Funny or interesting IC quotes

[Armulus Satchula]

Some is amused by this:

4759-2.04: FORBY (a man in his twenties) says: "GREETINGS, HUMAN. *it speaks in a hard, metallic voice* I AM 45-B. WHAT IS YOUR IDENTITY?"

4759-2.05: FORBY (a man in his twenties) says: "GREETINGS MY FELLOW HUMANS. IT ELICITS POSITIVE EMOTIONAL RESPONSES TO IDENTIFY YOU."

4759-2.06: FORBY (a man in his twenties) says: "*he returns with the loincloth around his neck* THANK YOU RAIZEL. I ENJOY COVERING MY SKIN WITH ANIMAL SKINS. IT REDUCES HEAT LOSSES WHICH IS IMPORTANT TO MY BIOLOGICAL MACHINERY."

4759-2.08: FORBY (a man in his twenties) says: "THANK YOU RAZIEL. I AM SURE THIS WILL BE MORE EFFECTIVE AT DAMAGING ANIMALS THAN MY FISTS, WHICH ARE MADE FROM MEAT AND NOT FROM TOOL-GRADE STEEL."

4759-2.08: FORBY (a man in his twenties) says: "HA. HA. HA. VANESSA. I WAS ONLY USING THE LOINCLOTH INCORRECTLY FOR AMUSEMENT. PLEASE CONFIRM OR DISCONFIRM [Y]/N

[iavatus]

4759-2.04: FORBY (a man in his twenties) says: "GREETINGS, HUMAN. *it speaks in a hard, metallic voice* I AM 45-B. WHAT IS YOUR IDENTITY?"

Oh, I hope to meet 45-B, and that he's not a oneshot joke. There shall be input, varied and intriguing to find out his parameters.

[Marian]

I had a robot gimmick char once but they weren't nearly as funny, they were basically the workshop drone taken to its logical extreme and I only really did anything with them when they were out of food, or couldn't find any projects they could work on.

[Armulus Satchula]

The further adventures of Unit 45-B!



Bad Person 1 says: "*he tries to ignore the new guy visibly annoyed"
Bad Person 1 says: "Se questo scemo non la smette di urlare gli dó una picconata in faccia"
Bad Person 1 says: "Bad Person 2, que pensar de gilipollas nuevo?"

Bad Person 2 says: "*chuckles*"
Bad Person 2 says: "Bad Person 1! No! *chuckles*"
Bad Person 2 says: "che è la parola giusta!"
Bad Person 2 whispers to Bad Person 1.

Bad Person 1 says: "45-gilipollas-B "
Bad Person 1 says: "*he laughs loudly"

Bad Person 2 says: "yes!"
Bad Person 2 says: "-smiles-"
Bad Person 2 says: "It is a hybrid of all of us"

Vanessa says: "Anyone want to try their hand at crushing hematite?"

Forby says: "UNFORTUNATELY THIS MATERIAL IS VERY BRITTLE AND I MAY HAVE DAMAGED IT. SHOULD I DIG FOR A REPLACEMENT? Y/[N]"

Vanessa gives a brand new sledgehammer to Forby.

Vanessa says: "It's okay. *chuckles* You need to crush the stones to separate the ore out from the rock. Also, do you have, uh, a volume setting?"

Forby says: "NEGATORY. I HAVE A PERFECTLY NORMAL HUMAN VOICE MODULE WITH NO SETTINGS."

Vanessa says: "*rubs her head* Well, then, can you ... stop shouting, please? You might startle me and make me spill this rice, and that would be a waste of food."

Forby says: "... *it crushes hematite in silence*"

Vanessa says: "*looks at him for a long moment before saying patiently* I mean. You can talk. Just... less loudly? It's okay. Really."

Bad Person 1 says: "Town idiot shout again"
Bad Person 1 says: "}he tries to keep hi composure, leaning on the pickaxe"
Bad Person 1 says: "AAAAAA VAFFANCULO!"
Bad Person 1 enters the workshop.
Bad Person 1 awkwardly hurts Forby using a pickaxe.

