Funny or Interesting notes

[prometheus]

Aubergine you are a national treasure.

[hyrle]

Ah.. the good ol' days of having a town connected to both the Paradise Family and the Keystone Harelquin folks. You never knew what fresh new drama was coming down your road, but it was always interesting.

A note from a rapist-turned-prisoner-turned-poet from that era:

Sometimes the world gets one down,
In a most quizzical and exhausting way.
An individual can be left to wonder,
what their future or even dreams may hold.

Other times the world removes the frown.
Chances blossom and hope greets the new day.
The chains of despair can`t help but sunder,
and one must become brave and bold.

Some will give thanks.
Others will feel fear.
A few whistle a jaunty tune and see the other side.

[*Wiro]

There was an old man from Naron
Who had rubber and glass and iron
So he built a small van
Put fuel in the pan
And drove all the way to Shambon.

There was a young man from Flonder
Whose waistline was very slender
But year after year
Of pizza and beer
Made his belly grow rounder and rounder.

A man in a van from Naron
Pulled over in Flonder for luncheon.
He saw a fat guy
Eat a big pizza pie
With chips and beer by the gallon.

[JosiahH]

Recently came across this journal (I've initialised the names to protect the living and respect for the dead):

3241 [Man spawns in small town, immediately propositions the town leader, trouble ensues.]

I also noticed a couple, C. and D., assumed by the way they talked to each
other. C. seemed visibly tired and D. was comforting her with a nauseatingly
wet attitude. It seemed to me as if he controlled this sweet and safe relationship,
yet I could see a yearning in her eyes for passion which I would never believe he
could give her. Myself on the other hand...

3242 [Never read the town laws, and gets in more trouble with local leaders.] It got a
bit heated but in the aftermath I was able to work my irresistible charms on the
little darling in town named C. Yes, it appears that she is indeed in a
relationship with this D. guy but I don't see that as too much of an obstacle.
I've already uncovered that there is a problem in their relationship and she feels
trapped in it. I will work on this in the coming days.

[...]

3243 I have seduced C., she has decided to leave her boyfriend for me.
What's more I have convinced he to leave town, my reasons to her was that she needed
to be away from this place but in truth I saw it as a faster way to get off the
island than my previous arrangement. We will take the sloop she joint owns with her
partner D. If I run into D. again I may need to be cautious as I have just
stole his girlfriend and am about to sail away with her, luckily he was not awake
today. It seems like C. holds a lot of material wealth too, which may come in
handy.

[...]

Whe we finally left on the boat I took a fair amount of pleasure when seeing the
shock on the other townsfolk's faces, both as she revealed she was breaking from
D. and more so that she was leaving him for me. I took particular pride in making
S. gasp, a man who had earlier said I had no charm.

3244 I got C. to take off that stupid necklace which said D. on it.
Slept for the remainder of the day.

3245 We arrived in [place], apparantly C. knows the place and wants to
gather some supplies. [...]

I also met a delightful young lady by the name of J. Her name alone made my
senses tingle and after a few words in private it appeared she was game for a flirt
and quite good at it too. I did enjoy the devious chat we made with each other but to
my dismay she left the conversation when it was just getting going. I still can't
place what I did wrong, she seemed to be enjoying it as much as I was. I don't think
C. heard anything thankfully. In truth this J. is grabbing my attention
much more than C., the fact that shes now playing hard to get is only making the
feeling grow.

3246 Shit went south. I tried to manipulate a love triangle with myself
C. and J. and now C. has gone mad and is trying to kill me.

The entry for 3244 cracked me up! Also the last entry is beautiful. Understandably, so many journals lack an ending, because their authors die before they can write one. But this ending is just perfect; it explains just enough.

Seriously impressed at how much trouble this person caused in just 4 days of life in two relatively small towns.

