Cantr II Discussion Forum

I was just wanting some adivce on how to improve my paper. I know there will probably be some grammatical errors I missed, but any adive would be welcome oh and please vote honestly on how horrible/good it is.

Olipifirovash News Issue #2


News
- Crime Wave
- Attack on the population
- Marriages
- Harry steps down
- Headquarters
- Red Knights
- Lily`s troubled times

Obituaries
- Rasputin and Jane
- Emile and another lady
- Thieves 1, 2 and 3
- Prole and Marklane

Riddles
- Next riddle
- Last riddle answer

Animals
- Unruly animals

Crime Wave
There has been an unusual crime wave in Olipifirovash as of recently. Just
recently three thieves came and started stealing things from the ground and from
houses. Local citizens pooled together to get rid of the criminal threat, but why did
such things happen? Since when did Olipifirovash attract so many criminals? It seems
that right after Olipifirovash`s prison was built criminals swarmed here just asking
to be put to death.

Attacks on the population
Emile and another lady attacked the population recently for no apparent reason.
The first lady just started attacking people and saying nothing when asked to stop.
Eventually she was brought under control, but in the process she was slain. Than
Emile who said she was "honouring that courageous lady" started attacking local
citizens. The fate that had befallen the first lady befell Emile too. It is sad to
see such people fall into the lust for blood when there are such greater goals to be
achieved.

Marriages
Three couples have decided to get married. The couples being Cara and Joe, Lily
and Blaine, and Georgia and Lord. The exact date of the marriages has not yet been
scheduled. I Hope to see the very special day come soon. Our very own Emissary Maxim
Baranov is planning on being the priest at the weddings. Watch out Olipifirovash its
love fever!

Harry steps down
Harry McConnor has stepped down as one of the councilors of Olipifirovash. He says
"I have stepped down because a good friend of mine offered me some very good advice".
Everyone seems to have calmed down about the constant screamings about how Harry
should step down or why he should stay as a councilor. So after the vote was counted
void and everyone had stopped the rampaging Harry told them he was stepping down. If
that empty council position is filled this reporter does not know. If it is to be
filled hopefully there will be no more quarell over what is wrong with the new one.

Headquarters
The new Olipifirovash Headquarters is almost 3/4 done. The plans for expansion
have not yet taken place. I do know that there is going to be expansion for the
building just the required materials and lack of the ability to get them in a short
period of time have set a halt in the plan for expansion. So when the main building
is done it will probably stay as just a building for a while. Once the required
materials are gathered it will probably be expanded.

Red Knights
The Red Knights were held hostage in their own building because of two betrayers
named Prole and Marklane. They stayed with the Red Knights for a while to gain their
trust than when they least expected it Prole and Marklane pounced and took over the
HQ in Olipifirovash. They didn`t count on something though. They forgot about how
there were mass numbers of civil, orderly, law-abiding citizens in Olipifirovash who
just hate the criminal scum. The people banned together and cut down the traitors.
They now lie in the ground where they belong.

Lily`s troubled times
Lily, local clothier and wife, has recently been going through some troubled
times. She took an attempt on her own life with her sabre. Her sabre was than
confiscated and the rest of her equipment was given to Kerry to hold. We must all be
supportive of her when she is hurting like this. Let us all hope that she gets over
her obsticles and on with her life. Get better soon Lily.

Obituaries

Rasputin and Jane
Rasputin and Jane have died recently. They died of sleeping sickness. It was a sad
day for the town of Olipifirovash when they lost two of their law-abiding citizens.
Sadly I was unable to learn much about them before they died. So I will say let them
rest in peace and may they have a nice life wherever they go.

Emile and another lady
The two people who decided to attack Olipifirovash recently have been put to rest.
They were slain by the weapon-wielders of Olipifirovash. These two were put to rest
for good reasons. May mercy be upon their souls.

Thieves 1, 2 and 3
Three thieves were killed very recently. They were stealing things off the grounds
and running into houses and taking tools and materials from them. Such is the life of
Olipifirovash today. May they have mercy upon their souls.

Prole and Marklane
Prole and Marklane who were traitors to the Red Knights have been killed by the
banded militia-army of the citizens of Olpifirovash. The two were taken care of in
their own building they hoped to capture. Such sad people.

Riddles

Riddle #2
There is something in my pocket
There is nothing in my pocket
What is in my pocket?

Last issues question and answer
My tines be long,
My tines be short,
My tines be gone,
My first report.
What am I?

