Abstinence

[DylPickle]

Hit the mark all topics read button at the top right of the thread listing and skip it topics like this if you have sensitivities.

[caged_bird_sings]

Sorry for being awkward? :S I didn't think I said anything pornographic..I avoided!

[Comy]

I didn't feel like it was awkward at all, but maybe I'm in a minority?

[caged_bird_sings]

I didn't think it was either...I'm sorry to anyone who I made feel awkward. Moderators go ahead and delete my post if you want! I thought I did a good job of treating it as a taboo topic just in case

[Snickie]

Not so much awkward as I don't want to read about this stuff every time anybody posts on this board forum. How I see it, your sex lives are not something I need or want to know about. Especially the details that I've seen posted here, which might not be as explicit as they COULD be, but it's still more than I want to read.


As for my answer to the poll...
Yes, I am waiting.
And not just for religious reasons, although that's definitely part of it.
First of all, I have no plans to get into any situations where things like that could happen, such as parties. I don't even like parties, even heavily adult-supervised birthday parties for somebody's four-year-old. You won't get me into any environment like that or worse unless you knock me out and forcibly drag me there or something.
Secondly, in my opinion, if you're in a relationship but not married, and the significant other keeps pressuring you to have sex with them even after you say no, then that person will probably end up cheating on you, and they're not worth it. Find someone who loves you enough to wait. Get to know that person for who they are, not for how good of sex they give.


And to answer a theme I saw in some of the earlier posts, about seven pages back, in this thread, but never finished reading:
Sex does not just happen.
"Oh, but we just happened to show up to the same apartment, and...oh! Our clothes just happened to fall off and end up on the floor, and it just so happened there was a nice, big, comfy, king-sized bed there..."
My question is this: Would it have just happened if your grandma were there, watching you?
The point is, that sex is a result of decisions made.
You can choose to say no to sex. You can choose to say yes to sex.
You can choose to go to that party where there's drinking and drugs and most likely sex. You can choose to stay home.
Whatever it is, it's your choice, and you have to deal with the consequences.
If you like it, good for you. If not...


That's the end of my spiel, until I feel like saying something else, I guess.
-begins extended leave of absence from this thread-

[CN]

Not so much awkward as I don't want to read about this stuff every time anybody posts on this board forum. How I see it, your sex lives are not something I need or want to know about. Especially the details that I've seen posted here, which might not be as explicit as they COULD be, but it's still more than I want to read.

I feel like posts such as that are kind of to be expected in a thread where the topic is sex, or lack thereof. I could see the benefit of, maybe, posts regarding someone's personal sex life could be done in different text font, or start with a note at the top advising people to skip over it, but you can't really go into a public forum online expecting everything to be through rose-colored glass.

Life happens, it's what you will find in these forums, especially in topics such as this. This stuff, it happens.

First of all, I have no plans to get into any situations where things like that could happen, such as parties.

I'd just like to point out that I've attended many a party and successfully left without having sex or any kind of sexual encounter/temptation, etc. I know you said you just didn't like parties and I totally understand that sentiment, I spend most parties as far away from the crowd as possible, just hanging out with a close friend or two. But, they can also be fun with the right people, it's not like someone's just going to force you into sex just because you're there.

Secondly, in my opinion, if you're in a relationship but not married, and the significant other keeps pressuring you to have sex with them even after you say no, then that person will probably end up cheating on you, and they're not worth it.

To be fair, the same could be said of relationship you are in where you are married. A spouse is perfectly capable of pressuring their spouse into sex and raping them. You could have married that person because you thought it was worth it, but they could still be just as bad as any other guy you might stumble across.

I don't mean to sound rude or anything, but your views are just very narrow, it seems. I sincerely don't mean to offend you, but I, assume, it's likely an age thing. I personally don't know what your age is and while I won't say that your views are going to change about abstaining from sex, but you'll see things a bit differently as you get older. Not everyone's going to put any kind of pressure on you for sex and you can be social and attend social events without ever having to worry about the topic.
I admire your resolve and your views and wish you the best of luck in finding someone that makes you happy and you can share that part of your life with. Cheers.

[caged_bird_sings]

<<<NO FREAKY STUFF IN THIS POST!!!>>>>
Very true about age...I'm only 20, so I expect my views to continue changing. They've changed very radically since I was 15/16, and (of course) my ideas on it when I was 15 were very different from my views when I was 12 or 13. *shrugs* I was very narrow when I was in grade 9...I had it in my head that all guys were perverted jerks who just wanted to get in bed with you, hated parties where I thought they'd prey on me, didn't want to be a "slut" for sleeping with someone, even thought it was gross...and thought anyone who did it out of marriage was disgusting and going to hell for sure. I was also still deeply religious at the time. I'd gone to Catholic school. (Not bashing the system, but it definitely effected how I thought about sex.) 17 was my big year for change. Everyone's is different. But my whole worldview flipped on its head. Not in a rushed way - it's just when I started thinking differently. I'm not promiscuous at all, never have been - only the one little encounter before the real deal with my boyfriend - and I consider that "young experimentation." And it was a very close friend of mine, who I remain best friends with. I'd never had much of an interest in either sex, and I guess I was just curious about new feelings. <<Disclaimer: this part doesn't contain anything awkward either>> With my boyfriend and I, he was actually the one who wanted to put it off a little longer, because he was concerned that the commitment wasn't there yet. But it was, and we're really growing into a beautiful pair. (Not a totally biased opinion, others including family tell me this). It's only been 2 years and a bit now, and I look forward to more years together.
In short, I don't regret any of my sexual past. At all. I think I'm going along a pretty average, healthy path.

*takes a deep breath* And that is all.

[caged_bird_sings]

PS - Mostly to Snick!

