Cantr II Discussion Forum

There is one truth to life and that is the fact we are all going to die. Nothing else in life is really that true. The fact that death is so unavoidable shouldnt make people upset, rather, it should make them enjoy the life they have more.
You can see death in a movie, on the news, or read about it, but untill it happens to someone around you that you know and care about does it afftect you. What words do you offer someone that just lost someone they cared about? Walking over and saying that you are sorry for their loss is pretty popular, but really does nothing to help. Words just get in the way and some people may know what I am talking about. It is better to reflect in silence then make things worse with words that are not going to do anything.
People also like to say that "time heals". I think that is a lie as well. Time may find a way to make it better, give you a way to deal with it, but it cant heal it. The only way for something like that to be healed is to bring the one you lost back to life. Time isnt going to do that, nothing is. After tiime, you can believe that things are okay, untill you run across an old picture, or maybe a memory returns and then all that time will mean nothing since, even if its for a moment, you will be back in that place you were the days after losing the one you lost.


Okay, everyone that reads this, I know that it is kinda depressing, but please offer your views on this. Thanks.

I have a couple of comments.

First, you could say, "I'm sure you're feeling a great loss, if you ever need to talk give me a call."

As far as seeing the person again...well I'm of the Christian faith and my belief is that it is possible to see people again. But to be with them and God forever there are rules that were established by God.

When I lost my sister, everyone was like I'm sorry, I'm like your sister, you haven't lost your sister because she's alive inside you and bla bla bla...

My neighbour said, I know I'll never replace your sister, but I'll always be here for you if you ever need anything. That was the kindest thing I ever heard, in my opinion. It's the kindest because she said she'll never replace her, no one could replace her.

Time does not heal, true, but you get used to it by time... It becomes easier to deal with it by time.. But you'll never forget that person who passed away.

Being sorry does not bring them back. Nothing does. But being sincere in what you're saying does make that person feel better.

You know... my Grandpa died last year.. and.. well.. i never really knew anything about him.. But you know somthing that i should have knoun? That he got the medal of honar for getting alot of people out of a POW camp.

And then after he died i thought.. if only i had spent more time with him.

Time does heal.. but how much it heals is corasponding to the Person who had the los.

When my great grandmother died, I remember not having felt sad when I heard. I knew it had been coming. I went to visit my friend about an hour later, just as I'd planned the day before.

Just as when a number of my friends and aquiantances died over the years. We all knew it was going to happen sooner or later, and most likely sooner. When you have such a lifestyle, everyone, including yourself, knows that you are likely to die.

So I've really never had the experience of someone dieing unexpectedly on me. Sure, you never expect that it's going to happen when it does, but you know vaguely what's going to happen. No one's surprised.

So I wouldn't know, I suppose.

I hate Condolences. It's one of the most selfish acts in this world. When I thought about hit logically, I found, that the best way that one's grief of losing a beloved can be healed, is by forgetting. That's what time does... gradually, all the mental representations of that person in your mind fade away... and that's why one feels less sad.

People offerring their condolences, just to show that they care, just to increasing their status in that person's mind. It doesn't help, but elongates the process of forgetting. A really sincere friend would try his best to provide distractions for the person in grief.. which is hard, as people feel guilty if they smile after the death of a beloved.

I may be wrong.

ShaneMeikle wrote:.... Walking over and saying that you are sorry for their loss is pretty popular, but really does nothing to help. Words just get in the way and some people may know what I am talking about. It is better to reflect in silence then make things worse with words that are not going to do anything.....
.....people also like to say that "time heals". I think that is a lie as well. Time may find a way to make it better, give you a way to deal with it, but it cant heal it. The only way for something like that to be healed is to bring the one you lost back to life. Time isnt going to do that, nothing is.....

Xeemaar wrote:I hate Condolences. It's one of the most selfish acts in this world. When I thought about hit logically, I found, that the best way that one's grief of losing a beloved can be healed, is by forgetting.....

People offerring their condolences, just to show that they care, just to increasing their status in that person's mind. It doesn't help, but elongates the process of forgetting. A really sincere friend would try his best to provide distractions for the person in grief.. which is hard, as people feel guilty if they smile after the death of a beloved.

I may be wrong.

I have lost several people close to me...unexpectedly...and when someone told me they were sorry for my loss..it did not make me feel worse and it did not ..increase their status in my mind..it let me know that I have people who care about me. Sharing your greif is a much healthier way of dealing with the pain...than supressing it..


Time does heal...but the scar will always remain...healing does not mean that the loved one returns..it means you have dealt with your greif...When my mother died...the pain was almost to great...but through the comfort of my friends and family, by crying, talking, sharing and sometimes even laughing, the pain eased and the open wound in my heart began to heal. I will never forget..NEVER...within a 4 month span that year I lost 3 people...it was hard to handle..

