Funny or Interesting notes

[Genie]

Thanks for making me laugh so hard.

[iavatus]

Found this, riffling about.

The maintenance and care of a dedicated sleeper - a guide

Case study

Name of subject: Ivy
Date of spawn: Don't care
Years since last significant movement: 8
Reason for movement: Unknown. Possibly a spasm.
Reason for being kept alive: Unknown, see background

Importance to the world, 10 years ago:
Importance to the world, 20 years ago:
Importance to the world, 30 years ago:
Importance to the world, 40 years ago:
Importance to the world, 50 years ago:
Contributions in the last 20 years:


Background and personal appearance

Ivy was always different. When others would bound, and smile and explore and laugh, Ivy would sleep, and sleep, and sleep, and sleep. However, all that sleeping did amazing things in three areas. First up, she didn't age or change physically. Her tools did, from rust and neglect, but not Ivy. Still the perfectly hour glassed figure she always was at the age of twenty, to her current age of ..... really really old. However some scars never heal. These are generally called attention scars, no matter the depth of them, age of them or location. Mostly on the wrists, due to not actually interfering with her work, the few moments she might be doing some, the high, nearly 100% chance of scarring causing more attention, and the low, actually the inverse chance of scarring, of actually doing any damage. Helpful advice, regarding changing these percents around and the neck, are never heeded. So, that is Ivy's first talent, only suffering some very specific effects of time and damage.

The second, is also euphemised as sleeping. She's a bit of a shagmachine. Not in the sense that's she good at it, but just the frequency and regularity of it. Someone with talent and responsibility will be latched onto, and fucked with great regularity, if not skill. Which is suprising. When you make a habit of fucking yourself into power, one would think prowess would be desirable. Not a skill actually helpful once in a position of responsibility, but hey. If it's obvious you got there by shagging, at least be good at it.

This leads to the last talent of Ivy. Ivy is actually not a person, but a vampire. Not the sexy kind of vampire, but the kind that keeps their hand in your pocket, feeling about for spare iron, but mysteriously can forget to pay for her share of any work done by others. This is bad enough in a town citizen, consistently sucking up anything given freely, and giving nothing in return, even gratitude, but in a leader? Is a recipe for madness. You drive away your energetic people, who would have been happy to stay and contribute. You kill the lazy bastards, who don't want to think just earn. You let the dead rot in the fields. All to keep her hands clear of anything that might be work, while earning the wages of leader. Lead, more like. Heavy, poisonous, dull.

These are her talents. Sleeping, shagging, sucking. What has she done with them? Well, little is known, because we couldn't care much to find out. There are tales of her having multiple eternal forever loves, with a mourning period measured in hours. Bam, bam bam, one right after the other. Sometimes on the same bed, with the body still resting on the other side. Truly, she is the soul of decency. There is also a tale, of her losing her shit over her then current boytoy, of her regressing to a child, and demanding everyones attention to watch her waddle about or put things up her nose. Obviously, this is precisely the sort you then elevate to a position of trust and power. Good work San Doria!

She apparently trains Knights. Unless they are also invisible, silent, and never eat, then there's never been one seen. So this is another area she excels in - fabricating stories that don't meet the most basic rule of fiction. Being interesting. Less of a talent, more of a skill acquired over a long uneventful life.

This is all that is known at this time. And with the heavy clouds of dust and silt on her shoulders, it shan't be long before it's too late to find out from the source.


Care methods

First and most importantly, is understanding that dignity and ethics, are the forefront of any cleaning process involving a sleeper. She may be asleep, but she is still largely the same person as she was. This is why newspawns don't get fed, let alone cleaned. Who gives a toss about them? They're expendable, except for the sheer fact they might help spawn another newspawn ..... to ignore and humiliate.

So, a modesty robe is a good start. This will allow the areas being washed to be seen, while preserving their modesty. Especially as most sleepers are left in the middle of public areas, this is an important thing to take care of. A colourful clean robe is good. Especially with contrasting polka dots, a colourful wig to scare off crows and a shiny bobbled nose.

Once properly dressed in their palliative attire, the next step is feeding. Now due to the vagaries of sleepers, they're quite proficient at putting food from their hands into their mouth, but even if the food is right beside them, they will never pick it up. They're also a very good way of getting rid of untasty food. No need to trek all the way to the public dump, there's the sleeper right there. With skill, you may be able to 'give' it to her from far across the town, at high speed. But where's the fun in that? Give those tomatoes to the clumsiest throwers, more effective, if not more efficient.

A further important task, is prevention of bedsores. While tiresome, poking the sleeper with a stick, even but especially a sharp one, can help them roll about from side to side, preventing the unsightly bed sores. Or just lay her face down. Nobody gets bedsores on their face, and flashing off her arse in the robe, is as good a use for her as anything else.

Stimulation! The sleeper may blink once a year, or make squeaking noises, generally about waking up soon. Don't believe these, but feel free to humour them. But they still need some mental stimulation. This can be achieved by allowing new folk to practice with pillow and waster, her participating as much as she can. This, see above, also helps prevent bedsores.

Using this all, one will easily and happily adjust to having as many sleepers as one would wish in your town. Gently sleeping, waiting for the 'load up' of their arms with the fruits of others work, contributing nothing. For some, this is the easiest transition imaginable. Just means even less talking then usual, that's the only difference. They will be clean, fed, easily identifiable by their glaring badly fitted arse baring clothing, and both entertained and entertaining. Which is more then they've ever done before.


*a scribbled attached note*

Stuff all of this. Just load the stupid sack of potatoes in the back of a pickup, tie her down nice and tight, and back it into the beach at low tide. A few waves will get her nice and clean, and keep that dead fish smell about her. - R

[Majix]

Hilarious to read these laws, when the leader has spent her lifetime complaining over other leaders not caring.


Do what you want. I don't care.

1) There's food in the barrel.

2) There's jobs in the workshop.

3) There's a radio transmitter in the workshop you can do stupid shit with if you
want.

4) There's notes in the library to read.

5) There's tools in the chest.

[Rmak]

Rule notes like this are suprisingly effective at quickly revealing troublemakers and making snowflakes find better towns I've found.

[SekoETC]

Rawson Seaside
Discovered 1755 by Dree Rawson of Lake Village
Grassland with grass, stone, potatoes and resin
Wildlife observed: hawks, mountain goats, rhinos, scarabs (awful, vile creatures!),
ostrich, zebras

Gardnerton
Discovered 1756 by Dree Rawson of Lake Village
Grassland with grass, raspberries, stone
Named after Chauncey Gardner of Lake Village who gave me my first job with the Lake
Village Trade Co-Operative.
Wildlife observed: hawks, mountain goats, rhinos, ostrich, zebras, kangaroos

Reynolds
Discovered 1758 by Dree Rawson of Lake Village
Grassland with grass, potatoes, resin, stone
Named after John Reynolds, Sheriff of Lake Village.
Wildlife observed: hawks, rhinos, ostrich, zebras, scarabs (nasty bugs!)

Speigal Pass
Discovered 1759 by Dree Rawson of Lake Village
Mountain pass with stone, magnesium, rubies, zinc, topaz
Named after my beloved Spike Speigal, famed bounty hunter. This peak was the first
that I saw sailing from Miron and led me to land The Durandel at Rawson Seaside.
Wildlife observed: hawks, mountain goats, scarabs (even the smallest one will
attack!)

I found it very heart-warming that someone traveled so far away and named a town after Chauncey Gardner. I told my husband and he was very surprised.