Bad Person 1 leaves the workshop, entering the town.
Bad Person 1 says: "}he walks out of the workshop out of himself, sweating profusely"
Bad Person 1 says: "Testa di cazzo"
Bad Person 1 says: "*he wipes the blood off the tip of the pick"

Bad Person 2 says: "ho detto prima"
Bad Person 2 says: "Bad Person 1 sei un campione"
Bad Person 2 says: "*chuckles*"
Bad Person 2 says: "mi ha fatto ridere un sacco"

Bad Person 1 says: "non so cho merda é un peach module, ma spero di averlo rotto"
Bad Person 1 says: "Grazie Bad Person 2, almeno tu entiende"

Bad Person 2 says: "*chuckles*"

4759-3.35: Bad Person 2 says: "yes, I understand you"

Vanessa says: "*rubs her head* That really was not necessary, Bad Person 1. I already told him to be quiet and he stopped talking. *frowns*"

Vanessa says: "He's very good at mining, but now he's hurt and we won't be able to get more iron and steel tools as quickly."

Bad Person 1 says: "I did not hit it"
Bad Person 1 says: "Just looking for volume control under skin"

Vanessa says: "*rubs her head again* Ugh, I have a headache -- You think it's annoying out there? It's _my_ ear he's shouting in. *smirks*"

Bad Person 1 says: "I be very good digger, best he work 19% less than me go away entirely"

Vanessa says: "And anyway, I just said, I already told him to be quiet, and he was quiet."

Forby says: "INITIATING SELF DEFENCE PROCEDURE. STAND CLEAR."
Forby leaves the workshop, entering the town.
Forby expertly hurts Bad Person 1 using a sledgehammer.
Forby entering the workshop, coming from the central area of the town.

Vanessa says: "Forby... well, no, actually the scouting and response there was perfectly appropriate. *smirks* Although I believe the appropriate word in the situation is 'vaffanculo', as Bad Person 1 has so kindly told us."

Vanessa says: "Anyway, can we please... not kill one another?"

Forby says: "ACKNOWLEDGED. VAFFANCULO ASCIANO."

Bad Person 2 says: "NO!"
Bad Person 2 says: "I will end this"
Bad Person 2 says: "give me the pickaxe"

Vanessa says: "Bad Person 2. Bad Person 1 attacked Forby first. Just because he was shouting."

Bad Person 2 says: "but he must learn to respect"
Bad Person 2 points at Forby.
Bad Person 2 says: "bad robot"

Vanessa says: "I asked Forby to be quiet. He was quiet. Bad Person 1 hit him anyway."

Forby says: "I DO NOT KNOW WHAT YOU MEAN. THERE ARE NO ROBOTS HERE."
Forby says: "Bad Person 1 IS MISBEHAVING. HE MUST BE CORRECTED."



Later



FORBY says: "SALUTATIONS, FELLOW HUMANS."

Jonas says: "What in the world happened?"
Jonas says: "Ah, great, Forby is still here."

FORBY says: "THERE WAS A CONFLICT OF INTEREST"

Vanessa says: "Well... Bad Person 2 and Bad Person 1 swore at us, attacked us, dragged us out of the workshop..."

Jonas says: "What?"
Jonas says: "Why in the world would they do that?"

Vanessa says: "I have nooooo idea."

FORBY says: "VANESSA TOLD ME TO BE QUIET, SO I WAS QUIET. Bad Person 1 WANTED TO FIND A VOLUME BUTTON, AND PROBED FOR IT WITH A PICKAXE."

Jonas says: "So... They dragged you out. For what purpose? They had nowhere locked to put you, right?"

FORBY says: "HE DID NOT LOCATE IT AS I HAVE NO SUCH THING."

Vanessa says: "I think they took the bike. Not exactly the greatest abduction vehicle..."

Jonas says: "I guess the question now is what do we do about it. I guess I don't really care personally as long as they don't come back."
Jonas says: "That sounds like a good plan."

Vanessa says: "Personally, if I see them again, I'm going to tell them 'vaffanculo'."

Jonas says: "What does that mean?"

FORBY says: "IT IS THE APPROPRIATE STATEMENT AS YOU KILL A MAN."

Vanessa says: "I have no idea. *giggles* But Bad Person 1 kept screaming it angrily, so I'm guessing it's impolite."


