Cantr II Discussion Forum

Well, I seem to be in a dilemma with my romantic life. There are a few thigns that need explaining before I start asking for help.

1. I think very existentially. To me, love is just an illusion that is a product of our hormones mixing with a poorly evolved conscience. I like the illusion, but it is still just an illusion.

2. There's a girl that I've been seeing for about 6 and a half months now. She's madly in love with me, and I am with her (Note: remember point 1). I'd do anything for her, and I honestly believe that I want to spend the rest of my life with her.

3. Because of the way I think, I can never trust anything 100%. This of course doesn't sit very well with her. I trust her more than anything in the world, but that's not enough for her.

I want to spend the rest of my life with her, but because of the way I think I can never trust her 100%. I want to, I wish I could trust her, but that would mean completely changing the foundations of my beliefs.

Any advice, comments, anything would be helpful. Thank you all.

well first off, you shouldn't take much of what I say for truth, becaus... I'm stupid and I have no experiance of this whatsoever.

What I wil say is that I don't believe in exentialism (or whatever that is), and don't understand it... But if your beliefe isn't helping your life, or if it's hurting your social life then you should change them, becaus you'll only get to live once, and what you believe in this life dosen't matter, it's how you act that matters.

MY OPINION!!!

Some more information would help, Skandrannon. How old are the two of you? How many relationships have you been in before this one? How long did they last?

Is your dilemma about whether to get married or not? I'm not quite seeing the problem. Is it that you voice reservations about the nature of love to your gf and that upsets her? When you say your trust is not enough for your gf what is it that she wants from you?

In my opinion completely trusting someone you have only known for six months would be foolish. People have known other people their whole lives and still been blindsided by unexpected behavior. Can you even be 100% sure what you, yourself, would do in every possible situation?

kinvoya wrote:In my opinion completely trusting someone you have only known for six months would be foolish. People have known other people their whole lives and still been blindsided by unexpected behavior. Can you even be 100% sure what you, yourself, would do in every possible situation?

On the other hand, NOT trusting someone because you can't be 100% sure what they'd do in a given situation is foolish too.

Ya. You trust someone or you don't. It's not really measured in percentages. If they do something to betray your trust or they have a history of betrayal then it's wise to be cautious.

As much as anyone can trust anyone, trust is earned through actions and attitudes. If I had a friend who thought that stealing was not that big of a deal I wouldn't trust them with money or to borrow anything I wanted back but I might trust them to always be there when I needed to vent. So I guess my point is also that trust is relative to the situation.

Also, a person who has been betrayed in the past might not be willing to trust someone no matter how trustworthy that person proved themselves to be. So there's that.

Also, I heard a rumor that west always farts at the movies so I would never trust him to sit next to me.

Love is a combination of chemicals, sure, let's say it is. Personally, I believe that it is. But check, then, it is not an illusion. It is a chemical state, or whatever. Maybe a delusion, but it exists. You really do "Love" someone or whatever. Whether or not it's caused by neurochemicals or fucking mana or what have you doesn't matter.

Kinvoya said it better then I can. You can never really be "One hundred percent" certain of anything. You can be pretty damn sure. Just use common sense, man. If you want to be with her, be with her. Why you need to "trust her one hundred percent". What is it do you think she will do? Do you think she's going to screw around on you or leave you or some such thing? You're being to general. You can never "Trust someone one hundred percent" in absolutly every possible situation. Not logically, at least. If you're insane, perhaps. Or say for example, you're sure that she won't screw around on you, or something else, like that if you drop something it will fall, for a reason. But there is no way to rationalize absolute trust in every situation one hundred percent.

Is it her that's the problem? Is it that your beliefs are upsetting her, and not you? You could always just not bring it up. But it sounds to me like it would, in that situation, be better rather to just talk about it with her. Does she understand your beliefs, first of all? This is really something you should talk over with her, brother. I honestly don't think anybody in the whole world can help you. No silver bullets.

It sounds a bit to me, though, like you're using your beliefs and the fact that "You must change them" or something as a bit of an excuse for something else. To rationalize something your worrying about, perhaps. You're afraid she might leave you? Even if there's no reason for her to, you're afraid she might, it might not work out? Or that she's not totally loyal? It sounds a bit like that too me, brother. Correct me if I'm wrong.

I realize much of this sounds rather insulting, but you did ask my opnion.

Too tell you the truth, though, I'd say that this is not something anybody can really give you advice on. And if anybody can, it's not people from the internet. Ask your friends, people who know you, people you know, people you respect who have a good relationship. That's my advice.

Good luck, man.

kinvoya wrote:Also, I heard a rumor that west always farts at the movies so I would never trust him to sit next to me.

That is a vicious lie. You're thinking of restaurants.