[*Wiro]

Tired of the same old routine? Want to get out and see the world? Interested in what
hidden secrets you may find on the road? Look no further than:
Radaghasts' Cartography! Yes thats right, "We Make Maps!"

Now hiring people with an interest to EXPLORE!

All you have to do is sign your name on the dotted line............!
Its that simple!

Now I know you are asking "What do I get out of it?" A chance to see the world,
but if that's not enough, if you're one of those who are looking to be rewarded not
only in adventure, and need a little income headed their way, then maybe a look at
our price guide might sway your interest even further. Check out what we have to
offer!


Right after you have signed your name on our contract, you recieve 2000grams of food!
Thats right 2000grams of vegetable matter to start you on your way!


But thats not all!

You also recieve bonus pay! We will give you 200grams of food for every day you
travel. For example: You travel down the road for (7) days to your destination, we
give you (1400)grams for your time! Is that a deal or what!


So come on, what are you waiting for? Be the first to work at a job that you don't
really have to work at! Stop by and say hello to Radaghast the Brown, you won't be
sorry you did!

Estimated to have been written around day 300.

[prometheus]

My, how times have changed. Now, newspawns won't even wake up for less than steel and a free vehicle.

[Marian]

2635-7.26: Flo Tricked Out Name Tag says: "*she grins* Hello Senator Howto!"

2635-7.32: Bolwie says: "*he smiles* Senator it is good to see you again."

2636-2.19: You say: "Hello Bolwie and Flo good to see you two"

2636-2.19: You say: "hows things going here.. Things didnt go so well in Olip West.. I told them what had happend and they are having a problem and calling me a murder.... dont know what will happen"

2636-2.25: Flo Tricked Out Name Tag says: "Well, I was off in San Doria with Senator Emannuel, and I got a hot interview with the one and only Adam Brinks. What happened here while we were gone that folks think your a murderer? *she pouts* I know this cannot be true Howto. Your a big sweet heart."

2636-2.25: You say: "*smiles* thanks Flo I needed that after being call such terrible things in Olip west"

2636-2.25: You say: "quick summary.. spanish speakers came and was talking over conversations I waited for someone to complain even after I was tired of it Bolwie did so I made it a law no different language in public. they started speaking in whispers just as accesseive and annoying so I said if it continued I woul dmake that a law to theyshould take it indoors"

2636-2.26: You say: "I told them we would get them a building they could have an inner commnuity speak there language in there and ours out here.. but that was offinsive many words were said and they left but had said this had happened over and over"

2636-2.26: You say: "I went out on the road to talk more with them to try and reason with them if the same things keeps happening change when I got out on the road they were talking and I took there words and actions as a threat So I shot them and told them why"

2636-2.26: You say: "I told them to come back to town and lets talk about this more. and told them I didnt understand them but took there words as future threats. they Never denied that or said I had lied about them threating me and the town. I told them to turn and come back and we would talk"

2636-2.26: You say: "all but one returned... I told her to come back or I would kill her she didnt and I did"

2636-2.26: You say: "the otherscame back but I was busy going back and forth dealing with Greta that we didnt get to talk that much but they had listend and I dont believe will come back and thats fine with me they headed down the road to Olip west so I went ahead of them to tell my side first before they got there"

2636-2.26: Flo Tricked Out Name Tag says: "*she frowns* I see. I wish I were here to help. I`m sure I would have complained as well. Its not my place to tell people what language to speak, but they should be respectful in other towns. *she shakes her head* It sounds like they are acting stupid on purpose."

2636-2.26: You say: "Well your Jason went with them and had reached Olip and told them who know what with Alyx the onion trader.. and now Olip west thinks I am a murder.. So *looks at the road* expect them to show up anytime"

2636-2.27: Flo Tricked Out Name Tag says to you: "OOC: I thought that you were supposed to spawn in your language group, it seems like this foreign language thing is happening alot and it gets really annoying after a while. I don`t know if its a rule though, so I havn`t been reporting it."