...I was just dying laughing at my keyboard while my character had to treat this all like a Very Serious Event.

[Marian]

While saying goodbyes:

A Very Funny Person says to you: "*turns the wave around, curls up three fingers and a thumb, and keeps waving*"

[iavatus]

Not hilarious, just a good example of entitlement not achieving. Top down, cause.

You see Jack load a silo full of tools, weapons, crowbars and shield


4765-1.08: Honna Grell says: "Holy CRAP that's a lot of stuff. Can I have some of those things?"
4765-1.11: James says: "An -entire- silo?"
4765-1.12: James says: "Is there anything this town is lacking then?"
4765-1.18: Casey says: "Honna, yeah, I think that was the point. He's been practically begging people to take them."
4765-1.20: Honna Grell says: "Jack, can I have...A claymore, a crowbar, a chisel, and a file?"

Silo status, 98% full

4765-1.21: You see Honna Grell take some stuff out of the silo
4765-1.22: You see Honna Grell take some stuff out of the silo
4765-1.22: You see Casey entering Kwor(14) - 10, coming from Clyde (Casey).
4765-1.22: You hear Honna Grell play some music on a used ocarina.
4765-1.22: You see Casey take some stuff out of the silo
4765-1.24: You see Fondue take some stuff out of the silo.

Silo status, 98% full

4765-1.35: Nathaniel Eppes says: "Hm, silo looting time. Or fuel for a small, out-of-control-forest-fire-sized, campfire."
4765-2.00: Nathaniel Eppes says: "How is that silo still in one piece..."
4765-2.02: Rose says: "*boggles* Wow! "
4765-2.02: You see Rose take an often-used pickaxe out of small silo and pick it up, an often-used shovel out of small silo and pick it up, a used knife out of small silo and pick it up.

Yuloc exits the public storage building

4765-3.34: Yuloc says: "I'm Yuloc! I'm nobody's bitch. "
4765-3.34: Jack says: "Hello Yuloc. As interesting a statement that is, it's *shakes his head* irrelevant."

4765-4.03: You see Yuloc take a some stuff, including a weapon and shield.

Silo status, 98% full

4765-4.03: Casey says: "Hello, Yuloc. I'm Casey."
4765-4.03: Yuloc says: "Who'll fight me? I'm nobody's bitch. "
4765-4.05: You see Casey efficiently hurt Yuloc using a waster.
4765-4.06: Jack says: "Okay, darling. If you say so. *pats him on the shoulder*"
4765-4.07: Fondue says: "Hey Yolo....erm Yuloc. I'm Fondue Fontana. You don't have to be nobody's bitch. I ain't nobody's bitch neither. Ain't no bitches here. Nope."
4765-4.09: Yuloc says: "I'm not impressed. I will kill you all and take your souls if you can't do better than that."
4765-4.09: Casey says: "Than what?"
4765-4.10: Yuloc says: "Well, than Fondue, I guess."
4765-4.11: Jack says: "Okay Yuloc. Time to put my guard hat on. Captain of the guard, in full."
4765-4.11: Jack says: "As much as I like people doing what they want, when you start mouthing off like that, I start remembering how many prison cells I have, and how much I don't like to use them, except when I need to."
4765-4.11: Jack says: "Pull your head in, before I have to."
4765-4.11: Jack says: "Final warning. Next words, had better be polite."

4765-4.21: You see Rose a heap of tools out of the silo. Probably as much as she could carry
4765-4.22: Rose says: "So, I have a few things. Thanks so much Jack, there's tons I'd like to try out. I may have went a little crazy, though."

Silo status, 97% full

4765-4.32: Yuloc says: "Wow, you guys are boring. I'm going to go starve to death trying to find someplace less restrictive, better than staying here. You don't have freedom of speech? Aint gonna work for me. I'm Yuloc, and I'm nobody's bitch. "
4765-4.32: You see Yuloc leaving Kwor(14), taking expressway to Kwor Beach (15).
4765-4.32: Fondue says: "What a little bitch."

And then he got a bolt in the bum. And thus, Boltbum was born unto the world.

[Marian]

Yeah Yuloc, you go! Free yourself from that restrictive town full of greedy hoarders! Surely a better place awaits just down the road, one that will appreciate and support your passion for soul stealing, and not being a bitch.

