Abstinence

[Racetyme]

I mostly agree with our good friend the farmer. However, I would say that, for the first time, its better to be with someone you "love", and are in a relationship with. After that though, the skies the limit.

[Schme]

Sex is a lot of fun and perfectly safe as long as you know what you're doing and use protection.

That said, depends on what you're up to. If it means that much to you, waiting, then go ahead and wait. But I would say not many people marry folks they haven't had sex with in this day and age.

Sex is also a pretty big thing, here. Once you take someone's virginity, you've taken it forever. Or lose it. Whatever.

Girls, don't have sex just to please men. I know. I've used women terribly in my time. Use sex to please someone you love, but don't go around, you know? It's hard to explain. But I know that I have exploited many women in the past out of selfishness, and have made them terribly sad (To say the least.) What's more, I've seen women destroyed by manipulative bastards. It's an awful thing.

And in the end, sex is fun, but sex with people you don't care about, believe it or not, eventually loses it's charm.

I find also that men are very unkind when taking a woman for the first time. Very insensitive. People should really think more about them, you know? Taking a girl in the backseat of a car or smashed at a party is wrong thing to do. They can only have one first time. And you got to be honest, too. I once told a woman I loved her when I did not just so I could have sex with her. Of all the terrible things I've done to people, that's probably the worst.

I guess it boils down to personal preference. It's good to have experience before settling down with someone for good, and to make sure they're any good. But a lot of meaningless sex eventually leaves one feeling empty. I find.

I'd say you should have sex before marriage if you want to, ladies, but do it with a good person, and not a bastard. And don't let anyone pressure you. Having sex you don't want is not good for you. Trust me, I've seen that.

I sound like a fucking gym teacher.

[Sunni Daez]

Testing the waters? ...This is weird.... without love.. sex is just that.. sex...to say that is to say you base your love on that sex.. base your marriage on sex... You know, true partners, ones that honestly love one another can talk, share, experiment, teach... and it can develop into exactly what you desire.

I am not saying I support either choice. It is somehing you must choose for yourself... but if you let the moment of heated passion make that choice for you... most will end up regretting the choice.

If you are truely in love... enough to marry someone.. then what you are doing is not simply having sex... you are expressing your love for the other person, how can anyone say that expression of love is a bad one?

To me... saying you are testing the waters.. is a cop out to saying you wanted to have sex...(and I am not saying it is a bad thing, it is a personal choice, just as I have the choice of my opinion) But I suppose in our everchanging world ... Things and actions hold different meanings than they use to.

What ever choice you make, make it wisely, think long and hard about what you will be doing, as once it is done... it cannot be changed... you cannot go back in time and erase that it happened... and if the one you are with, leaves you with a gift... it will affect the rest of your life..and may even give you a long, slow death sentance.

.......such an odd topic...

[SekoETC]

Warning: strong language and adult content

The world has gone so twisted... Sure people have desires but you don't always have to act on them. I've done a lot of stupid things and I've never gotten an orgasm from intercourse. I think it must be because it has always been with a wrong partner. Sex can just tear you apart. Nowadays TV is so full of shit that would've been considered pornographic a hundred years ago, or even 50. I learned from a soap opera in the age of 12 (or younger) that people can suck cock. It had never crossed my mind before that.

Yesterday I read an article that suggested that Muslims might hate America so bad because they see these TV-shows and imagine America is really all that. An abomination. I'm not saying people should all pull on a hijab but all the shit on TV just makes me sick. And when people are brought up among shit, what stops them from being twisted? I still keep thinking the upper class in America is like depicted in the Bold and the Beautiful, although I might be wrong. Most likely am. I acknowledge this but how about all the fanatics?

Kids from the age of 10 think they must have sex because everyone else does. When I saw this documentary about True Love Awaits, I was thinking gee, a ten year old girl wearing the campaign ring, how can anyone in that age make the decision? - they must be brainwashed. But looks like if you don't make the decision in that age, it might soon be too late. On some forums the most common age of losing virginity is 13. Even though people here seem to be pro-choice and having sex if you feel ready for it, can a 13-year-old be considered ready? ...How about a ten-year-old? - When I was 13 or 14, I was very pissed when people refused to rp sex with me in chatrooms. I couldn't understand why. I felt like I knew everything and was ready, at least online. Many kids imagine they're ok in real life as well. And we have 15-16 year old guys with intellince on the level of a 14-year-old, but they're physically pretty developped. Would you like a horny 15-year-old fucking your 10-year-old little girl because she thinks all her friends are doing it too? And his classmates think he's childish so he can't find company from girls of his own age. How can you tell your child not to sleep around when you've done / are doing it yourself?