Answer: Lightning

Animals

Unruly Animals
Animals of Olipifirovash have felt the need to join in the insanity that has been
in the town recently. Starting with one harmless sheep attacking someone. Than the
storm about Harry steeping down. Than Lily tries to take her own life. Now all the
deaths from the attackers, thieves and the vitctims to sleeping sickness. Than more
animals decide to join in the fray. When will the madness end?

Average...

The items should be a little longer and more lively. I only read 10% of the paper but was bored already. ALso, a nice interview would be nice, like with an authority on the crime problem. Their views on why crime increases and how it will be dealt with would be nice... (Just an example).
Also, I think a bit more "RP" in the articles would be nice. Some "made up" variables in the articles, just to make them more fun to read.
Your style of writing seems to be very direct. Only what happened, like a short report. A bit more spice would do a lot of good I think, a bit of "Drama", etc.

The reason I wrote it so was becfause I started writing this in the first place to inform newspawns, people who were to lazy to read what was going on and people who were in buildings. I know it isn't exactly exciting. I am still working on my writing and stuff.

This shouldn't really be posted on here. You should ask the advice of other characters in game and not the players out of game.

Badger (rklenseth) wrote:This shouldn't really be posted on here. You should ask the advice of other characters in game and not the players out of game.

I agree

I think this is the right place... He wants to hear our opinions and advise here. If done ingame, a lot less ppl could read it and give their opinion. Also, not many players would take the time to read it and give (extensive) advise since it'd cost too much of their valuable minutes.

The Hunter wrote:I think this is the right place... He wants to hear our opinions and advise here. If done ingame, a lot less ppl could read it and give their opinion. Also, not many players would take the time to read it and give (extensive) advise since it'd cost too much of their valuable minutes.

Yes that is why I did it. I got the opinion from most of the people in Olipifirovash and I would rather not travel from place to place asking people when it is so much easier to post it here. Sorry if this is annoying to some.

The Hunter wrote:I think this is the right place... He wants to hear our opinions and advise here. If done ingame, a lot less ppl could read it and give their opinion. Also, not many players would take the time to read it and give (extensive) advise since it'd cost too much of their valuable minutes.

Not really. You could read it then log out and open wordpad. Type in your advice, copy and paste, and then relogin and paste your advice into the right place. You would probably waste less than 5 second of your time doing that.

Badger (rklenseth) wrote:

The Hunter wrote:I think this is the right place... He wants to hear our opinions and advise here. If done ingame, a lot less ppl could read it and give their opinion. Also, not many players would take the time to read it and give (extensive) advise since it'd cost too much of their valuable minutes.

Not really. You could read it then log out and open wordpad. Type in your advice, copy and paste, and then relogin and paste your advice into the right place. You would probably waste less than 5 second of your time doing that.

Most people don't have that kind of initive to do so. I type up the paper in Microsoft Word than publish it in Cantr because I don't want to waste 30 of my oh so precious minutes.

But the problem is that your character shouldn't do changes to the newspaper from the opinion of other players outside of the game. Your character should base changes, if any at all, on the opinion of the characters in game.

So I don't really see the purpose of asking advice from other players on an in game newspaper unless you just like to show it off.

He just wants to improve his writing. If you think he shouldnt post it here, just say so (which U did) and let have this thread.

If what you say should be the new guideline, we could just as well close the furum alltogether. The influence of this forum oon the action of char's ingame is HUGE!!!

But it shouldn't be. None of my characters base their actions from what I hear from the forums.

He can improve his writing but it seemed more to me that he was asking what he should do with the newspaper. Maybe I just read it wrong but that is what it sounded like to me.

And who says he cannot improve is character's writing from another character in game. I would like to see some sort of school's in game. I think that would make things more interesting.

Badger (rklenseth) wrote:But it shouldn't be. None of my characters base their actions from what I hear from the forums.

Sorry to say this: "BULLSHIT".

Even tho you may think you're not influenced, you really are. Your mind playing tricks with your conscience, maybe even vice versa. And I still think he should be allowed to. What's the harm? And Olip cwill benefit from a well written paper. It's not the end of the world!

My characters don't base their decisions off of what is said on the forum. I guarantee you that.

All I am trying to say is that he should be asking for advice in game rather than out of game. If he hasn't done so yet then he should try. He just might get a response. And if he is looking for advice on his writing that his fine but advice about the newspaper should be better dealt in game rather than out of game.

@RKL: He said he asked a bunch of people in the town.

I think writing style is an example of something that should ideally be roleplayed but can't be. Look at it this way. Do your characters learn English in Cantr? Do you limit your character's vocabulary to words that character has seen people use? I doubt it. Similarly, it's all right to pick up things like what makes a good newspaper article in real life and use it in Cantr.