...and so this might be another one of those reasons older characters are always rolling their eyes at newspawns. Always some like that around, giving them a bad reputation.

[Armulus Satchula]

4764-7.35: Crewmate 1 says to you: "Silly Newspawn has undocked from the galleon in a longboat."
4765-0.10: Crewmate 1 says to you: "He punched himself novicely in the face, then entered the longboat and left, he may have food on him, I don't know, he's had weeks to amass gear, but this doesn't seem very well planned, hehe."

4765-0.12: First Mate says to Crewmate 1: "Anyway. *looks off at the water* I am not overly concerned about him getting very far very fast. *chuckles* When Town Leader wakes up, I'll ask if his raker has a dinghy attached to it, and we can catch up to him and tell him how silly he's being and drag him back to town before he starves to death in his poorly executed theft attempt."

4765-1.04: Crewmate 2 says: "*He looks out to sea* Hm, unusual choice."
4765-1.05: Crewmate 2 says: "The miscellaneous storage boat? Not the food or the metals? How perplexing."
4765-1.08: Captain says: "*She looks out and frowns in confusion.* Erm... Did someone just steal one of our longboats?"
4765-1.09: Crewmate 2 says: "Yes, I believe Silly Newspawn has made a daring if somewhat puzzling getaway. *He chuckles*"

4765-1.21: First Mate says: "*looks at a piece of paper and rubs his neck* Always I truly have to wonder, if he really wished to take one of the longboats for whatever reason, aside from being extremely slow and liable to starve before he gets anywhere... why did he take the one with fifty kilos of dried dung?"

4765-2.07: Town Leader says: "I dn't have keys to most of the boats. The only dinghy I have access to is my personal one. "
4765-2.24: First Mate says: "*nods* Very well. *chuckles, looking off at the water* I wonder how long it will take him to regret sailing off in a boat full of dung."

4765-2.27: First Mate says: "It seems to be more a case of a rather poorly conceived theft. *smirks* If he wanted his own ship, we could have helped him get an abandoned one. If he were interested in resources or tools, he could have asked and received something more valuable than a boat full of dung and limestone."
4765-2.27: Captain says: "Hmmm. Town Leader, is it possible we can borrow your dinghy? We'll return it and give you collateral in the meantime."
4765-2.27: Captain says: "It won't take us long to catch him at this rate. *she looks skeptically across the water*"

4765-3.19: Captain says: "Okay, I'll get on the ship and undock it. Town Leader, would you like some collateral?"
4765-3.19: Town Leader says: "When you get back we'll see. I'm not too terribly worried."
4765-3.20: Town Leader says: "Though then it wouldn't be collateral. It's fine though. First Mate, you follow me then. "
4765-3.20: First Mate says: "*nods* Crewmate 2 and the glass and iron projects are still inside the workshop. *chuckles* We are not likely to leave them here."
4765-3.20: First Mate says: "*nods* I will follow."
4765-3.20: Captain says: "Hah! Fair enough. We'll leave our friend here as collateral, then. *she grins"

4766-2.26: Dinghy docks at Longboat.
4766-2.27: First Mate says: "*chuckles* Hello, Silly Newspawn. How was your trip?"
4766-2.27: First Mate says: "Congratulations on choosing the longboat most heavily laden with the least valuable things."
4766-2.27: First Mate says: "Really, you could have just picked a few things you might like and taken the sloop. Or asked first? *chuckles* You know there were a lot of abandoned ships in Empty Town? I said there were large ships sitting there in addition to the longboats and sloop we picked up and suggested anyone getting out should bring a crowbar, but we left the larger ships since we didn't want to go to the trouble of trying to steer multiple ships."
4766-2.27: Longboat docks at Galleon.
4766-2.28: Captain says: "Lovely! Our errant lad returns!"
4766-2.28: First Mate says: "Can anyone awake help me drag him?"
4766-2.28: You see Silly Newspawn being dragged by First Mate, Captain from Longboat to Galleon.