As for what to say? The ...I'm sorry for your loss...well, it is rather generic and easy to say, but just letting someone know that you are there, should they need you, or if they need anything..you are willing to help..but these must be things said with sincerity..or they are just empty and worthless words.

Ahh, death. On the subject of my own death, I've spent many nights awake, trying to rationalize that I will, one day, die. I will not exist on this Earth any more. I like the ideas of religion, that we go onto live another life, and I tell myself that I believe this, but at the same time I feel like, deep down, all I'm doing is trying to comfort myself. There's no reason, no proof that I will exist after I die. It's tough to put in words, but it almost feels cruel, to be put on this world, grow to enjoy it, only to be taken away, never to exist anymore. That's the main reason I can't fall asleep some nights, it feels like death to me.

Regarding other people's death, I myself have never been unlucky enough to lose somebody close to me (I guess if I'm fifteen it's unlikely that somebody close would have died). I can't speak from experience, but I think the best thing to do would be to try to forget about the dead person. A person in my class lost someone, I offered my help and said I was sorry, and never spoke of it again. I think that if the dead person was alive they wouldn't want their loved ones mourning their loss rather than enjoying life, and eventually, when one of my parents die, I'm going to try to keep this in mind as much as possible.

It just doesn't feel to me like my spirit will cease to exist when my body dies. I can clearly tell that my spirit is something separate from my flesh. I'll never be able to join an organized religion because I will never believe the things they believe. I think it is all made up stuff. I also think religion has some profound, meaningul and mysterious effects on some people but not for me.

Some religious people like to say they are humans having a spiritual experience at times. I really like the concept that we are spirits having a human experience.

I kind of think of my life as a ride in an amusement park, maybe on a wild rollercoaster. Kind of fun and exciting but also kinda scary and possibly dangerous. It happens and then it ends. Some people love it, some people hate it. Some people would rather ride the ferris wheel. Some people want to bungee jump off the Eiffel Tower. Anyway, my point is, these are just metaphores for the kinds of experiences our spirits might have which we call human life. Maybe we have some choice about the ride we take, maybe we don't.

My point is that I feel that this life is just a small experience my spirit is having in a vast, timeless existance. When I die I definitely don't feel like it will be the end of anything but one short physical experience.

In my relegion, we believe in those things, with no proof. You don't have to have a proof in everything in life.

I'll try to clarify my point as much as possible. Like for example, I think we all read that email about that teacher asking if God existed, he was arguing with his students that they couldn't see God, therefore he doesn't exist. A student stood up and said, sir, you don't have a brain, because we can't see it. Anyway, got my point?

I believe in Heaven and Hell. And believe it or not, in my relegion, we believe that Earth is nothing but a stage that we go through just to know who's worthy of going to heaven, and who deserves to go to hell. Earth is nothing like heaven... The beauty of heaven, and the pleasure you will find there, is something beyond your imagination.

You still need a proof? Okay. Our Prophet, Muhammed (SAW) went up to God one day, and he saw heaven and hell with his own eyes. That's written in our holly book, Qur'an. When he came down, he told people all about it... He told people how he saw the angels building a great castle, and when he asked them whom was it for, they said it's for someone who always remembers God and always prays and does good things.

You may or may not believe that, the choice is yours. I just wanted to speak my mind and tell you what I believe in. And that's why I'm not afraid to die... Because I will live again, a better life.

I'm Just not sure what to believe. I used to believe in Christianity, but my father gave me an argument that just undermined all religions for me... If God created the Universe, who created God? God did not have a mother, no matter what Eddie Izzard says. The ideas of Heaven and Hell are perhaps comforting, but if I was to believe in anythnig, it would be that we are reincarnated when we die. I find that so much more comforting.

No one created God... We don't know where God came from, and don't think about it too much because it will drive you crazy. It is something beyond what your little mind can handle, that's why God chose to tell us his story, in the afterlife.

Hey... Just cause i told you how old i am!

yes, but to me science makes so much more sense and leaves little unexplained. there are less contradictions, everything fits. Logic in a Logical world. As douglas Adams said "religion is based of faith, and with proof, there is automaticly a lack of faith, QED you dont exist"
"ah" said God "i hadn't thought of that" and promptly dissapears in a puff of logic.

I often wonder... what about other creatures? For all we know, humans are the only species to even consider an afterlife. But that's because we're the most curious things on the planet. We HAVE to have an explination for everything, which is where science, mythology, and religion come in to play. They provide something to soothe our aching minds, no matter if it's wrong or right.

I don't really think it matters what you want to believe. Close your eyes, pick a reason for existance, and enjoy.

My father would say that all other animals have no self conciousness so they are not aware when they need to be worrying about life insurance. Yes, essentially Religion and science are comfort stories, but it doesn't mean they arent true, i guess we will never know.

*cue earie music*