2636-2.27: Flo Tricked Out Name Tag says: "It can`t be murder if it was something that you did for your town right? I mean, if you are in charge and are forced to kill someone because they can`t adhere to the laws, then it is not for another town to decide. *she frowns*"

2636-2.27: Flo Tricked Out Name Tag says to you: "If you need refuge, I will hide you in my radio studio. Just tell me. Senator Emannuel is out on the newspawn star on the harbour."

2636-2.27: Flo Tricked Out Name Tag says: "I`ve got all I need to make a better radio for my studio. I just need to build a kiln first so I can make this vacuum tube. *she laughs* Its never ending work you know. I will be sure to report on these events. *she nods*"

2636-2.28: You say to Flo Tricked Out Name Tag: "*smiles* thanks for the offer Flo but I have enoug keys I could hide in town for 10 years and they coudlnt find me or break all the doors down (OOC yes they are spawning alot everywhere and I dont know why The offical rule according to Jo is you HAVE to speak the language you registered your newspawn and cant change that langue without contact with a different language and eventhen you haveto incharacter Role play learning for two years)"

2636-2.28: You give Note -The Crimes of Senator Howto, by his own account, with comments by Alyx.- to Flo Tricked Out Name Tag.

2636-2.28: You give Note -2628-6.26---2634-7.13 Returning to Olip from road through explination in Olip West- to Flo Tricked Out Name Tag.

2636-2.28: Flo Tricked Out Name Tag says to you: "OOC: then I`m going to start reporting this. Its bad enough that I can`t go to the grocery store and understand the people who work there, then for me to have to role play being annoyed with it as well. *sighs* I`m not against foreign people or anything, but if I went over seas, I would try very hard to speak their language. Its the unrude thing to do."

holy shit


e: Not the full note, but the full note is a painful slog because the player couldn't be bothered to reverse it or clean it up, and also the guy continually raging about people not speaking English could barely write in English himself so it's mostly unreadable...)

[sanchez]

An irc discussion got me searching some ancient chars' archives, and I rediscovered this. I'm sure it's been posted before, but one of my all time favourites. It was such a different game back then, at least in EZ.

Log of Comrade Fran`s Speech to Senior Members, Day 1747.

(to be read from the top down)

*she raps the side of the smelter for attention* Comrades, this will be a very long
speech. So if it seems you might not be able to think through it all at once, use the
log I`ll leave on the ground. Who knows, perhaps it is the last speech I shall ever
make. *for the briefest moment she looks utterly sad* I intend to review where we are
and then ask for your advice as to our future. We have, I think, done well. *she nods
at them and her expression brightens* We have built up a respectable society and
culture spread across several towns. We are able to maintain reasonably large
populations with little or no local food. Our members are for the most part
well-armed and clothed, and many have apartments and bikes, with more to come.

Communes linked by radio now include New Xanth, the Northern Forest and Akypor, where
we have a potato harvester. We have another commune at Mount Xanth West, and we have
built a hematite drill at Mount Xanth. Sadly, we were unable to find sufficient
people to keep Mount Xanth itself permanently occupied and the commune at Sanctuary
Mountain collapsed. We have, however, weathered several crises, such as the deaths of
Chione Belle and Dylz Scoon, showing that our culture--and the shared loyalties it
provides--can outlast the death of individual leaders. All in all, we have achieved a
notable success.

Nonetheless, we face certain challenges. *her expression turns more serious* Young
people in this modern world seem most reluctant to work indoors, yet the available
openings for collecting limit what can be achieved outside. Ultimately this will at
some point limit our future growth. The question, therefore, is how to provide a good
life for an increasing number of people under these circumstances. Now I do have some
plans but I would also like to hear from all of you. That is the first question. What
should we do to promote our continued growth?

