TLHE Talks (Stolen Notes: Issue 5) wrote: In the past, we have examined topics such as exploration, image uploading, note usage and how to deal with location amnesia. TLHE, however, gets us in touch with our more sinister plans....
Thanks to the fabulous article by Jerry in the last installment of the ‘Zine, we all know how to set up a thriving community. I’m sad to say however, getting a settlement together was the easy part. Rounding all those people up, seeing that the economy actually exists and making sure that the whole town won’t be suddenly and unexpectedly slaughtered will seem like a stroll through Drojf when you encounter your next question; “Where should I go from here?”
After going from disaster to disaster trying to get your city off the ground, the prospect of untold decades of ruling where the largest dilemma you face in a typical day is carrot ownership…well, it’s slightly disappointing, to say the least. But you know you can’t stir things up…you’ve seen what happens to overbearing rulers and you don’t want anyone taking your years of hard work away from you with a shiny new saber, right?
Wrong. Despite the peace that most of Cantr is now experiencing, bloodthirsty tyrants are still as fun to play as they’ve ever been, and luckily, if you play them right, they can be just as loved as the passive leaders that have only good in their role-played hearts. “But how TLHE?” you’re likely asking. Well, don’t worry, my darling; that is, coincidentally enough, what I’m here today to address.
First thing’s first, I’m not saying you should go off and kill every newspawn that pops up (really though, who wants to deal with newspawns…). To the contrary, newspawns are going to be a resource as valuable as iron if you want to rule as a corrupt fat cat. By finding citizenry with no former ties or even experiences, you can ensure that their loyalties lie with you. It’s hard to believe that greeting a character fresh from the dirt, providing them with some simple gear and food, and offering them a place to live endears you to them for life, but in Cantr, it does.
Now, I hate to say this twice in one article, but getting a town full of people you’ve known since their 20th was the easy part, the tedious work is just now beginning. Most Cantrians do not spawn as a fresh slate, no matter how much some people might disagree. No, most Cantrians come instilled with morals, the same that you’d find in the real world, and because of this, any other city within the game. So, if you’re going to break out of the Cantr town mold, there’s a lot to be done.
I hope at this point that you are beginning to realize why you can’t go throwing anyone who annoys you in jail willy-nilly quite yet. Once you’ve gotten your newspawns together, you can start supporting the idea that you’re all a tight-knit group (which, with any luck, you will be). Start by introducing laws to benefit them. Of course you’ll want the “don’t steal” and “don’t kill” that almost every town includes in their written laws, but for the sake of your newfound “friends”, why not throw in some laws stating that only citizens can keep the more valuable resources from animals, or that resource slots go to citizens before visitors? On that note, why not make becoming a citizen something more than just writing your name on a paper? An interesting indoctrination procedure will make your peons feel happy since you actually spent time on them, and because of this, they’ll identify more as part of the whole.
As the years pass, you can start adding laws as you see fit, until you get to every bloodthirsty dictator’s favorite, the “Umbrella Law”. Such a law should basically state (in agreeable language), that disrespecting the citizenry or the town or the leader is a punishable offense, but leave it open. With such a law you should be able to, with the support of your town, lock up and kill any character that even slightly annoys you. Is there a newspawn knocking on every door in town while you’re having a particularly bad day? Kill them. A trader who’s getting irate because he thinks your prices are unreasonable? Kill him! (And take his stuff.) Lady comes into your town flapping her jaws about how your laws are unjust? I’m afraid you’ll have to kill her.
At the beginning of this article, I not only said that you could play a blood-thirsty dictator, but that you could play one without eventually experiencing a swift end to your reign via a rebel uprising. There are a few things that you should keep in mind towards this goal, but luckily there are only two things you really need to worry about. The first is one that most towns won’t need to worry about, by virtue of the issue itself…. If your town is sitting on a valuable and rare resource such as hematite, if you horde it, one day there will be an army knocking on the doors of the imperial palace. That’s not to say that you can’t limit the resource at all, but you can’t expect to make it impossible for outsiders to get without trading and still have a fine town reputation.
The second rule, and the one that all tyrannical bastards must live by is this: Leave no survivors. It’s quite simple when you think about it, if the only people that live to talk about your town are those that had a great time visiting and the newspawns that love you dearly, you’ll have the best reputation in the world! However, if you throw someone in jail for copying a note on a day ending in zero and then leave them there for a year starving, they aren’t going to be happy if you let them out. It’s strange, but the way to keep up your nice guy image in this case is to kill the note copier rather than let them run free among the daisies. This applies to most situations for your new ruler, so once you attack a man for taking a kilo of raw meat, you better finish the job, meat be damned.
As this issues’ Tips and Tricks feature draws to a close, I thank you, dear reader, for staying with me on our adventure through town leadership, disjointed as it may have been. I hope you join me next issue, when we’ll discuss the many things you can do at sea, or something equally inane!
