Jokes---Don't kill the messenger

[Lone Wolf]

I just thought we could post jokes and have a lighter post for a change. I've got one for you


On the sixth day God turned to the Archangel Gabriel and said "Today I am going to create a land called Canada, it will be a land of outstanding natural beauty. It shall have tall majestic mountains full of mountain goats and eagles, beautiful sparkling lakes bountiful with bass and trout, forests full of elk adn moose, high cliffs over-looking sandy beaches with an abundances of sea life, and rivers stocked with salmon."

God Continued, "I shall make a land rich in oil so as to make the inhabitants prosper, I shall call these inhabitants Canadians, and they shall be known as the most friendly people on the earth"

"But Lord" asked Gabriel "don't you think you are being too generous to these Canadians?"
"Not really" replied God "just wait and see the neighbours I am going to give them"

[new.vogue.nightmare]

There's a joke exactly like that, only instead of Canada it's Louisiana I think...(and it refers to traits of Louisiana too) and the punch line is "Just wait'll you see the loudmouths over in Texas they'll have to put up with."

[Nick]

*shoots the messenger*
HAHAHAHAHAA

[g1asswa1ker]

*Joins Nick* Kill them all!

[g1asswa1ker]

You thought they only got mean with your characters....

[Junesun]

I know a joke that's quite similar, about the people of Baden and the Swabians (two rivaling groups of people in the German state of Baden-Württemberg):

God explains the earth to Petrus: "This is a planet and I put life on it. I'll call it earth and it'll be a place of complete balance."
Petrus asks: "Balance?"
God explains: "For example, North America will be very rich, but South America will be very poor. Over there there's a continent full of white people and here's one with black people. Some countries are going to be warm and dry, whereas others are going to be cold and covered with thick ice. "
Petrus is impressed with God's work. He looks more closely and asks: "And what is this?"
"This", says God, "is Baden!. The most beautiful and the best place on earth. There will be nice people, beautiful lakes and forests, idyllic mountain landscapes and comfortable beer gardens and it will become a center of culture and sociability.
The people of Baden will not just be prettier, they will also be more intelligent, more skillful, more diligent and more sociable. And they will have a great sense of humour.
Petrus is deeply impressed, but asks God: "But what about the balance? You said everything will be balanced."
God answers: "Don't worry. Just wait till you see what idiots I put right next to them, in Swabia."

No, I'm neither from Baden nor from Swabia, I live 500km to the north, in a different state

Judith

[Junesun]

Here's another joke:

Imagine you were chosen to elect the world leader, the one who should bring peace & prosperity to all the world...
You have three candidates to choose from...
Candidate 1 works with corrupt politicians, consults astrologists and has two mistresses. Besides he drinks around 10 Martini every day.
Candidate 2 was fired twice, always sleeps till half past 11am, smoked opium in his youth and drinks about one bottle of Whiskey every day.
Candidate 3 got a medal for brave behaviour from his country, is vegetarian, doesn't smoke, doesn't drink and has no scandals in his past.
Whom would you choose? (Choose first, then read on).

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Candidate 1: Franklin D. Roosevelt;
Candidate 2: Winston Churchill;
Candidate 3: Adolf Hitler


Ok, another question: imagine a woman who is pregnant and already has 8 children. Three of them are deaf, two are blind and one is retarded. The woman has syphilis. Would you suggest that she have an abortion?

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If you said yes, you just killed Beethoven.

Judith

[Lone Wolf]

*shoots the messenger*
HAHAHAHAHAA

You just shot a Canadian Messenger...Damn you....Damn you all what would you do with out Purolator

*Besides I'm a Manitoban, we don't die so easily here......We just freeze here in Winter-peg*

[rklenseth]

*shoots the messenger*
HAHAHAHAHAA

You just shot a Canadian Messenger...Damn you....Damn you all what would you do with out Purolator

*Besides I'm a Manitoban, we don't die so easily here......We just freeze here in Winter-peg*

Nick is Canadian...

[Lone Wolf]

*shoots the messenger*
HAHAHAHAHAA

You just shot a Canadian Messenger...Damn you....Damn you all what would you do with out Purolator

*Besides I'm a Manitoban, we don't die so easily here......We just freeze here in Winter-peg*

Nick is Canadian...

Yeah I know that the ironic part - Canadian Shoots Canadian over a US joke
*Puts curse on Nick*

[Nick]

You told me not to shoot the messenger, so I did. Simple retaliation, I didnt care that you make fun of USA

[rklenseth]

Looks like that makes you a traitor, Nick. You can hop over on to the other side and join us Americans. We don't guard our Canadian border so it shouldn't be that hard to get in.

[Mitch]

That was the funniest thing I've heard all day. If someone could say all those things about Canada with a straight face they are a better man than I.

Canada *shakes his head*

[trage]

Great jokes, and I expected the Adolf Hitler thing.

[Lone Wolf]

Imagine you were chosen to elect the world leader, the one who should bring peace & prosperity to all the world...
You have three candidates to choose from...
Candidate 1 works with corrupt politicians, consults astrologists and has two mistresses. Besides he drinks around 10 Martini every day.
Candidate 2 was fired twice, always sleeps till half past 11am, smoked opium in his youth and drinks about one bottle of Whiskey every day.
Candidate 3 got a medal for brave behaviour from his country, is vegetarian, doesn't smoke, doesn't drink and has no scandals in his past.
Whom would you choose? (Choose first, then read on).

I chose #2 because #3 looked too googy-good for me, and who likes a goody-good.