Any point to keep going?

[Appleide]

If its crap, I need to start again, I am doing this for home work. So please be honest. Is it "engaging"? or not? my last story wasn't so I had to start again... So please read, well don't if it becomes tiring and tell me.

But pplease don't copy the story, well, its not finished anyways.

Trees can speak
Trees are strange things, but this tree was the strangest of all. Every tree around this strange plant has no leaves. Most of them had fallen down. But this one had leaves and they were green. A Tree with green leaves isn’t a tree at all, is it? Trees with leaves are rare, and that those with yellow leaves are long gone. Any tree that has any leaves has got to have brown, and crusty leaves. But this tree has green leaves. Maybe it isn’t a tree, but maybe says a lot of things.

Being in a forest isn’t as comfortable as what the ancient people says it is, the air is same as everywhere else, the smell is same as every where else, there are no special sounds or sights, well, except this weird “plant”.

It is three o’clock. Taun has to go indoors quickly, else he’d be trapped by the “airless wind” as his parents call it. A wind comes which brings unbreathable air, kills everything within its reach. The wind never stops. It seems to be the worst nature has to offer. But Taun hasn’t satisfied his curiosity in this forest, not yet. He had read in an ancient book somewhere that there was a building, deeper into the forest. Little did he know he was standing on top of it.

Taun walked a few more steps. His foot hit a small rock. But the rock didn’t move, and his foot hurt. He examined the rock carefully. It seems to be a knob of some kind. Taun put his hand on it and turned.

Whirling noises suddenly appeared. It wasn’t from the knob, It was The Wind. Taun quickly pulled the knob, hoping for a shelter as his heart pumped, faster than ever. The knob moved out. It was a door, but a rather small one. Taun, worrying more about the wind than the fall into the hole, hopped in and closed the door. Pitched black it was.

As he fell, he accidentally hit the wall. He heard something ‘flicked’ light blasted into his eyes and everywhere else. The whole ceiling were rows upon rows of light. But Taun wasn’t worrying about that, but the fact that he can’t see the bottom of this place. After another second or so, he spotted a metal platform with some metal handlebars. It was his chance. He grabbed the bars. But he swung onto the bottom of the platform and hit his nose. It was painful. He climbed back up and onto the platform. It was made out of a dull metal of some sort. He touched his hurting nose with his hands. It felt slimy. It was his blood. But first, he needed to get out of here. The platform went along the walls, went as far as he could see. It wasn’t too wide though, so if he slipped under the handles, he would fall, again. Taun looked to the other side, opposite to the wall. But he couldn’t see anything. Just another blank grey coloured wall. Taun, still shocked at everything that happened, decided to walk along the platform. Every step made a clunking metal sound. His feet seemed heavy. He was tired, but he walked on. The air seemed eerie, as if it hasn’t moved for the past millennium, and it probably didn’t. After what seemed like wight hours of half sleep walking. He fell over. He stumbled onto a mysterious block, covered in dust. It was heavy enough. Taun wiped the block with his hands. And saw some words on it. ‘Map of the world beneath and all its mysteries’ it read. Taun realised it was a book. As he opened the book, a voice spoke into his mind. Taun didn’t exactly hear a voice, but rather, he just ‘knew’ what the voice wanted to say. The voice didn’t want him to keep reading. Taun didn’t stop. Suddenly, he was punished by a sharp pain in his mind. But he had already finished reading what he needed to know. At the end of the platform there was a switch. It was the switch to turn off the wind, to grow leaves on trees and make them green, and last of all get Taun out of here. The platform was quite short, only another hour of walking away. Taun wanted to take the book with him, but it was stuck on the ground, as if it was part of the platform. But since the he was so close to going back to the surface, he left it there.

He didn’t need to walk for long for something to happen. Another voice spoke into his mind. Just like before, he wasn’t exactly hearing it, he just knew what it wanted to say. And the voice wanted him to go back. It told him to keep reading the book. The voice was so slow that it seemed like a thousand year old man talking slowly. “But who is the other voice?” Taun complained in his mind, “the other voice told me to stop reading!”
“The other voice is the opposite of me.” The voice told him. And of course, Taun didn’t know what to do. He sat down, and leaned against the wall. The wall formed a doorway, and Taun fell onto his back. It was another platform. Another place, the same as the one he is in right now, except that it was the end of the other plat form. “If you are really determined to listen to the other voice and press the switch, go ahead!” The voice told him, “If you wish to risk everything to flick the switch go ahead, I am not going to stop you, but once you go through the doorway would close up and you wouldn’t be able to turn back.”

[formerly known as hf]

It starts well, but then there's that huge section in the middle and near the end. Those bits really need some paragraphs, to be honest, my eyes kind of skimmed over the large chunk of writing. Maybe a new paragraph for each action, or each string of events, that would make that bit a lot more accessible.

*also resisting the temptation to correct some of the grammar*

[Psycho Pixie]

I liked the first bit tremendously... about the dead trees and this one live tree.... the bad wind and the dead trees gave a good impression of a destroyed earth from too much deforestation and pollution.

create a bit more lead up to the building maybe, and definatly fix the grammar. Missing all sorts of commas and lots of incomplete sentances. I notice that because I am horrid about grammar. Explain the inside of the building a bit more clearly, and what is happening exactly. I got confused right away about the door. The door was in the ground so he fell in right? but there is no bottom? I am not sure from the description.

you gave us a great lead into the story by talking about the tree, I assumed the tree was the main thing in the story. But then you jumped us into a building, which starts us all over again on what the story is about.

good start. dont start over, just rewind and modify as needed.

Psycho Pixie