Chuck Norris can attack people twice a day.
Characters played by Chuck Norris can eat onions even when they are not hurt.
Chuck Norris does not break the CR. He roundhouse kicks it.
Characters played by Chuck Norris make no slip-ups. They just whisper so loudly that everyone can hear it (even players who aren´t logged in).
Before Chuck Norris reads his characters´ new events, he roundhouse kicks the text into being spelled correctly.
Characters played by Chuck Norris can carry 30000 grams.
Characters played by Chuck Norris can lock doors from the outside.
Chuck Norris plays 16 characters at once.
Last edited by Dust Puppy on Wed Apr 29, 2009 8:46 pm, edited 1 time in total.
What doesn´t kill you prolongs the agony.
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Piscator
- Administrator Emeritus
- Posts: 6843
- Joined: Sun Jul 02, 2006 4:06 pm
- Location: Known Space
2674-1.32: You hear someone knocking on the door to My Castle.
2674-1.33: You drop note -Who's there?-
2674-1.33: You pull a note from My Castle to Outside.
2674-1.34: You see note being pulled to My Castle, coming from Outside.
2674-1.37: You take note -Doris-
2674-1.37: You drop note -Doris who?-
2674-1.37: You pull a note from My Castle to Outside.
2674-1.38: You see note being pulled to My Castle, coming from Outside.
2674-1.39: You take note -Doris locked. Please let me in.-
2674-1.33: You drop note -Who's there?-
2674-1.33: You pull a note from My Castle to Outside.
2674-1.34: You see note being pulled to My Castle, coming from Outside.
2674-1.37: You take note -Doris-
2674-1.37: You drop note -Doris who?-
2674-1.37: You pull a note from My Castle to Outside.
2674-1.38: You see note being pulled to My Castle, coming from Outside.
2674-1.39: You take note -Doris locked. Please let me in.-
Pretty in pink.
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Dust Puppy
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joo
- Posts: 5021
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- Location: London, UK
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joo
- Posts: 5021
- Joined: Fri Jun 17, 2005 2:26 pm
- Location: London, UK
When Chuck Norris spawns a character, they are always expert and everything and have 200% health.
Chuck Noriss's characters are actually expert at everything except tailoring, because they're so sexy that nobody wants them to wear clothes.
Chuck Norris can dock to any boat, even if he isn't in another boat.
Chuck Norris's characters can gather potatoes with their bare hands faster than other characters using dung forks.
When the game lags, it's because Chuck Norris just logged in.
When Chuck Norris makes a suggestion, he posts it in Implemented Suggestions.
Chuck Noriss's characters are actually expert at everything except tailoring, because they're so sexy that nobody wants them to wear clothes.
Chuck Norris can dock to any boat, even if he isn't in another boat.
Chuck Norris's characters can gather potatoes with their bare hands faster than other characters using dung forks.
When the game lags, it's because Chuck Norris just logged in.
When Chuck Norris makes a suggestion, he posts it in Implemented Suggestions.
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Piscator
- Administrator Emeritus
- Posts: 6843
- Joined: Sun Jul 02, 2006 4:06 pm
- Location: Known Space
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nitefyre
- Posts: 3528
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- Location: New York City
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Re: Jokes
Dust Puppy wrote:Litchin_flip wrote:Chuck Norris doesn't sleep, he waits for his Cantr characters to light up.
Fixed.
More Chuck Norris Facts:
Chuck Norris uses all his 2000 Cantr minutes each day - before breakfast. He then roundhouse kicks the game into giving him another 2000 minutes.
If a character played by Chuck Norris has 1000 grams of iron and one of your characters has 1000 grams of iron, Chuck Norris´ character has more iron than yours.
Characters played by Chuck Norris can hunt the same pack of animals twice a day.
Characters played by Chuck Norris can attack people twice a day.
Characters played by Chuck Norris can eat onions even when they are not hurt.
Chuck Norris does not break the CR. He roundhouse kicks it.
Characters played by Chuck Norris make no slip-ups. They just whisper so loudly that everyone can hear it (even players who aren´t logged in).
Before Chuck Norris reads his characters´ new events, he roundhouse kicks the text into being spelled correctly.
Characters played by Chuck Norris can carry 30000 grams.
Characters played by Chuck Norris can lock doors from the outside.
Chuck Norris plays 16 characters at once.
Those were great
When the game lags, it's because Chuck Norris just logged in.
Chuck Norris doesn't log in. Cantr tries to login Chuck Norris.
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Piscator
- Administrator Emeritus
- Posts: 6843
- Joined: Sun Jul 02, 2006 4:06 pm
- Location: Known Space
A newspawn walks into a bar and asks the bartender:
"What do you sell here?"
Bartender: "We've got beer, cider, wine, mead and punch. But the punch's for free."
Newspawn: "Why's the punch for free?"
The Bartender rolls up his sleeves and smacks the newspawn in the face.
"'Cause drinks are healing food and you can't consume them when you're fully healed."
"What do you sell here?"
Bartender: "We've got beer, cider, wine, mead and punch. But the punch's for free."
Newspawn: "Why's the punch for free?"
The Bartender rolls up his sleeves and smacks the newspawn in the face.
"'Cause drinks are healing food and you can't consume them when you're fully healed."
Pretty in pink.
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