Cantr II Discussion Forum

A lesson in Posting:

How many group posters does it take to change a light bulb?

1 to change the light bulb and to post that the light bulb has
been changed

14 to share similar experiences of changing light bulbs and
how the light bulb could have been changed differently

7 to caution about the dangers of changing light bulbs

27 to point out spelling/grammar errors in posts about
changing light bulbs

53 to flame the spell checkers

41 to correct spelling/grammar flames

6 to argue over whether it's "lightbulb" or "light bulb" ...

another 6 to condemn those 6 as anal-retentive

2 industry professionals to inform the group that the proper
term is "lamp"

15 know-it-alls who claim *they* were in the industry, and
that "light bulb" is perfectly correct

156 to email the participant's ISPs complaining that they are
in violation of their "acceptable use policy"

109 to post that this group is not about light bulbs and to
please take this discussion to a lightbulb group

203 to demand that cross posting to hardware forum, off-topic
forum, and lightbulb group about changing light bulbs be
stopped

111 to defend the posting to this group saying that we all use
light bulbs and therefore the posts *are* relevant to this group

306 to debate which method of changing light bulbs is
superior, where to buy the best light bulbs, what brand of
light bulbs work best for this technique and what brands are
faulty

27 to post URL's where one can see examples of different light
bulbs

14 to post that the URL's were posted incorrectly and then
post the corrected URL's

3 to post about links they found from the URL's that are
relevant to this group which makes light bulbs relevant to
this group

33 to link all posts to date, quote them in their entirety
including all headers and signatures, and add "Me too"

12 to post to the group that they will no longer post because
they cannot handle the light bulb controversy

19 to quote the "Me too's" to say "Me three"

4 to suggest that posters request the light bulb FAQ

44 to ask what is a "FAQ"

4 to say "didn't we go through this already a short time ago?"

143 to say "do a Google search on light bulbs before posting
questions about light bulbs"

1 forum lurker to respond to the original post 6 months from
now and start it all over again....

All too familiar...
Luckily i don't visit those forums anymore... And they even asked me as a mod.

By the way, your grammar is faulty and you forgot interpunction alltogether.

UR a lamer and a $&##^& now f**k off from this forum or I'll PM a mod, u lame #%*$%*.

Go post this b*llshit somewqhere else you anal retentive!

More light bulb jokes:

Musicians

How many musicians does it take to change a light bulb?
Five. One to change the light bulb and four to stand around and say, "Man, if I'd had his studio time, I could have done that."

How many sopranos does it take to change a light bulb?
Three. One to climb up the ladder, one to kick the ladder out from under her and a third to say, "I knew that was too high for you dear."

How many altos does it take to change a light bulb?
None. They can't get that high.

How many country & western singers does it take to change a light bulb?
Four. One to change it, one to sing about how heartbroken he is at the loss of the old one, one to sing about how madly in love she is with the new one, and one to go "Yeeeee-Hah !" and throw his hat in the air.

How many punk-rock musicians does it take to change a light bulb?
Two. One to screw in the bulb and the other to smash the old one on his forehead.

How many drummers does it take to change a light bulb?
Five; one to do it and four to beat back all the guitarists who are trying to elbow their way into the spotlight.

How many flutists does it take to change a light bulb?
Just one, but he'll spend $5,000 on a Sterling silver bulb.

How many trumpet players does it take to change a light bulb?
Just one, but he'll do it too loudly.

How many clarinetists does it take to change a light bulb?
Only one, but he'll go through a whole box of bulbs before he finds just the right one.

How many lead singers does it take to change a light bulb?
Just one, but she just stands there holding up the bulb and expects the whole world to revolve around her.

Artists

How many artists does it take to change a light bulb?
Ten. One to change it, and nine to reassure him about how good it looks.

How many modern artists does it take to change a light bulb?
Four. One to throw bulbs against the wall, one to pile hundreds of them in a heap and spray-paint it orange, one to glue light bulbs to a cocker spaniel, and one to put a bulb in the socket and fill the room with light while all the critics and buyers are watching the fellow smashing the bulbs against the wall, the fellow with the spray-gun, and the cocker spaniel.

How many surrealists does it take to change a light bulb?
Two. One to hold the giraffe and the other to fill the bathtub with brightly colored machine tools.
Two. One to change it and one to throw a bucket of water out the window.

How many visitors to an art gallery does it take to change a light bulb?
Two. One to do it and one to say "Huh! My four-year old could've done that!"

Philosophers

How many philosophers does it take to change a light bulb?
"Hmmm... well there's an interesting question isn't it?"
"Define 'light bulb'..."
"How can you be sure it needs changing?"
Three. One to change it and two to stand around arguing over whether or not the light bulb exists.

How many Hegelians does it take to change a light bulb?
Two, of course. One stands at one end of the room and argues that it isn't dark; the other stands at the other end and says that true light is impossible. This dialectic creates a synthesis which does the job.

How many Zen masters does it take to change a light bulb?
Two. One to change it, and one not to change it.

How many existentialists does it take to change a light bulb?
Two. One to change the lightbulb and one to observe how the lightbulb symbolizes an incandescent beacon of subjectivity in a netherworld of Cosmic Nothingness.