The other challenge is that of maintaining our technological and economic
superiority. *she pauses, her eyes moving steadily from one to the other* Why do we
need to, you ask? Well, it`s simple. We don`t have much by way of food. Until till
now our success has depended on our being a major trading "hub" within this whole
region. People walking through the region would often pause here to trade with us
rather than facing the bother of walking all the way to Akypor. And we gained much
through this. Salt, gold, cotton, gas, carrots, even a few silkworm cocoons came our
way in time. It is only thanks to our potato harvester and to those carrots that we
are able to maintain the population we do.

Now, however, our position is severely challenged. *she pauses, struggling to find
the words* Once upon a time the Stone Knights visited here and left me a note about
their god. They called him "He Who Is Without"...meaning He who exists outside this
world but somehow created it. Well I can only conclude that He Who Is Without is a
sadist with a sick sense of humor. *she looks at them, her expression growing dark*
And one of the sickest jokes cooked up by Him or his attendant spirits is this thing
called "timber". Somewhere on this continent timber has appeared. Not region by
region, but perhaps only in one place...very far away from us, it would seem.

And yet some person must have collected the timber and then travelled right across
the continent and traded it only to Mol Blesset of Heaven. That is all I can assume.
*she shrugs, her expression yet darker* They must have passed right through here or
close nearby. Did they stop to talk to us? No. You see, Comrades, the moment the
attendant spirits come up with these "secrets of the gods", then there is scope for
devilment and trickery on the part of our fellow cantrians. It seems to me that they
must somehow hear voices in their heads telling them to run from one end of a
continent to the other, or else take to boats, for no sound reason that -they- might
have in themselves. There is limestone all around the continent...in the regions of
Krif, Mulof and Blojt. Why take the timber straight to Akypor?

Now Heaven has no less than three limestone quarries in Akypor. And they won`t share
them or sell one to us. *she shakes her head* The other thing, of course, is the
roads. Should I have let Heaven complete the road through to Mount Xanth West? Given
that otherwise their bus would not have been able to move anywhere, perhaps we should
have held out for a regional agreement concerning the quarries? But it is too late. I
let it happen. I failed you all. Now of course large vehicles can travel from just
about anywhere straight through to Akypor and back. Akypor and its three limestone
quarries. We will in time become like backwoods hicks, smiling foolishly from the
roadside at the passing traffic. *she stands a long moment, head down, expression
unreadable*

Comrades, I have struggled long and hard for many years to build up a true and
functioning society here. Being the heiress of Tia Zicaro from the age of 24 has been
a heavy burden, but there is much I have enjoyed. *she raises her eyes again* Above
all, I have enjoyed building up our people. Seeing them grow in stature and
confidence. Seeing a whole culture take shape. I have enjoyed your company so very
very much! *she flashes them the briefest sad smile, then frowns again* What did Mol
Blesset do? Work indoors with her small group, trading only with a handful. Outside,
sheer chaos. A town of apparent "freedom" hiding an utter tyranny in which Isabellah
drags person after person to prison and they -are- -never- -seen- -again-. I have
spent by now some three years in Akypor and I have -never- seen anyone emerge from
their jails.

Meanwhile each remaining docile newspawn builds a mud hut, finds little else to do,
gets bored, and eventually succumbs to the sleeping sickness. Oh I`m sure they are so
proud of how "big" Akypor is, of how many buildings it has. Indeed? Many times more
buildings than people is something to be proud of? No, Comrades, it is a sign of
utter failure. And yet somehow such abject waste and failure matters little. Somehow,
indeed, Mol Blesset "wins". My model of building a wider society fails when measured
against the machinations of small elites. To hell with newspawns. Let them build a
mud hut and die. Such is the way of our world.

*she throws her arms out wide, her expression pleading* Perhaps I have failed and
perhaps my heart will soon break. But if that is not to be, then tell me what I must
do. How do we reclaim our preeminent position? That is the second great question.
And, Comrades, it is a question we -must- somehow answer. For a town the size of New
Xanth, glorious yet foodless and severe, there can be no second best. *she steps
back, seeming suddenly immensely weary and briefly clutching her chest* What must I
do? Please tell me. What must I do?

