My parents

[Morutea]

Hello all,

It is my first post

I want your thoughts on this:
Do you feel that because your parents may have supported you when you were younger, that you "owe" it to them to support them now?


(Pay the bills they run up etc, just because they did it for you when you were younger and unable to work)


Thanks.

[Schme]

The Ten Commandaments aside, if your parents have been good to you, raised you well and done what's best for you, I don't think it's all that unreasonable for them to ask to have you help them out some when they're older. Cut some grass, clear gutters, paint something, whatever.

Also, if you can afford it, help them out some. If they're retired, for example, they probably don't have as much money as before, so if you can help them, you should.

And if it gets to the point where they need to be in a nursing home of to pay for some medication or privatly administered medical care, you should help them if you can.

That said, if you're just starting out on your own and they're calling in their tab, or if you have a family of your own, then it doesn't seem all that reasonable to me. They can't expect you to give them money if you haven't got any, or you need what you have for your own children.

Also, depends on what bills you mean. Hospital bills? Well, you should at least try. But bar tabs, drug debts (some people will laugh, but many people who do drugs have children, believe me), rent that they should be able to afford but can't because they've pissed the money away on booze or some such thing, that's a bit different.

If they can't pay their rent (or hydro or grocceries or whatever) because they've been in hospital or because they're retired and making less, or buying meds, that's different.

If your parents did raise, clothe and feed you, and do so well, then if you ask me, you do owe them something, but as paying it back in cash, not exactly.

In the end, you really know your parents best. Do they need this money? Have they come to you because they're desperate and need some cash from you for legit things? Or are they manipulative people who do not need the money, or need it because they have been up to no good, and are simply trying to guilt some out of you for their own selfish and unreasonable purposes?

I don't know your parents. You've got to figure it out yourself, I'm afraid. If you ask me, anyways.

[the_antisocial_hermit]

That's a good post, Schme. Something along the lines of what I was thinking but never got time to type out (at least not time to make a well-thought out post). It really does depend on what they're asking help for and how well they took care of you. I know I'd do whatever I could for my parents, if they needed my help, because they've always been there for me and still help me out a lot. But my mum still won't hardly let me buy her a birthday dinner and movie theatre outing.

[west]

It's not a question of "owing". Children are not an investment into which you put money into, hoping that you'll get more out of later.

When you have a child you agree to love, respect, and support that child until they're an adult. Only a very self-serving person would think that the child was thereafter obligated to them.

That being said, with everything my parents have given me, have done for me, and have sacrificed on my behalf, if there's any way (once i'm finally out of debt) that I can help them out, I will. It's really the least I can do, not because I'm obligated but because it's the right thing to do.

[rklenseth]

Well, there goes the whole point of my existence. Thanks, West, for knocking me down. :cry: :wink:

[Phalynx]

This is becoming a serious question in the UK, prob has been for years in the US, but here the state would pay for care homes, community care, home helps and the like for the elderly. But a few years ago it all changed and suddenly the old have to pay for it themselves, when the money has run out they have to sell their homes and when that money runs out the Local Authority moves them to the cheapest dump there is unless their relatives are prepared to 'top up' the money.

So as demographics have changed, people live longer, the drain on resources from the elderly has moved from the state to the individuals. And nobody likes it. If there is anything left for you when your parents die, then there is 40% inheritance tax. And there are strict regulations to prevent the transfer of asserts beforehand so its difficilt to evade, although of course the richest chunk of society does.

So in answer to the question, unless you are prepared to see your parents rot in squalor, you might as well get used to paying for them and hope your kids succeed well enough to look after you..... or vote for euthanasia

[formerly known as hf]

The younger generation are going to die from obesity before they are able to support the older generation...

[Phalynx]

You've seen my picture then...

Mind due I don't qualify as young any more...

[Sunni Daez]

It's not a question of "owing". Children are not an investment into which you put money into, hoping that you'll get more out of later.

When you have a child you agree to love, respect, and support that child until they're an adult. Only a very self-serving person would think that the child was thereafter obligated to them.

That being said, with everything my parents have given me, have done for me, and have sacrificed on my behalf, if there's any way (once i'm finally out of debt) that I can help them out, I will. It's really the least I can do, not because I'm obligated but because it's the right thing to do.

I agree with this ... the choices don't cover this one... so I will vote depends...