Cantr II Discussion Forum

So are we allowed to talk about it here? Personal matters, that is?

If so, then maybe would be able to help me with this one... It may mean nothing to you, but it's a lot to me...

Okay here's the thing, I have a boyfriend, and I really love him, and I'm expecting him to propose soon.. Hopefully!! The problem is, I know I'm a fun person, everyone tells me so, I talk almost about everything and anything, but when it comes to him, I seem to forget everything that I can talk about... In other words, I don't talk with him a lot, because I'm shy, and because I don't know what to talk about..

This is very stupid, I know, but I have a feeling that if I stayed like this, he'll dump me.. I know he loves me, but you just can't stay with a girl who talks very little!!

So, any ideas what guys really like to talk about? Other than sports, please!! LOL!! Any ideas?

Thanks for reading this, even if you're not replying

Dee wrote:So, any ideas what guys really like to talk about? Other than sports, please!! LOL!! Any ideas?

I got told off last time I went down that route

Seriously though, I'd just be honest with him. I had a similar thing with my partner, we were spending so much time together, that our conversations bordered on the extremely boring and/or utterly pointless,

You've just got to be honest, say that you get a little tongue tied, or shy about bringing subjects up, that you're not sure what you have in common to just chat about - chances are, there isn't that much... I always find the best relationships I've been in is when I can just go on and on about something, and the other person just listens, even if it may not be that interesting to them (and, of course, I listen in return to things I have no interest in...)

I'm just guessing here, but it sounds like part of your problem is because talking to him matters.

When you're with friends you've know for ages, and there's no stress with them, then you can relax and talk about nothing very much with them. When you're with strangers, then they don't matter, so you can talk about trivial stuff with them, too. But because it matters with him, you have to have a topic that seems, I don't know, worthy of dicsussion, so most topics get discarded.

So my suggestion is to realise that every topic is worth discussing. Even if the words don't mean anything much, there's a more subtle conversation going on underneath in terms of your reactions to each other (when he smiles, when you agree with him, etc) which is one of the things that cement a relationship.

You might also want to consider that he may well be interested in hearing what you have to say on pretty much anything, just because he's interested in you and your life, thoughts and opinions.

Of course, maybe I'm wrong. It's difficult to get a full idea of what's going on from a handful of sentences.

Talking can be over rated in relationships. Sometimes I think the best times spent with my girlfriend are when we are just sitting on the couch watching TV and saying nothing at all because we don't have to. The pleasure doesn't come from the conversation, it comes from the togetherness. If togetherness isn't enough, then I feel the marriage is headed to be rocky already - as long as you're talking about a proposal.

When something does come up to talk about, just make sure that you are comfortable with the conversation. Quality over quantity I guess. And if he is like a lot of my friends, he'll be incredibly happy not to have an annoyingly chatty girlfriend. Just kidding.

Just be yourself around him, even if you are a different person with him than with everyone else. If you think he loves you, then whatever you have been doing when with him has brought those emotions out in him, right? Maybe you're just experiencing normal anxiety as the relationship progresses?

Yeah I maybe am... I'm afraid of losing him.. Afraid he'd dump me just the way I did with my exboyfriend...

Thank you all for the advice

*Togetherness* yes! That's the word I was looking for!

And you're right. When I said the actual words don't matter, I should have extended it to say it doesn't matter even if there aren't any words.

Dee wrote:So, any ideas what guys really like to talk about? Other than sport, please!!

This question deserves some sort of prize.

a cookie?

Hmmm, nah. It's more dificult than that.

Okay, name what you want

You won't win anyways hehe

Dee wrote: I know he loves me, but you just can't stay with a girl who talks very little!!

Oh yes you can, and very happily.

(my gf is great but sometimes... )

west wrote:(my gf is great but sometimes... )

Exactly!! She's great, but...

I don't want this but to exist..

...but sometimes she talks a lot

is what i was going to say.

In any case, if your boy knows you well enough, and you say he wants to propose to you, it's likely he loves you just the way you are. If you suddenly started talking his ear, do you think he'd like it?

*shakes her head* No, I don't suppose he'd still like me...

Dee, I'm sure he'll love you whether you decide to be talkative or not.

So, here's the question:
Do you clam up because you're nervous, or because you're comfortable? If it's because you're nervous, figure out why and see what you can do to deal with it. If it's because you're comfortable, then be comfortable and enjoy that.

Do you talk more with other people because you haven't seen them in a while and have a lot to catch up on? Vs. your boyfriend, who you see daily and don't have anything new to say? Then cultivate hobbies and interests that are separate from each other. At least once or twice a week, I have an evening or two out and away from my husband, so I have something to share with him when I get home.

You asked what do men like to talk about. As with women, it depends on the man and what he's interested in. There are subjects that most men, in my experience, don't want to talk about. Those are (in descending order of how much they don't want to discuss them): menstruation, your past boyfriends/lovers (unless female), and feelings.

Since you said you are afraid he'll break up with you like your last boyfriend, it sounds like you're not quite at the "comfortable in our silence" stage of your relationship. That's okay. It'll come. And in the meantime, enjoy that thrill of feeling shy with him, as long as your shyness isn't tainted by actual fear.