Wow, thanks for all the insight everyone.

The issue with the way I think is that it is upsetting her. She believes in trusting someone with absoluetly everything, and that person is me.

Although I don't believe that she will leave me or hurt me on her own, it's what she doesn't realize she's doing or what other people may do to her that worry me. I guess as I'm typing this is that the problem doesn't lie with my lack of trust, it is with her excess trust. That's a terrible way to word it, but I think most of you get the picture.

Well, I'm 17, soon to be 18, and she is 15 soon to be 16. I know that even the most tolerant people reading that last sentence just lost a lot of respect for my argument, but hear me out.

We are both VERY mature people and are willing to work at a relationship. It hasn't been easy, but we've always come out of any sort of argument or conflict closer to eachother than before it started. I've even told her that once I'm done university and have a job, I want to move in with her and eventually ask her to marry me. I've never even thought about that with any other girl.

Either way, thank you everyone. Even in typing my responses I've come to think of things that haven't occured to me. I'd enjoy any further discussion, so you don't need to stop. =)

you should go on a trip somewere. somewere cool.. like JAPAN!

yea... japan.

or Australia

Australia's good.

Actually, taking a trip of a week or more is a pretty good way to test a relationship. You get tired and cranky and maybe sick. You're together all the time. You get on each others nerves. You have different desires about where to go and what to do and you have to compromise. It's like a concentrated marriage. If someone is selfish and immature it will definitely show up.

If you watch The Amazing Race you can so easily tell the couples with healthy relationships because they treat each other well no matter what is happening. They might have disagreements but they never attack or are mean to each other even though they are living through a grueling experience.

Wow... and I thought I was just being silly.

xp

Skandrannon wrote:Well, I'm 17, soon to be 18, and she is 15 soon to be 16. I know that even the most tolerant people reading that last sentence just lost a lot of respect for my argument, but hear me out.

I'm not going to say that's too young to fall in love, because it's definitely not. But I do think that's a little young to be getting as serious as you seem to be. The next few years are tremendously important ones for you (and especially for her), especially as you graduate high school and go into college or technical school or whatever you end up doing. You're both going to be doing scads of growing up in the next few years (well, hopefully) and a lot of things might change.

You've got the whole rest of your life to spend the rest of your life with someone; don't rush into it now.

I suppose I'm saying lighten up a bit and just see what happens for a while. You're young; make the most of it. And don't have sex. That's where baby internet trolls come from.

I feel like I should say something, although don't know what. One thing I noticed while reading your posts, Skandrannon, is that you do sound mature for your age. Or maybe 18 year-old guys over here in Egypt are so immature that it's surprising for me to see you talking like that.

Anyway, West is right. (And as someone else would say, West is always right,) You're not too young to fall in love, but you're too young to take things too seriously. I for one experienced that myself... You still have high school to finish, college to go to, and along the way you're going to meet a lot of different people. You won't necessarily fall in love with a different girl, but you're definitley (sp?) going to change the way you think. Believe me, I've been there. I'm not even quite mature yet, I'm turning 22 this month. I still have a lot of growing up to do, but life teaches you things... So, have fun gaining experience from the world and learning more about love and relationships.

By the way... Do you have a character in Port Gallahger?

Skandrannon wrote: Well, I'm 17, soon to be 18, and she is 15 soon to be 16. I know that even the most tolerant people reading that last sentence just lost a lot of respect for my argument, but hear me out....

I don't believe there's anything terribly wrong with that, although if you ask me, you are exploiting her, and her naivity, whatever. But I don't think that's all so wrong as that. As long as you're good to her.

But to tell you honest, brother, if you were going at one of my sisters at that age, I'd take a weight bar to your skull. Probably mess you pretty bad. Might even bring some boys with me. Stomp some. You'd get so much fracture you wouldn't even be jacking off for a decade.

I'm not trying to insult you here, but too me, that would seem the natural response for any reasonable family. At least that's how I grew up.

What I'm getting at, really, is where is her family? Her father? She got a father? Her brothers? Cousins? What's up? How do you get along with them, by the way?

Skandrannon wrote: I've even told her that once I'm done university and have a job, I want to move in with her and eventually ask her to marry me.

Hey now, brother, hold on, alright, take it from me. Move in with her? No way.

Get your own place. No woman wants a guy not have his own place. You're the man, she's the woman and she's younger. YOU have to provide for her. That's how it is. Be a man.

And if she's got a father or brothers, I don't know if you have brothers, a father or siblings, but believe me, brother, believe me, if SHE does, they are NOT going to let you move in. Let a man move into my place while he's fucking my daughter or sister? I don't think so.

You trying to get stomped?

Skandrannon wrote:Wow, thanks for all the insight everyone.

You're quite welcome.