Rather than go into exhaustive details for my fictional society, I've instead written a fictional newsletter by a fictional character that should get the important points across.
Incidentally, I should point out that I agree with what someone (I forget who and am too lazy to check) mentioned in the other thread; that regular newspapers or written materials in general are important. It keeps people inside up to date, and their reading gives them something to discuss.
The Safe Haven Spinner - Issue #27
Hello citizens, your old friend Pup Ett here with the biannual report. It's been an eventful ten days here in our beloved Safe Haven, and I'm happy to say that despite some temporary setbacks with the harvesting detail, overall production is up 4% since the last issue.
Production - Highs and Lows
Special commendations should go out to Smelting Crew 2, as under Slai V. Driver's supervision they managed to not only achieve the highest production rate of any crew this period, but also break Smelting Crew 1's four year winning streak. Mr. Driver will be upgraded to a copper bracelet, and the members of his crew will all receive free copies of 'Patriotic Poetry', the newest note written by Chief Recreational Officer Brian Washer.
On the other end of the spectrum, Tailoring Crew 1's production has been at an all-time low due to two of its members being struck by the sleeping sickness. Luckily, the illness wasn't severe enough to require hospitalization, though Tailoring Crew 1 will be skipping their recreation shifts until Safe Haven's supply of leather gloves has been raised to an acceptable level. The Chief Medical Officer has asked me to remind all citizens that even one worker with sleeping sickness is disruptive to everyone, not just the crew they're in, and that a regular schedule and lively conversation combined with minimal exposure to sunlight is the best way to avoid the ravages of the disease.
Deaths - Harvesting Disaster
It is our sad duty to report that in a shocking turn of events, yet another bandit attack has resulted in the brutal killings of two citizens on potato duty with Harvesting Team 4. Luckily, three of our best guards, Woundwort, Campion, and Groundsel, managed to kill most of the attackers and drive the rest away. For their heroic actions all three will be awarded silver rings, and Woundwort will be promoted to the rank of General. The Adminstrator of Trading and Foreign Affairs has also donated a year's supply of carrots.
While we are all devastated by the loss of citizens Mutin Ear and Reble Skum, the Chief Agricultural Officer would like us to mention that there are now five available harvesting openings for loyal Havenites to fill. These frequent bandit and wild animal attacks take a toll on us all, but serve as a grim reminder of the risks these brave men and women face outside every day in order to provide us all with food.
The three remaining members of Harvesting Team 4, understandably shaken by the attacks, have been pulled off active duty and placed in seperate quarantine rooms in the hospital until deemed mentally fit to rejoin the general population.
New Arrivals
Please join me in welcoming our newest guest, Poir Sap. Poir chose not to leave before the three day unemployent period ended, and has now been enrolled in our citizen training program. Admittedly, he had a bit of a rough start, but after a couple of days spent in the hospital's Therapy Room he's adjusting nicely.
Health - On Alert
While there have been no reports of sleeping sickness except for the mild cases suffered by Tailoring Crew 1, recently there have been two reports of a far more disturbing disease. We had two newpawns this period. As mentioned above, the first is now training to become a full citizen, but the second unfortunately displayed all the classic signs of the raving sickness and had to be driven away by the guards. The Chief Medical Officer has determined that this was due to a complication in the spawning process triggered by spinage fumes, and has asked us to remind all citizens that gloves and facewraps must be worn when going Outside for any reason. This is not a request; as you all know, protective gear is mandatory. Improperly attired harvesters or even guards will only be warned once. Failure to comply will result in a week spent in the hospital's observational room for your own safety.
Yet another carrier of the raving sickness had to be quarantined soon after, though in this case it was a traveller whose madness was believed to have been caused by overexposer to a hazordous combination of sunlight and road dust. Harvesting Team 2 will please disregard all statements the sick man made in their presence, and please refrain from repeating the rantings to your fellow citizens in your Communal Quarters.
Though the two cases appear unrelated, for your peace of mind the Council has ordered a tightening of security across the board. Until they're sure the risk of an outbreak has passed the number of guards protecting all harvesting crews has been doubled.
On a related note, the Chief Medical Officer would like you to be on the lookout for excessive whispering among your crew or in your Quarters. Whispering is sometimes a symptom of one of the deadlier varieties the disease, and it's important that a guard is made aware of it as soon as possible. Furthermore, if any of your friends or acquaintances begin telling you things that seem alarming or dangerous, report it immediately so that they can be taken away for treatment before the sickness spreads.
In Conclusion
And that's all the notable news there is to report for this period, loyal citizens of Safe Haven. Until next issue, this is Recreational Officer Pup Ett, signing off.
Yes, I
was really bored this morning, why do you ask?
I liked it. It was very clever.