[Marian]

And one of the sickest jokes cooked up by Him or his attendant spirits is this thing
called "timber". Somewhere on this continent timber has appeared. Not region by
region, but perhaps only in one place...very far away from us, it would seem.

That whole area and the character especially was a really interesting one, and a great speech otherwise, but this part kind of killed it for me. It's like, seriously, this was the best explanation they could come up with?

[iavatus]

Fairmont Health and Beauty Co.

Goal: make you sexy and good in bed because you're...not

* medicines
- penis and breast enlargement
- aphrodisiac
- performance enhancer (use the relevant organs of virile beasts, very rare and
effective)
- snake oil (cures all ills)
- powdered elephant tusk (take every day to enhance health)
- homeopathic medicines (this is supported by science)
- personal massager (carved out of wood, used for intimate self-healing)
- hair growth cream (use clippings from John's mustache as the secret ingredient
(seems unwilling? ambush him while sleeping if necessary))

* soaps
- smell good
- don't be gross

* combs
- apply oils to make hair shiny and smell good
- maybe sell them in jewelry boxes

* creams (modified soaps?) stored in tins
- smooth out your skin tone
- make your skin firm up and reduce wrinkles
- get rid of acne

* perfumes stored in small glass bottles
- essential oils and flowers distilled in alcohol
- try to develop an aphrodisiac (this will sell well)

* diet and exercise plans
- lose weight
- get buff

* sexy clothing designs
- make your butt look good
- hide your flab
- lingerie line?
- need someone else to do the manual labor




--------


Fairmont Health and Beauty Co. Endorsements


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Rau Naedell Blackrock: As everyone knows, I'm getting on in the years, but thanks to Fairmont Health and Beauty Co.'s wrinkle removal cream, I can stop bathing in the blood of virginal newspawns to restore my beauty. It's very effective! I've bought some for the whole tribe.

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Lyra Halifax: Oi reckon dis magic potion is makin' me bloody 'angovah sod roight off, guvnah! Dere ain't nuffink loik it aftah ye've go'en yehself good an' sloshed wif booze, wot! Trust me, mateys, Oi'm a bloody expert on bein' drunk an' such bollocks, innit! *hic* Arrrr, Oi 'oighly recommend ya buy it, then!

Raaj Kellan: After over a hundred years of life, some parts of me don't work as well as they used to, but Fairmont Health and Beauty Co.'s performances enhancers have put me back in business. Now I can take really good care of all the newspawns in South Moku again. Get yours today!

Shaudawn: Hummmm, the spirits approve of Fairmont Health and Beauty Co.'s shamanistic mushrooms. They have helped me part the mysterious veils of the spiritual realm and commune with the spirits. I highly recommend them.

Avren Tenmouths: Thanks to Fairmont Health and Beauty Co.'s aphrodisiacs, Lion finally loves me despite my personality flaws and strange deformities! I'm so excited to begin our new life together. By the way, does Fairmont Health and Beauty Co. have anything to fix camel-facedness? (Remaining five straight hours of talking have been omitted for brevity.)

[Slowness_Incarnate]

I cannot ..stop laughing. Oh my god....

[cutecuddlydirewolf]

Iavatus... I think you just won Cantr.

[iavatus]

I wish these were mine! Nope, they're the products of one Ignatius Max Fairmount, by Axiom.

[*Wiro]

I am Satrap the Cynic. I`d like to tell you how I went from being a newspawn with nothing but a loincloth to my name, to being one of the richest and almost universally respected people in Djorf, how I earned my blue royal toga, a prestigious iron shield, how I travelled half the world on foot and by ship, and most importantly, attracted the woman of my dreams - all without working a SINGLE day in my life!

Satrap on illegal gambling.

[prometheus]

Illegal???