How many Kuhnian constructionist philosophers of science does it take to change a light bulb?
You're still thinking in terms of 'incremental change'--what we really need is paradigm shift...we don't need a bulb with more attributes added on, we need ubiquitous luminescence.

Other jobs

How many schoolteachers does it take to change a light bulb?
None. Anything not completed during the lesson is added to the homework.

How many students does it take to change a light bulb?
None. Light bulb changing isn't in the course notes.
"Is it worth any bonus marks?"

How many linguists does it take to change a light bulb?
One, but he must consult the Oxford English Dictionary.

How many archaeologists does it take to change a light bulb?
Three. One to change it while the other two argue about how old the old one is.

How many architects does it take to change a light bulb?
Just one, but he has to coordinate ten other professionals who are doing this quiet complicated task.

How many carpenters does it take to change a light bulb?
"Sod you! That's the electrician's job."

How many cashiers does it take to change a light bulb?
"Are you kidding? They won't even change a five dollar bill."

How many civil servants does it take to change a light bulb?
Twelve. One to change the bulb, and eleven to do the paperwork.

How many film directors does it take to change a light bulb?
Just one, but he wants to do it thirty-two times and when he's done, everyone says that his last light bulb was much better.

How many fishermen does it take to change a light bulb?
One, but you should have seen the bulb, it must have been THIS big.

How many social scientists does it take to change a light bulb?
None. Social scientists do not change light bulbs; they search for the root cause as to why the last one went out.

How many cops does it take to change light bulb?
Just one, but he is never around when you need him.
Only one, but he has to see an officer do it first.
Three, one to do it, one to direct traffic and one to say "Show's over, nothing left to see here, folks, move along."

How many LA cops does it take to change light bulb?
Six. One to do it and five to smash the old bulb to splinters.

How many journalists does it take to change a light bulb?
Three. One to report it as an inspired government program to bring light to the people, one to report it as a diabolical government plot to deprive the poor of darkness, and one to win a Pulitzer prize for reporting that Electric Company hired a light bulb assassin to break the bulb in the first place.

How many computer journalists does it take to screw in a light bulb?
Five. One to write a review of all the existing light bulbs so you can decide which one to buy, another one to write a remarkably similar one in another magazine the next month, a third to have a big one come out on glossy paper two months later that is by then completely out of date, a fourth to hint in her column that a completely new and updated bulb is coming out, and the fifth to report a rumor that that new bulb is shipping with a virus.

How many editors does it take to change a light bulb?
Only one, but first he has to rewire the entire building.

How many waiters does it take to change a light bulb?
None, a burned out bulb can't catch a waiter's eye.

How many waitresses does it take to change a light bulb?
Three. Two to stand around bitching about it and one to go get the manager.

How many cafeteria staff does it take to change a light bulb?
"Sorry, we closed 18 seconds ago, and I've just cashed up."

How many McDonald's counter girls does it take to change a light bulb?
Two. One to change it and one to put some chips with it.

How many advertisers does it take to change a light bulb?
None, because, look! It's getting brighter! It's definitely getting brighter !!!

-----------------
Yes, I'm bored

I hate light bulb jokes... No kidding.

Yeah...lamp jokes are lame. Unless they include excessive violence, let me demonstrate.

How many citizens of Kwor does it take to change a lightbulb?

Well, lightbulbs aren't implemented yet, but one time I slaughtered five people on a whim. I smashed their skulls against their own stone tables and left their projects covered in blood before I went about feasting on the flesh of infants.

Heh, I'm the one eating baby's here.

And it'd be more like: 1, if there were people left alive...

Or....

One, but he was killed for working on a forbidden project.

or...

one, but there's no light in the city hall.

(Still lame tho).

I liked them. Then again, I'm a lamer.

Go play with a sledgehammer. lamer

Oh, and i hate the word "lamer" too. Just so you know it.

Yes and you people ask me why I think your crazy.

[quote="Junesun"][b]More light bulb jokes:

Hey this one is should have been under my "Jokes" thread, It's no relevent to this thread.

Just kidding I was going to quote the entire post too, but I changed my mind

The Hunter wrote:Go play with a sledgehammer. lamer

Oh, and i hate the word "lamer" too. Just so you know it.

lamerlamerlamerlamer.

lizzamer

amer of l

la-haymer.



sledgelamer

Love ya Hunter.

............ Right I never knew we would have such a lamer on this board. I mean he is like the [/i]lamezzzr of it all. What a [i]lamer stop being so lame. You big lamer. God that is quite enough doing with lamers

How many Shos does it take to change a light bulb?

new.vogue.nightmare wrote:

The Hunter wrote:Go play with a sledgehammer. lamer

Oh, and i hate the word "lamer" too. Just so you know it.

lamerlamerlamerlamer.

lizzamer

amer of l

la-haymer.



sledgelamer

Love ya Hunter.

lamer lamer bofanger manana molamer me mi mo lamer... LAMER


on the "la Lamer" note... tha lamer? the lamest? the lamerest? can a person be "lamed" by someone else? i think i have been infected with the "lamer" virus


Psycho Pixie