4766-5.02: Silly Newspawn says: "*he sighs* I'm bored of this ship. I need out."
4766-5.05: Captain says: "Well, Silly Newspawn, if you really want to abscond with all of our poop, don't let us stop you, but you could've said something. Everyone is free to leave at any time, you know."
4766-5.05: Captain says: "First Mate, we can start our de-junking by getting rid of all the dung. Seriously."
4766-5.05: Captain says: "In fact, I think we should leave it with Silly Newspawn as a parting gift! *she titters* After all, he went to such lengths to take off with it. What do you think?"

4766-5.07: First Mate gives 10906 grams of dried dung to Silly Newspawn.
4766-5.08: Captain says: "*she applauds* First Mate, what initiative! How truly generous we are, my dear, making the dreams of newspawns come true! *she sighs with contentment and smiles at the others*"

SIDE NOTE - I am on vacation for 4 days. You are welcome to request anonymous posts from me, but they will wait until i get home.

[iavatus]

45-B for life, and huzzah on the Dung Theft. Was he all there, or just decided that was the best thing to sail away with.

Top down, and a rare contender for radio love.

4688-2: You hear from radio at freq. 100: "~Hi there sugardolls and sweeties~ *a chipper melodic voice comes on* This is Louisa in Olip, the -best- town on the island. We do designs of all sorts of looks, clothes, hair -everything-. All with a mission in mind, making this world more beautiful place. And where else to start, than on the outside. I -do- believe that looks reflect the inner side of someone. Currently we're looking for an extra designer, caus it's -soo- busy lately. Are you interested? And.. Is fashion your passion? Please come this way or try the radio. "

4688-2: You hear from radio at freq. 100: "Well I am not a sugardoll or sweetie, but I could use an update on my clothing after over 180 years or so. How would you like to design something for the leader of a warrior tribe."

4688-2: You hear from radio at freq. 100: "Ooh sugar, I have such fierce images in my mind now. Hmhmm. We can -definitely- do that! Where are you exactly?"

4688-2: You hear from radio at freq. 100: "Cantr island currently. "

4688-3: You hear from radio at freq. 100: "Hmm, few questions sugar. Do you need a complete outfit? And *a feminine giggle* do I have carte blanche?"

4688-3: You hear from radio at freq. 100: "What the hell is a carte blanche? And yes..complete outfit. I am not sure if you've heard of Rau Naedell Blackrock but that would be who the outfit is for. Out of curiousity, what do you accept as payment?"

4688-3: You hear from radio at freq. 100: "Sorry sugar, have never heard of him.. or her? I focus more on fashion. *the giggle is heard again* And I mean that I can do anything I want what I have in mind for the outfit? And we accept almost anything, but we do prefer things we can use in the next designs. Currently I'm specially looking for some rubber and silk. I'm getting married you see? To my -gorgeous- prince charming. And I still need silk for a veil."

4688-3: You hear from radio at freq. 100: "Hey, Louisa? I'm talking with a friend of yours across the island here, and a question came up they said you might be able to answer better. Why do people wear high heels?"

4688-3: You hear from radio at freq. 100: "Ooh, high heels? *the voice gets even more chipper* It's a way of living sugar. It gives the feeling of empowerment, being a strong woman or man. It lights up your entire figure, giving you that sexy shape. Plus I think it gives a straight line to the gods Shausugar teaches us about. Them pulling you upwards as you walk, keeping your head up and shoulders straight. So you can face -everything- life throws at you."

4688-3: You hear from radio at freq. 100: "This is James Hughes calling home, any of my friends about? We have a bit of a situation. *he sounds somewhat annoyed, the sound of rummaging and drumming fingers heard over the static*"

4688-3: You hear from radio at freq. 100: "James, this is Rau Naedell. What's going on?"

4688-3: You hear from radio at freq. 100: "Thanks for the answer Louisa; that makes sense!"

4688-3: You hear from radio at freq. 100: "We have a guy here, if you remember he passed through a couple of days ago. Anyways, we arrived here and found him trying to cause some drama, going on about spreading it around what sort of neighbours they're keeping."

4688-3: You hear from radio at freq. 100: "Terrific, Where is this?"

4688-3: You hear from radio at freq. 100: "Take the northern most road out of town. Anyways, most we've done is pointed out his rudeness. It might be best if a friendly face shows up and puts the nonsense straight."