What I just posted made me think - I hadn't thought about how what I wrote could be big time TMI for someone who doesn't have ... experience in this area. I typed what I felt was perfectly normal, okay stuff. I failed to remember that a lot of things are seriously taboo before they become commonplace. Or maybe for some people who are super-private...or maybe it's a cultural thing? This could become a sociology report!

[CN]

In short, I don't regret any of my sexual past.

See, I think that as long as you can say that and really believe it, doesn't matter what it is your beliefs are on the subject.
As long as your sexual history includes what you've decided is right for you, and you alone, and it's something you're comfortable with and accept, that's what matters. What you've done or the experience you lack, depending on how you look at it, doesn't matter; what matters is that it's true to who you are and you stand up for yourself, regardless of what your history may or may not involved.

Also, not entirely sure what it says about me, but I didn't find anything offensive or really anything classified as TMI in your post. That may, though, have a lot to do with having guy friends that have always felt the need to share with me just about everything in their lives. lol. Nothing shocks me anymore xD

[Snickie]

I actually typed this last night, but never got around to posting it because I fell asleep. But here it is:

Not so much awkward as I don't want to read about this stuff every time anybody posts on this board forum. How I see it, your sex lives are not something I need or want to know about. Especially the details that I've seen posted here, which might not be as explicit as they COULD be, but it's still more than I want to read.

I feel like posts such as that are kind of to be expected in a thread where the topic is sex, or lack thereof. I could see the benefit of, maybe, posts regarding someone's personal sex life could be done in different text font, or start with a note at the top advising people to skip over it, but you can't really go into a public forum online expecting everything to be through rose-colored glass.

I know this. It is a hard, sad truth.

First of all, I have no plans to get into any situations where things like that could happen, such as parties.

I'd just like to point out that I've attended many a party and successfully left without having sex or any kind of sexual encounter/temptation, etc. I know you said you just didn't like parties and I totally understand that sentiment, I spend most parties as far away from the crowd as possible, just hanging out with a close friend or two. But, they can also be fun with the right people, it's not like someone's just going to force you into sex just because you're there.

I was merely naming parties as an example, and more often that not, at least as I've heard, things like that happen at parties.
Warning: Blunt description used here. Font has thus been recolored and sized.
I've heard of a high school party game where the girls put thick layers of dark lipstick on, and then they have oral sex with the boys. Afterwards, the boys count and compare the number of lipstick rings on their penises. Whoever has the most then gets first pick on which girl to have oral sex with again, but with the opposite way around..
I know I can choose not to participate in those, but I'd rather not be around it at all.

I don't mean to sound rude or anything, but your views are just very narrow, it seems. I sincerely don't mean to offend you, but I, assume, it's likely an age thing. I personally don't know what your age is and while I won't say that your views are going to change about abstaining from sex, but you'll see things a bit differently as you get older. Not everyone's going to put any kind of pressure on you for sex and you can be social and attend social events without ever having to worry about the topic.
I admire your resolve and your views and wish you the best of luck in finding someone that makes you happy and you can share that part of your life with. Cheers.

I agree with you: my views are very narrow, but they are this way for my own safety and protection. As I believe I've mentioned many times in the past here, I'm fifteen, will be sixteen in less than four months. I interact with other teenagers daily who either are curious or experienced. Some have tried it, some have not.
With how uptight my views are, it looks like I'll be a single virgin the rest of my life.

[SekoETC]

I hear teenagers talk a lot more than they've actually tried, but the current open atmosphere also pressures many into doing things they're not ready for because they assume everyone else has done more and they're somehow lesser due to lack of experience. When I told my estranged best friend that I'd lost my virginity and was about to be committed to a mental ward due to taking the break up like it was the end of the world, I don't remember what she replied but that moment I suddenly started thinking that even though she had often seemed more mature than me, I don't think she had done it, and furthermore I hadn't heard of any of my classmates doing it, so probably the impression of "I'm the most delayed in this sort of development" was completely false. I think it's often the insecure types who feel like they have to do crazy things to prove they're not losers. My life would've probably been better if I'd abstained.

[MelloYell]

i agree with seko whole-heartedly. i lost my virginity while in college, despite a life-time of "i'm going to abstain until marriage". i fell into peer pressure when i found out two of my most religious friends were going at it like rabbits and being quite kinky. i think it blew my world to pieces and i was in a depression at the time, so i decided i wanted to be like "everyone else".

my bf didn't want to commit the act, but i pressured him into it and after months on a path of self-destruction, he gave in to me. it's the thing i regret most in my life.

[Doug R.]

There doesn't have to be pressure to regret it afterward. Sex has consequences, and if you're ignorant of those consequences, you can come to regret intercourse, even if you both want it and feel you're ready.

[SumBum]

I think I was really lucky in high school because many of my friends were not interested in dating or sex so there wasn't a false sense of competition. Of course there were those who bragged about it and looked down on those who were inexperienced. I don't know how but I pretty well let it roll off my back. Maybe it was years of being bullied in grade school that prepared me for it. But seriously, I had the attitude in high school that anyone getting involved in sex was a complete idiot. There were only a couple girls who actually got pregnant in high school and it totally changed (wrecked, in my opinion) their lives. So, I sort of looked down on anyone who was bragging about what all they'd done.

[Armulus Satchula]

There doesn't have to be pressure to regret it afterward. Sex has consequences, and if you're ignorant of those consequences, you can come to regret intercourse, even if you both want it and feel you're ready.

I completely agree with you and that statement works for many things, besides sex. You have to be ready to accept the consequences of your actions.

I wouldn't look down upon someone even if they became pregnant in high school. That might not have been what they wanted, but I wouldn't say it's bad. It wasn't all that long ago that humans were having children at young ages. I would more so say that I look badly upon those who chose to blame others for their decisions and don't take responsibility for the outcome of their choices.