The Authoritarian Party of Cantr

[Schme]

Constitution of the Authoritarian Party of Cantr

Preamble: We, the Party, hold these truths to be most fabulous and these goals sacred and righteous, and hereby dedicate ourselves, guided by the ideas of Schme and Schmeist-Authoritarianism, to the realization of these goals and the subversion of all other goals, to the principles, doctrines and commands of the Party, and to the maintenance and support of corrupt politics in general.

ARTICLE I-Name

SECTION 1-The name of this organization shall be The Authoritarian Party of Cantr.

ARTICLE II- Organization and Leadership

SECTION 1- Leadership of the party is to be assumed by the party President, who in turn shall be elected by the Central Party Committee from within its own ranks, who will act as leader of the Party and the Central Party Committee. The President of the Party shall have the title of His/Her Excellency the President of the Party.

SECTION 2- The Central Party Committee is to be composed of seven Party Delegates. The Central Party Committee shall be the sole and supreme legislative assembly of the party. All members and aspects of the party are subject to the control of the Central Party Committee. The Central Party Committee is to legislate and direct the party. All decisions and propositions regarding party policy, leadership and action are to be put to a vote of the Central Party Committee. All other party organizations are subservient and under the authority of the Central Party Committee. The President of the Party’s vote counts as two votes in the Central Party Committee.

SECTION 3- The delegates of the Central Party Committee are to be appointed by the President of the Party.

ARTICLE III-Beliefs and Goals

SECTION 1- CONSIDERING,
that it has been proven beyond any doubt that the system of Schmeism of is the best conceivable system of government and is best for the good of mankind when applied to anything, especially websites, and
BECAUSE,
Jos and the Cantr Board of Directors have not and does not plan to apply, or has been incompetent in the application of, the ideas of Schmeist-Authoritarianism to the website of Cantr.net and its affiliated webpages,
THAT,
The Jos and the Cantr Board of Directors must relinquish all power over said web pages to or have all power appropriated by the Authoritarian Party of Cantr which will establish over said things an effective Schmeist-Authoritarian government, guided by the ideas of Schmeism as set down by Schme.

SECTION 2- The Authoritarian Party of Cantr believe, as a bunch of people looking out for their own interests and with nothing better to do, in the establishment of the independent republic of Cantr, to be ruled as a Schmeist state guided by the principles of Schmeism as set out by Schme, based in the territory of, I don’t know, an apartment building somewhere. Or something.

SECTION 3- In accordance with the doctrines of Schmeist-Authoritarianism and with Section 1 of Article III of the Party constitution, that we must do our best to be exercise any power, wealth, influence or leverage of any kind to gain more of said commodities for the party.

SECTION 4- The Party President is entitled to have a harem of party or non party members paid for and maintained through the Party.

SECTION 5- All Party members shall put the party’s goals and commands before any others including their own, for the good of the party.

SECTION 6- Any and all conceivable methods are entirely justified to bring about the party’s goals.

SECTION 7- The Party shall do it’s utmost to undermine and harm its enemies and those who are not helpful to it.

SECTION 8- Section 8 of the Constitution of the Authoritarian Party of Cantr shall have no useful purpose.

SECTION 9- All party members shall address and refer to each other as Comrade.

ARTICLE IV- Party Organizations

SECTION 1- All Party Organizations must have Central Party Committee permission to exist as legitimate organs of the party.

SECTION 2- There shall be a Ministry of Propaganda. Members of for the Ministry of Propaganda shall be recruited from the ranks of the Party the members. The Ministry of Propaganda shall be made up of the Minister of Propaganda, leader of the Ministry, appointed by the Central Party Committee. The Minister of Propaganda shall appoint volunteers from the party to the ministry. The goal of the Ministry is to actively recruit new members to the party and the cause and to propagate and encourage our views and goals, and the righteous and kickass nature of said views and goals. Further, it shall work to discredit and disparage party detractors. The Ministry is directly responsible to the Central Party Committee. The President has the authority to expulse force the resignation of the Minister at any time. All propaganda work produced by the Ministry must be approved by the Central Party Committee.

SECTION 3- There shall be a sub division of the Ministry of Propaganda, recruited from the ranks of the Ministry of Propaganda, by the name of the Authoritarian Artists Collective. This collective shall be charged with the creation of works of visual art for the purposes of propaganda and commissioned by the party to create visual symbols as needed.

SECTION 4- There shall be a party organization by the name of the Grey Guard. The Grey Guard shall be the military wing of the Authoritarian Party of Cantr. It shall be composed of volunteers recruited from the party ranks. It shall be headed by the Commander of the Grey Guard, who shall be appointed by the president. The Commander may be forced to reseign from his post by the president. The Grey Guard shall concern itself with the protection of party interests, members and property, with subversion of and aggression action towards the party’s enemies, including but not solely consisting of extortion, intimidation, assault, theft, and idle threats. Members of the Grey Guard can be expulsed from their positions by the president. Members of the Grey Guard shall never break the laws, by-laws or local statutes for party business. The uniform of the Grey Guard shall be a baseball cap with the bill pointing forward.

ARTICLE V-Membership

SECTION 1- Members of the Party must subscribe to all party doctrine and work towards the achievement of the party’s goals.

SECTION 2- Party Members must respect the party chain of Command and the rules of the party.

SECTION 3- Party Members may have their membership resigned by the Central Party Committee at any time for any reason.

SECTION 4- Party Members shall not use the name of the party for non party business and not misleadingly use their membership to contradict any party doctrine or action. Party Members will not cite Party authority falsely.