4688-3: You hear from radio at freq. 100: "Considering that particular man came through and had no discussion or any interaction with us at all, it's irritating that the man is trying to cause issues and claims to know what "kind" of neighbors we are in the first place. He came through and did not stay, did not talk to anyone so whatever he is saying is simply to stir up trouble in the area. Likely more trouble than he is going to want. I will come speak with them. Meanwhile...Zuzi if you're listening, it seems one of your people is causing problems with mine. This does not bode well for future relations."

4688-3: You hear from radio at freq. 100: "Indeed, he didn't say a word to us at all, just picked up our laws and left. He didn't recognize us when we arrived, and was trying to make the whole thing really ominous. He claims though he's not trying to cause trouble, but you'd have to be really gullible to believe that."

4688-3: You hear from radio at freq. 100: "Though I doubt the people of Zuzi even know about this guy, he seems to be the type that just got his stuff and left. As far as I know they are good people, they wouldn't cause this sort of trouble. "

4688-3: You hear from radio at freq. 100: "Still, he claimed to be one of them and a couple of their other people have been through recently as well to add to it. "

4688-3: You hear from radio at freq. 100: "*he gives a quiet grunt* True, though it could just be him as what has already proven to be his desperately overcompensating mouth."

4688-3: You hear from radio at freq. 100: "~Rau sweety?~ *she sings out* This is Louisa. I did some sketching and have this gorgeous tunic and trousers. And it's -so- fierce and warrior. You-will-LOVE-it. Shall I make it for you?"

Having met Louisa, it's a lot funnier. Having not met Rau, my fellows are still alive.I do hope Neddall has updated her fashion. Some silken naughties, might soften her image somewhat.

[Marian]

So is an opportunity for murder like the equivalent of waving a shiny thing in front of Rau, because she lost interest in that business transaction awfully fast.

Always fun to read Louisa quotes either way. Wonder if she ever made that sale, though going by the other conversation going on there it's probably just as well for Olip if she didn't. (But perfectly OK with Zuzi being threatened, never did like Zuzi much... )

[iavatus]

Someone says: "Ship thieves and asshole murderers? I don't have a ship yet, but I do have an... *he grabs his pants by the waist to check that they are secure*"

[Axiom]

By request, logs of Pirate Radio.

"*a brash female voice with a thick Cockney accent* Is this thing workin'? *the sound of someone tapping loudly on the radio, followed by an ear-bleeding feedback screech* Ah, sod it. *a throat clearing loudly*”

"Arrrr, listen up, ye landlubbin' wankers! It's time fer today's episode o' Pirate Radio! This 'ere's yer friendly 'ost, the Dread Pirate Halifax o' the Wo'ever, sometimes known as Lyra the Liar! I'm broadcastin' from the lovely seaside town of...well, never ya mind that. But the weather 'ere's just smashin', nary a cloud in the sky and a good strong sea wind. Who knows where it'll take us next?”

"Anyway, today's episode is about...sea shanties! Sea shanties are an important part o' sailor culture, ya know, and that goes fer pirates too. They 'elp ta keep the rhythm when doin' 'ard labor aboard a ship, like haulin' sail or weighin' anchor. Sea shanties are often adapted from popular shorebound songs an' adjusted ta keep pace with the labor. 'Ere's one I wrote meself! I call it "Girls from Puk”."

"*a cheerful song played badly on a creaky old fiddle, then some truly abominable singing*”

"Girls from Puk ain't got no style / Their clothes are black an' they don't smile"

"['Eave 'ard, me lads, 'eave 'ard!]”

"Girls from Puk ain't got no manners / They drive newspawns ta pirate banners”

"['Eave 'ard, me lads, all together!]”

"Girls from Puk ain't got no grapes / Ya try ta buy 'em an' just get japes”

"[Loose sail, me lads, loose sail!]”

"Girls from Puk ain't got no jewels / They got robbed fer their stupid rules”

"[Loose sail, me lads, all together!]”

"So 'eave away, me bully, bully boys / 'Eave 'er up and don't ya eat no grapes / And we're bound away fer Treefeather!”

"*more artless twanging on the fiddle*”

"Well, I hope ya landlubbers enjoyed this special broadcast. This 'as been the Dread Pirate Halifax with Pirate Radio. See ya next time, mateys!"