[Zanthos]

(not to mention the fact that if she got one there is a high chance she could never have kids again)

Propaganda (unless your then girlfriend had other complications). Legal abortions have no relationship with infertility.

Thats exactly the case, but I dont feel like i have the right to go into the details.

Anyway I agree with Seko. the younger generation is practically pressured into sexual relations, and I for one felt like I was the only virgin in my school, which probably influenced my decisions when i considered gettin into a more serious relationship with my ex.

[Sunni Daez]

(not to mention the fact that if she got one there is a high chance she could never have kids again)

Propaganda (unless your then girlfriend had other complications). Legal abortions have no relationship with infertility.

Not just propaganda... abortion may not have a high risk of infertility, but there is definitley the risk, and the farther along she is, the higher the risk... more so from post procedure complications than the abortion itself.


(on a side note... *deleted.....to controversal*)

[formerly known as hf]

Anyway I agree with Seko. the younger generation is practically pressured into sexual relations, and I for one felt like I was the only virgin in my school, which probably influenced my decisions when i considered gettin into a more serious relationship with my ex.

I think you'll find teenagers generally lie about those sorts of things.

Teenagers will go around 'bragging' about how much sex they've had, and with who. And they just haven't had any. Those 'forum polls' are hardly scientific.

Anonymous questionnnaires, where teenagers are likely to be truthful, indicate the age of 'loss of virginity' to be about the same for young men and women, and that's about 16-18.

The sexualisation of adolescents is another issue, however. But it yet again plays on adult fears a bout 'loss of innocence' - which is just entirely balls. We all have ideals of childhood and what our children should be like, and they're just that. Ideals. And often very far from reality.


One anecdote, which i quite like, is regards to my partner's younger sisters (one eleven, the other 14). One of them purchased a t-shirt and the other some stationary with the 'Playboy Bunny' logo. Their mother went and got them a playboy magazine, showed it to them. They were fairly horrified, and got rid of their purchases.

Which backs up my general view on the sexulisation of adolescents - largely that they do not consider 'sexy' at all. Or, if they do, it's not as we imagine it. The clothes they wear, they wear not to be 'sexy' in an adult sense, but simply to follow fashion. It is labelled sexy, as that's the adult label - but it means something entirely different to the children. And this is something shown by many studies into the subject. We worry about the sexualisation of children, but sex and 'sexy' do not come into the fashion and media choices of children.

[kinvoya]

Exactly, hf. It is natural for children and teenagers to express and experiment with being sexual but that does not mean they want to have sex. Some get sexualized (molested) too young by adults or other children and act out on these experiences by becoming sexually active at a very young age. Most people, I think, become sexually active in their late teens although many wait until thier 20s (more than you think).

I don't advocate waiting for marriage because I think people should marry at about 30 and this is too long to wait for sex. I don't think it is physically or emotionally healthy to go without any sex for that long. Some people get around this by doing "everything but intercourse" which is OK, I guess, but I couldn't do it.

I, too, think sex is best in a relationship. For women, especially, that emotional connection is pretty important.

I'm impressed with how thoughtful and sensitive this thread has become.

Also, Seko. Most women do not have orgasms during intercourse. Even though they like intercourse they usually get to orgasm through oral sex. It makes me sad that so many women (and men) think they are doing something wrong if the woman doesn't have an orgasm during intercourse.

[SekoETC]

Hf, that's a good point you're bringing up. Too bad that some adults tend to imagine that if a kid dresses up "sexy" it means they're fair game. Or not even a kid, a teen or ... anybody. People want to get looks and admiration but they don't necessarily want to get groped or laid.

I often feel like even if I'm aroused, I don't wanna lose control of myself, it would be somehow embarrassing. And that makes things troublesome.

[Antichrist_Online]

We all know my personal opinion on this... (As long as it's consentual, knock youself out).
However I do agree that the first time at least should be with someone you love, not lust.

[Schme]

That's the thing, though. I personally believe love usually develops out of lust. People see somebody they want to have sex with, go for her, go around with her for a while and stay with them. Not always from what "Love" develops, but let's be honest, now. First person you fuck half the time not the person you'll marry.

And we all know men go for people they don't "Love" or plan to "Love". Women too. Let's be honest, here.

