Abstinence

[Pie]

xp

umm... you havn't seen my brother... my friend... this one classmate of mine... my teacher... my mom... my uncle... my other uncle... my nefiew (who's in trouble for stealing chocolates) and... the rest of my family.

xp

[hEarty]

I find this a hard thing to respond to because I wasn't really given a choice in this matter.

I was raped at the age of 14 by my best friend and her 22 year old boyfried.

Did I want to save myself for the one I would eventually marry? At the time, yes.

Since this has happened, and I'm many years older and have many ex-boyfriends and even a divorce under my belt, and even though it was a horrific way to be introduced to sex, I wouldn't change a thing.

I don't believe in casual sex (mainly because I'm too scared of being hurt) and yes, I have had sex in every relationship that I've been in. I find that when you are in love (oh yes, I know there are those of you out there that believe that you will only fall in love once in your life with that special someone) both people in the relationship need more than just words of love (And I envy those of you who do not) and the sharing of something that intimate creates a bond between the two people. *shrugs* That's just how I see it.

I feel that every person will make the decision to have sex no matter what age they are. The only way to prevent this is for parents to keep their childern in a chastity belt until the age of 18 and prevent their kids from watching any tv show, movie or what have you that comes out in this day and age.

I am not saying that it is ok for children to participate in this act. As I stated before, I view sex as something to share between two people who care deeply for each other. I know for a fact that almost every parent dreads the day when their little boy or their little girl starts questioning them about sex and I feel that if you are responsible enough to become pregnant and have the child, it's your responsibility to educate your child and teach them correct views on sex. Kids that are 10 years old and having sex are the product of parents who do not care enough about them to have this talk.

I know when I finally do have kids, the moment they begin to question things like this, they will be sat down and and talked to. I won't let my child be put into a situation like I was and I will feel better knowing that my child knows what is what when it comes to sex.

[west]

I don't believe in casual sex (mainly because I'm too scared of being hurt)

It's dangerous. You start getting casual and pretty soon you're forgetting your safety harness, hard hat, hip waders, and welding mask, to say nothing of your training certificate and punch-card. Nope, sex should really MEAN something. It should require preparation and dedication. It's not something you can just casually dive into.



Sorry for following a thoughtful, intelligent, and heartfelt post with that, hEarty. It's late, I'm tired, and I couldn't resist.

[hEarty]

It's all right West... You said it better than I ever could...

Nope, sex should really MEAN something. It should require preparation and dedication. It's not something you can just casually dive into.

[Spillages]

Pie, I mean this in the best possible way, but I hope you never reproduce.

Amen!

[Dee]

I'm definitely waiting, for relegious reasons and because I really want to save my best for my future husband.

[Pie]

ok. 2 things.

*glarez at spill*

oh and also, I'm feeling really depressed now.

[west]

Aww, lighten up, Pie, you know I love ya.

And Dee, I'm going to play the devil's advocate and say "how do you know it's your best if you've never tried it out before?"



I know, I know, I'm going to Hell.

[hEarty]

I have all the respect in the world for you Dee.

I just look at it this way... If you wait for marriage and your husband didn't, and you don't turn out to be all that he wanted in bed, what's to keep him from going and finding someone else who is what he wants there?

I'm not putting down the whole abstinance thing and I don't want you to think that I am. I am just seeing it from a different view is all.

[HoH]

Maybe I'm naive, but I don't think that sex should be the most important thing in a relationship. And if a guy leaves you over that...that's just not right.

I think the first and most important bond that should be made between two people is intellectual, not physical.

Then again, I'm one of those chubby girls who'd like to think their personality is just as charming as a model's body.

[hEarty]

I never said that sex is the most important part in a relationship. I was only commenting from personal experience.

My last long term relationship left me for an 18 year old slut after 4 years of living together. He even moved her into my apartment because apparantly she would sleep with him more often than I did because I was under the impression that a relationship is more than sex.

You shouldn't think of yourself as one of those other chubby girls. I'm not one of the skinniest people in the world but to me, it's what's on the inside that matters the most. *shrugs*

[Zanthos]

Exactly hoh! I might sound lame but i think the most important thing in a relationship is the spiritual bond.

[kinvoya]

I think if a couple waits until marriage to have sex it's most likely going to be the woman who's disappointed if they aren't compatable in some way. What would you do if it turns out your new husband is impotent or experiences severe premature ejaculation to the point where intercourse is impossible? What if he is content having sex only once every couple of months? What if he refuses to go to counseling or get medical help?

Of course there can be problems with women, too.

Lots of stuff can go wrong. You never know what you're gonna get. I'm not trying to convince anyone to have premarital sex but there are a lot of "what ifs" to consider. I think that until you've been in a few sexual relationships (and heard lots of horror stories from other people) you don't relalize how uncompatable people can turn out to be. Lack of sex between a couple can be a source of frustration, embarrassment and division that can erode even the strongest relationship.

[west]

I never said that sex is the most important part in a relationship.

It's important to be sexually compatible, that's absolutely true. But if you aren't emotionally, mentally and spiritually (if you go in for that stuff) compatible then the best sex in the world won't save your relationship. Trust me on that one. So yeah, go hEarty.

[kinvoya]

True. You really need all of those things. They don't have to be perfectly compatable though, just pretty much and you could probably get by with three out of four in many cases.

Edit: Actually a couple should probably also be socially compatible(as in how much and what kind of socializing they like to do), have similar levels of mental health or lack thereof and be a pretty good match in attractiveness with the wife being a little better looking than the husband. These are just my personal observations about what I perceive to be successful and happy couples.