"*a brash female voice* ‘Allo there, mateys! It’s time fer today’s episode o’ Pirate Radio! *the sound of someone doing a drumroll on the radio case* This ‘ere’s yer ‘ost, the Dread Pirate Lyra Halifax o’ the Wo’ever! "

"Today’s episode is dedicated to a fellow called Randy o’ Klojt, an’ we’re talkin' about…survival tips! Gettin’ abducted by pirates is a right delicate situation callin’ fer the most particular etiquette, an’ I’ve taken it upon meself ta clue in all ye gormless landlubbers so ya don’t cock it up.”

"Tip #1: Entertain ‘em! Ain’t nobody pirates fer the wealth, really, or nobody worth their salt. Bein’ a pirate is about conflict! It’s about drama! It’s about meetin’ new friends an’ carryin’ yerself with style! The more ya ‘umor yer captors and entertain ‘em, the more likely they are ta take mercy on yer sorry arse.”

"Tip #2: Cooperate! If they ask fer yer keys an’ wotnot, don’t faff about, ‘and ‘em over promptly! Otherwise ye’ll ‘ave ‘em beaten outta ya.”

"Tip #3: Don't give ‘em a reason ta kill ya. If a pirate lets ya go instead o’ slittin’ yer throat and tossin’ ya overboard, thank yer lucky stars and go about yer day. If yer gonna send out a radio broadcast cryin’ about how yer stuff was nicked, at least wait till yer beyond the reach o’ their retribution, or yer proper daft. “

"Tip #4: Don’t be an entitled tit. Once yer captured by pirates, ya ain’t got no rights nor property nor nothin’. Consider yer life forfeit an’ act accordingly, as a proper attitude is essential fer securin’ yer release. My personal recommendation is beggin’ and grovelin’, maybe wif a side o’ blubberin’.”

"That’s it fer tips. An’ wif that outta the way, let’s get ta today’s sea shanty! I ‘ope ya bonnie lads an’ lassies enjoy it!”

"*an artlessly played song on a fiddle that has clearly not been tuned in far too long, then some equally tuneless singing, though perhaps bellowing is a more appropriate description*”

"♫ When Wo’ever’s keel was laid / They knew ‘er fate was pirate's raid / [Roll, Wo’ever, roll!] ♫”

"♫ She was built in Dorian / An’ ‘er cargo's vice an’ sin / [Oh roll, Wo’ever, roll!] ♫”

"♫ ‘Er pirates sail the wide blue seas / Ta ravage towns like a disease / [Roll, Wo’ever, roll!] ♫”

"♫ Their crossbows fire quick and sure / ‘Specially if yer a boor / [Oh roll, Wo’ever, roll!] ♫”

"♫ Pirates hurt an’ pirates steal / Piss ‘em off, they’ll make ya squeal / [Roll, Wo’ever, roll!] ♫”

"♫ If ya meet ‘em don’t ya sass / Or yer face will meet yer arse! / [Oh roll, Wo’ever, roll!] ♫”

"*more strumming on the fiddle, perhaps even more talentlessly than before*”

"Well then, that’s all fer today’s episode o’ Pirate Radio! This ‘as been yer friendly ‘ost, the Dread Pirate Halifax! Tune in next time fer the next thrillin’ installment, mateys!"

[Marian]

I'm sure most people have heard them with at least one character, but every time Halifax or anyone else argues with a 'Timmy' it's so much fun, I think I almost don't even hate the radio (as much) anymore?

Just trying to narrow down which parts most deserve to be quoted...

[Axiom]

I'm sure most people have heard them with at least one character, but every time Halifax or anyone else argues with a 'Timmy' it's so much fun, I think I almost don't even hate the radio (as much) anymore?

Just trying to narrow down which parts most deserve to be quoted...

I love that you adopted Timmy as a general-purpose title, by the way.

[Marian]

I love that you adopted Timmy as a general-purpose title, by the way.

Someone on the radio suggested it, and it fits. Just the kind of slightly condescending title that would enrage some blustering tryhard desperate for their anonymous tough guy persona to be taken seriously.

...the radio really is just EXACTLY like the internet, isn't it?