A few jokes to pass thee time

[AoM]

*shrugs* Whoring is the world's oldest profession. People like to think it's teaching, but I think it's likely that this profession comes more naturally.

[west]

But what does that have to do with brothels?

[kinvoya]

Wait, people like to think that whoring is teaching? Well, I suppose it could be...

Maybe the whores are giving lessons on making broth? And what about the clowns? And the gas station? I'm so confused now.

But I did learn one thing from watching Firefly. Saying whore is fun!

WHOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOORRRRRRRRRRRRRRE!!!!!!

[AngelSpice]

I was, clearly, raised differently from the rest of you people.

--mortaine (whose parents took her to see <i>Best Little Whorehouse in Texas</i> when she was, what, 9 years old?)

Opposite ends of the spectrum:

I'm 33yo and my mother still talks/starts conversations during love scenes in movies to distract us kids from watching it. (the youngest of us is 23) Haven't figured out if it's to distract us from seeing it or if she's just uncomfortable seeing it herself. *shrugs*

[mortaine]

I found my mom's limit today by telling her what Ron Jeremy is best-known for.

[Note: do NOT google Ron Jeremy-- he's an adult film star, and I'm sure the sites that would come up are not work-safe.]

[Yo_Yo]

A southern Liberal decides to throw a gand party called night in te amazon. He flies in imported crocodiles and varios plants from the region. And to prove how liberal he is, he invites his black gardener.

So the Croc's are in the pool swimming and the guests are lounging about, having a good time. Suddenly, the southernliberal thanks everyone for comming to the arty, and announces he will make a bet. If anyone can swim across the pooland back with te Croc's in it, he'll give the mana million dollars or his daughters hand in marrige.

Without missing a beat, everyone hears a splash. They see the black gardener in the spool, swimming across and back as quickly as he can. The gardener reaches the safe side and climbs out.

Now the Southern Liberal's friendsmenton to the liberal that he has to be a man of honor and giv he gardener the option he chooses. So the Liberal clears his throat and asks the Gardener which one he wants.

Th Gardener replies niether. I just want toknow who pushd me in the pool.

[kinvoya]

I apologize, Yo Yo.

[AngelSpice]

I received the following in an email and thought I'd share it:


Bottle of wine

For all of us who are married, were married, wish you were married, or
wish you weren't married, this is something to smile about the next time
you open a
bottle of wine:

Sally was driving home from one of her business trips in Northern Arizona
when she saw an elderly Navajo woman walking on the side of the road. As
the trip
was a long and quiet one, she stopped the car and asked the Navajo woman
if she would like a ride. With a silent nod of thanks, the woman got into
the car.
Resuming the journey, Sally tried in vain to make a bit of small talk with
the Navajo woman. The old woman just sat silently, looking intently at
everything she saw, studying every little detail, until she noticed a
brown bag on the
seat next to Sally.

"What's in the bag?" asked the old woman.

Sally looked down at the brown bag and said, "It's a bottle of wine. I got it
for my husband."

The Navajo woman was silent for another moment or two.

Then speaking with the quiet wisdom of an elder, she said, "Good trade."

[oddedd]

Yo Yo, that's a stupid non-joke and you are an asshat.

A what now?

[kinvoya]

...

[SekoETC]

Eww, that looks gross! lol Anyway I could tell a worse racistic joke.

[kroner]

this word has suddenly become extremely popular. and rightfully so. it's both catchy and brilliant.

[wichita]

How many John Fox fans do we have on the forum?....

A magician is performing his act in a night club one night. He calls a man from the audience and hands him a sledgehammer. "Alright, " he tells the man, "I want you to hit me right between the eyes with the hammer as hard as you can."

"Right between the eyes?" The man looks unsure.

"Right between the eyes."

"As hard as I can?" The man looks incredulous.

"Yes, as hard as you can. Right between the eyes."

"Ok, then." The man rears back and - THWACK - right between the eyes with all his might.

......

Five years later the magician awakes from his coma, sits up in bed and says, "Ta Daaa!!!"

[oddedd]

A new priest at his first mass was so nervous he could hardly speak. After mass he asked the monsignor how he had done. The monsignor replied, "When I am worried about getting nervous on the pulpit, I put a glass of vodka next to the water glass. If I start to get nervous, I take a sip."

So next Sunday he took the monsignor's advice. At the beginning of the sermon, he got nervous and took a drink. He proceeded to talk up a storm.

Upon his return to his office after mass, he found the following note on the door:

1. Sip the Vodka, don't gulp.

2. There are 10 commandments, not 12.

3. There are 12 disciples, not 10.

4. Jesus was consecrated, not constipated.

5. Jacob wagered his donkey, he did not bet his ass.

6. We do not refer to Jesus Christ as the late J. C.

7. The Father, Son, and Holy Ghost are not referred to as Daddy,
Junior and the Spook.

8. David slew Goliath, he did not kick the shit out of him.

9. When David was hit by a rock and was knocked off his donkey, don't
say he was stoned off his ass.

10. We do not refer to the cross as the "Big T."

11. When Jesus broke the bread at the Last Supper he said, "Take
this and eat it for it is my body." He did not say "Eat me"

12. The Virgin Mary is not called "Mary with the Cherry,"

13. The recommended grace before a meal is not: Rub-A-Dub-Dub thanks
for the grub, yeah God.

14. Next Sunday there will be a taffy pulling contest at St.
Peter's, not a peter pulling contest at St. Taffy's

[Crosshair]

Now i like the 12th one...