SECTION 5- All Party members must swear the Oath of the Authoritarian Party of Cantr, which is as follows: “I, (Name), do solemnly swear by all things holy and unholy, divine and inanimate, explicit and abstract, right and wrong, and upon my life, to uphold the ideals of the party, to work towards the achievement of the party’s goals, to do all in my power to further the cause, and to put the party before all else. I assert that the doctrine of Schmeist-Authoritarianism is best for mankind and is the best system to apply in any circumstance, and that Schme is really good looking and kicks ass. This I do swear. Say word.”

SECTION 6- Applicants must obtain the backing of one member of the Central Party Committee to become a full member of the party.

ARTICLE VI-Symbols of the Party

SECTION 1- The Party colour shall be Grey.

SECTION 2- The Symbol of the Party shall be a black five pointed star to the right of a black diagonal claw hammer emblazoned on a dark grey background.

SECTION 3- The Symbol of the Ministry of Propaganda shall be a black speaker phone on to the right of a black diagonal claw hammer emblazoned on a dark grey background.

SECTION- The Symbol of the Grey Guard shall be a black police truncheon to the right of a black diagonal claw hammer emblazoned on a dark grey background.

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Ratified Unanimously on October 14, 2006, by the first meeting of the Central Party Committee.

Party Structure

Party Founder: Schme
President of the Party: Schme
The Central Party Committee
1st Delegate of the Central Party Committee: Schme
2st Delegate of the Central Party Committee: Phalynx
3st Delegate of the Central Party Committee: N-Aldwitch
4st Delegate of the Central Party Committee: Nalaris
5st Delegate of the Central Party Committee: formerly known as HF
6st Delegate of the Central Party Committee: Vacant
7st Delegate of the Central Party Committee: Vacant

Ministry of Propaganda
Minister of Propaganda: N-Aldwitch
Members: Duckers
Nalaris

Authoritarian Artists Collective
Members:

The Grey Guard
Commander of the Grey Guard: Commander Phalynx
Grey Guards: Duckers
formerly known as HF

Members of the Authoritarian Party of Cantr:
Schme CPC, OFC, AHFC, AHSC
Phalynx CPC, OFC, AHFC
N-Aldwitch CPC, OFC, AHFC
Nalaris CPC, AHFS
formerly known as hf CPC
Duckers AHFS
Bowser
mtm21
Kinvoya

The Order of Full Coolness
President Schme
Minister N-Aldwitch
Commander Phalynx

[Wolf]

Hm, but what if someone wants to join and their name isn't (name)?
Or what if they tend to refer to themselves in 2nd or 3rd person, instead of 1st?
Such things could mean that they wouldn't consider the oath as applying to them...

[Schme]

Well than tough shit for them. According to the constitution, anyways.

It doesn't matter if you're name is name or not. That's that Oath. Hey, I'm just following in the words of his Excellency and the democratically ratified constitution.

[fishfin]

SECTION 8- Section 8 of the Constitution of the Authoritarian Party of Cantr shall have no useful purpose.

[Nalaris]

You forgot to put in

Article III-Beliefs and Goals
Section 10-Zuchinni
The Constitution shall contain a picture of giant prehistoric zuchinni.

Like that reference to section 8 being useless could possibly be independent from Dave Barry's 'Section 8 of the Constitution has been intentionally left blank'.

[Schme]

No, actually. I just wanted nine sections.

I did read that book a few years ago, however. That guy's full kickass.

[Crosshair]

[Phalynx]

I'm in.... do I get a black shirt?

[Schme]

You certainly do. However, I put bleach in stead of soap in the wash by mistake, so it's a bit greyish. I'll mail it to you, Comrade.

But bear in mind that Canada Post employees are for the most part either incompetent or thieves, so it's just as likely to disappear into to the abyss then to get to you. But in any event...


Second Meeting of the Central Party Committee, October 15, 2006

His Excellency President Schme holds the floor.

“Comrades, we’ve made a great deal of progress since the last time we gathered here. Thanks to my brilliant plan of aggressive recruiting and clever propaganda, party membership has increased by 100%!”

(Thunderous Applause)

“…Thank you, thank you. Also, I have the pleasure of announcing a promising new member of the party, whom I vouch for, Comrade Phalynx!”

(More Applause.)

“You’re to kind, really....Now, as President of the Party, I must surround myself with competence, intelligence and ideological purity. It is vital that the upper echelon of our party is staffed by the best of our ranks, the most skilled in the art of leadership, and the most ghettofabulous of us all. On that note, I am glad to announce the appointment of a new delegate to the Central Party Committee, Phalynx!”

(General Rejoicing.)
(The playing of a traditional party song.)
http://www.quovadis.qc.ca/promo/Silence ... _Storm.mp3

[Phalynx]

Mmm Grey suits meet... I trust the Grey Guard involves lots of mindless violence.... in pursuit of the party aims of course...

[Schme]

Naturally.

[Crosshair]

*hears someone smashing his door down* I knew i should have actually bothered to vote this time...

[Hannibal The Imbecile 15]

But bear in mind that Canada Post employees are for the most part either incompetent or thieves, so it's just as likely to disappear into to the abyss then to get to you. But in any event...

A dis-honest Canadian???? Never heard of one of those.

[Schme]

No, no, Canadians never do anything. We're just a peaceful bunch, we are, like Inderjit Singh Reyat, Maurice Boucher, Robert Pickton and the Rock Machine Biker Club, just to name a few of our more peaceful and law abiding beacons of morality.

Nice of you to say, though. And as for me, I'm totally trustworthy. I'm honest like Alfonso Gagliano, I am. He'll even vouch for me, I bet.

[N-Aldwitch]

Heh, someone either had a lot of free time or they were bored.
But I'm in.