Also true, yeah, that's the thing too. One might be physically developed to fuck, but that's biology. I know the first time I was with someone I was far from ready to be, even though I wanted to be.

And HF brings up very good point. All these children don't know a godamn thing, half the time. You can usually shift the bullshit out from the real. For boys, it's a status thing. If you've fucked, or how many women you get. And so they lie about it. But give them a woman, they wouldn't know where to start.

That said, there are communities, my own, for one, where children begin to have sex at a very young age, before they should be. Got too watch out for that. I've seen that. Older guys seducing young girls who just want some affection from a man, like any girl does. Espicially ones who's father's are worthless or not around. Throw themselves at guys. Got to watch out for that.

All rambling aside, all sex is fine, even with people who do not care about you, as long as you are alright, you're not getting hurt (as in you're playing it safe), you're consenting (of course), but most importantly, you're in control. That you're not being coerced, physically or emotionally, that you're not being pressured or manipulated, you're not being exploited. If you're in control, then it should be alright.

That said, you can really get hurt real bad. Emotinally, I mean. Some bastards can really fuck up a girls head.

Those guys are right. Ideally, you want to be with someone who actually cares about you. That's best.

Though some men are pretty good at seeming like they give a fuck.

[Zanthos]

Though some men are pretty good at seeming like they give a fuck.

dum dum, ching

[Schme]

I don't understand what you mean by that.

[Sparkle]

Testing the waters? ...This is weird.... without love.. sex is just that.. sex...to say that is to say you base your love on that sex.. base your marriage on sex... You know, true partners, ones that honestly love one another can talk, share, experiment, teach... and it can develop into exactly what you desire.

I am not saying I support either choice. It is somehing you must choose for yourself... but if you let the moment of heated passion make that choice for you... most will end up regretting the choice.

If you are truely in love... enough to marry someone.. then what you are doing is not simply having sex... you are expressing your love for the other person, how can anyone say that expression of love is a bad one?

To me... saying you are testing the waters.. is a cop out to saying you wanted to have sex...(and I am not saying it is a bad thing, it is a personal choice, just as I have the choice of my opinion) But I suppose in our everchanging world ... Things and actions hold different meanings than they use to.

Since this seems to be addressed to me I think I should respond...

I see I have to elaborate a little more. I do not think testing the waters is a cop out way of saying I wanted to have sex at all. Most people are not honest with themselves, but I am. Love is very important in a marriage and sex will not be the only thing that matters, but it is an important factor. I am not about to marry someone who isn't satisfied by me or I am not satisfied by him and let the marriage go bad years from now do to him cheating on me or me on him (which I would never do because a promise to God, myself, and my spouse is more important to me then mere desires, but there are woman who would). I am not like some who uses sex as an excuse to get married and I am not saying the first person I had great sex with is the person I jumped to marry. That would be basing a marriage on sex. For you to say that just because I choose to have sex before marriage that the marriage is based on sex is just ridiculous and shows how much you know. You have to put a lot into a marriage and yes, love has to be there for it to work, but I see it to many times how a man says he loves this woman to death or a woman says she loves her man to death, but when the sex isn't good he will cheat and so do women when they feel they are not being pleasured like they should. You can lie to yourself and go on believing that in most marriages love alone will keep it together, but I know better. It also takes commitment, patience, and will power (which is easier when you know what you are getting into). Sorry if you do not see it that way, but maybe one day when love is not enough for him you will understand. With that said, my husband and I have been married going on 6 years and I know that love has a lot to do with it, but it is hard work and I do not regret nor feel it is wrong to eliminate sex as an obstacle by knowing what I was getting into before hand.

Before my words are twisted, I would also like to add that this does not mean I condone young people having sex because I don't. I think it is ridiculous when I see anyone under 18 having sex like it is a hobby. I believe you are not responsible for your actions until you are legal and your parents are no longer responsible for you. For you to say it is your business to have sex and you are only 14 is just wrong. Yes, it is your body but your body at that age is your parents’ responsibility. Anything you do falls on them so it is selfish for you to have sex and think that it will just impact your life. Even you getting a disease or getting pregnant will not only affect you for the rest of your life, but until you are 18 (a lot older for diseases with no cures) it will affect your parents too.

Anyone else, who would like me to elaborate that have twisted what I said, please let me know.

[Schme]

After some thought, ladies, I've come to realize it's really best if the only person you have sex with before marriage is me.